New Olympic Event: Training for the Potty!!!!

For those of us who live in The Land of Jordan (me, Christina & Jo-Jo), potty training has not been top priority for us. In fact I've been known to say that Jordan can stay in diapers until she's 7 years old b/c I despise public restrooms and the thought of having my child's tush anywhere near those toilets wigs me out beyond words.

Many of you are aware that Jordan really has had zero interest in doing the whole peeing on the potty thing, unless of course she's at school. At school she's all about making a good impression on her teachers by dropping her pants/diaper and attempting to 'go' on the potty. At home it's a whole different story. At home she tells us, "But I don't want to sit on the potty at home, I only sit on the potty at school."

And then The Land of Jordan flew to Mexico for a vacation. And on that vacation something amazing happened: Jordan ONLY wanted to pee on the potty! HUH???? Yep, we felt the same way! She was quite clear how she would not be peeing in her diapers any longer and that she needed to pee on the potty "just like Addy" (her little buddy) and how she had to go back to school b/c she had to tell Gail (her teacher) that she's peeing on the potty. This conversation happened 5-6 times per day. Of course after each successful potty pee we did a crazy, silly, YIPEE-YOU-DID-THE-PEE dance. And Mommy could be found muttering on about how she was so happy J0-Jo decided to have this break-thru pee experience in Mexico b/c she was sure she had not packed enough diapers!

And then The Land of Jordan flew back to NJ. Where automatic flushing toilets exist. Where said toilets decide to airplane-vacuum-suck anything in the stall at random times which nearly included sucking my child's tush off. After peeling a 1/2 naked still had not peed Jo-Jo from my arms b/c she was so freaked out by the random flushing toilet she informs me: "Mommy, I only want to pee on the potty at school and in Mexico."

Somehow we manage to overcome our "only at school and in Mexico" demand and we now have Jordan peeing on the potty full time at home, and at school. (oh yeah, and in Mexico too)

And then I take her to FAO Schwarz today w/her buddy Chase. What could possibly ruin an amazing day in one of the largest toy stores in the world???? The pee break.

The pee break nearly sent me over the edge into an institution. Sympathetic grins and smiles from various women in the bathroom while the pee break took place did not make me feel any better.

Here's how it all played out: Took Jordan into the public bathroom, she's already freaked out b/c she thinks it's one of those automatic possessed flushing toilets. Luckily this time it is not an automatic one. So I have to show her how Mommy is not afraid and how Mommy can pee and it's all good. (let go of the visual please)......Now it's Jo-Jo's turn. Pants down, pull-up down, 14 of those stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers in place, Jordan safely planted on stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers, and no pee along w/meltdown #1 happens. Off comes Jordan along w/9 of the stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers. The other 5 fell into the toilet! Reasoning thru meltdown #1 not going over so well. Attempt #2: back on the toilet except now Jordan has decided that if stays stiff and not bendable then she won't have to take this pee break. Now it's Mommy's turn for a bit of a meltdown. More reasoning and another plant the child to pee attempt. No luck again. No more reasoning, now it's just plain pissed off Mommy insisting she pee. (in case you've lost count or track.....Jordan is winning) I even tried to hold her up thinking she could pee like that, and at the same time thinking about how if she actually did pee like that she would surely pee directly onto me! Trying now to calm down. No more pissed off Mommy, now it's semi-defeated Mommy begging Jordan to pee.

OH MY GOD, losing my mind!!!!! So, the pull up comes up, I tell her to pee in that, she does and that's that. HA! You think that's that. Oh but wait, there's so much more. Since we are now wearing pull-ups we have to remove our pants to replace the pull-up, not like diapers where you could leave the pants on and replace the diaper w/a new one while the child is still standing. So, off come the boots (which are a pain in the ass to begin with), off comes the old pull-up, on goes the one and only back-up pull-up in Mommy's bag. And in the process I am quite sure Mommy was not being super soft and delicate while putting the new pull-up on b/c SHE RIPPED THE FRIGGIN PULL-UP APART and now it's unwearable. I say again: OH MY GOD, losing my mind!!!

Now Jordan is crying b/c the pull-up is 'broken', I'm having a rambling conversation w/her about peeing and how there's nothing to be afraid of, her boots are off, her pants are off, 2 pull-ups are on the floor, numerous stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers are on the floor, I'm sweating, women outside our stall are giggling.....I'm beginning to think peeing only in Mexico and only in school is not such a bad idea.

Luckily I still had diapers in my bag.

So if over the next few years you're wondering why you haven't seen Jordan (or her Mommy & Mima for that matter)......we have moved to Mexico until Jordan turns 7 and is no longer afraid of public possessed toilets.

And that is all from The Land of Jordan!