Two's And The Terrible

I finally figured out why everyone calls it "the terrible two's"!  I know you think it's b/c your child has hit the age where they can make choices and decisions and somewhat verbalize what they are feeling or thinking, good or bad.  You could not be more WRONG!  It has absolutely NOTHING to do w/that.  The 'terrible two's' are about two specific things:  SPLIT PERSONALITIES!  As in TWO very different personalities.  And that's what makes it so terrible.

In this corner, weighing in at 20.44 pounds, we have:  Jo-Jo.  The fun loving, easy going, sweet talking little girl.

And in this corner we have, also weighing in at 20.44 pounds:  No-Jo.  The not so fun loving, not so easy going, not such a sweet talker little girl.

Jo-Jo is known for her hugs and giggles and kisses.

No-Jo is famous for her body slamming to the ground, legs kicking, screaming cries of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jo-Jo likes to sit down w/us at dinner and eat what we are eating.

No-Jo enjoys spitting out what we have served for dinner.

Jo-Jo likes to brush her teeth.

No-Jo finds brushing her teeth a waste of time and would much rather brush Nina's (our cat) teeth.

These are just a few of the differences we experience while spending time w/these two personalities.   Thank God they don't call it "The Threatening Three's" b/c I don't think we have any room for another personality!

Onto other things:  Jordan started school this week!!!!  This basically means she goes to class 2 days a week for 2 hours without her Mommy.  Of course Jordan was great for her first day (a shortened session, 45 minutes to break them in) and Mommy (that would be me) also did great.  I had expected to cry but did not cry and I have to say I felt total disappointment in NOT crying.  I was all worked up knowing I was going to be sobbing in the hallway but the sobs never came.  Could it be b/c the teachers pushed the parents out of the room so quickly that I didn't even have time to register what was happening?  Could it be b/c I peaked thru the little skinny window in the door and witnessed Jordan being totally cool playing inside the room?  Or was it that I  could not wait to get to the cafeteria and actually be able to sit and eat something from start to finish?  

And for Jordan's 2nd day of school (today) she decided to wake up w/a nasty cough and runny nose which means we are now 1-1 when it comes to school.  Looks like she's taking after me so far in the school department!

Speaking of the whole school thing - the amount of paperwork you are required to fill out is craziness.  So many questions, all of which I did my very best to be super honest about:

1 - IS YOUR CHILD POTTY TRAINED - are you kidding?  of course she's not potty trained.  who has time for that?  feel free to take this job off my hands and potty train her for me, much appreciated!

2 - DOES YOUR CHILD LISTEN TO COMMANDS WELL - ummm, she's 2, what do you think?

3 - DOES YOUR CHILD SHARE - sure she does, if there are no other kids around.

4 - WHAT DO YOU HOPE YOUR CHILD LEARNS FROM THIS CLASS - how to fold laundry, clean up toys, make the bed, set up the DVR, oh and to tell N0-Jo she is not welcome here anymore!

It's funny how you find yourself trying to teach your child so many things every single day.  Like colors or letters or shapes.  Only thing is, I think Jordan is testing me.  For real!  I'll have a red crayon in my hand and ask, "Jordan what color is this crayon?" and she'll answer, "blue" and I'll say, "Not blue, it's red" and her response is what makes me think she's testing me:  "right, red!"

Or I will ask her "what's Mommy's name?" and she'll answer, "mommy" so I say, "yes, but it's also Stacey" and she says, "right, Stacey!"  Sometimes I feel psyched as if I just got the question right!

Jordan no longer finds the word 'no' all that appealing.  She seems rather attatched to "nope" these days.  "Want some fruit?"  "Nope."  "Want to take a nap?"  "Nope."  It used to be when she would answer 'no' I would follow it up w/a:  "no thank you" in an effort to train her into good manners but I'm finding it hard to follow up the 'nope' w/a:  "nope thank you", just doesn't seem to flow as well.

That's all from THE LAND OF JORDAN for now.

"Where Moon Go Mommy?"

Jo-Jo seems to have entered into the I-will-ask-you-the-same-3-questions-over-and-over-all-day-every-single-day phase of her life.  The first question:  "Where moon go Mommy?" is asked of us whether it's dark outside or light outside.  If it's light outside she's given the response of:  "Jo-Jo, the moon is sleeping b/c the sun is out now, it's light outside."  To which she then gives her much shorter version of our answer:  "Moon night-night."  If it's dark outside when she poses the moon question to us we either run outside to see if we can find the moon or we run from window to window in our house searching for the moon.  9 times out of 10 we have no idea where the friggin moon is and that brings us back to:  "Where moon go Mommy?"

The next question is:  "Where animals go Mommy?"  This question arose b/c we started feeding the squirrels and birds every day.  Of course the friggin squirrels and birds eat so damn fast and then disappear leaving Jo-Jo to wonder outloud:  "Where animals go Mommy?"  So, if it's morning I use:  "The animals are still sleeping" line.  If it's mid-morning I use:  "The animals are resting b/c they are full" line.  If it's the afternoon I use:  "The animals are napping" line.  If it's dark outside I go with:  "The animals are all back in their houses sleeping" line.  These usually work for all of 3 seconds and just as I turn my back on Jordan thinking she's good w/my answer I'm hit with:  "Where animals go Mommy?"

The 3rd question started right after the holidays when people started taking down their outside decorations.  Our neighbor Vinny up the block had one of those blow up polar bears on his lawn for like a month.  And every night we'd drive by it and Jordan would get all excited and say, "Polar bear Mommy!!" and we'd wave to the polar bear.  Then one night the polar bear wasn't there.  You know that Law & Order music/sound, the "duh-duh" sound?  Well I swear that happend in my car.  I was all kinds of tense, just waiting for it to sink in for J0-Jo and then I get the, "Where polar bear go Mommy?"  So I told Jordan the polar bear is in Vinny's garage until next year and now every single day when I'm asked 4,012 times:  "Where polar bear go Mommy" I throw it back to Jordan with:  "Who's garage is the polar bear in?"  And she says, "Vinny's garage" with a very cute smile.

Today Jordan woke up and the very first thing she said when I walked into her room was, "Where animals go Mommy?"  My God!  Are they like little robots?  Turn them back on in the morning and they start off right where they left off?  

We spend major amounts of time on these 3 questions.  I am asked all 3 of these questions at least 100 times while driving.  Thank God for buses and trucks and flags and signs b/c they create a diversion every once in awhile. 

Jordan has been spending a lot of time drawing/coloring/painting at the very cool art table she got from 'her man' Jake (and Jake's mommy Gina).  I felt compelled to supply her w/every art pencil/crayon/marker/paint out there.  No surprise that I'd purchase the washable markers.  So the other day Jordan wanted to use her markers.  Mima was sitting on the couch working on her laptop (translation:  lost in space) and I was busy doing either laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc.  So I say to Mima, "Can you please watch Jordan w/those markers?  Don't let her write on anything but the paper, okay?"  10 minutes later I'm walking back into the room where they both are, wondering why it's so quiet in there.  I see Mima sitting in the exact same position I left her in.  And then I see Jordan.  Jordan who has decided to save the planet and not use the paper given to her for drawing purposes.  And why should she when she is totally enjoying the feeling of coloring BOTH sides of BOTH hands with each and every marker?!!!!!!!!!!!  Her hands looked like a confetti explosion.  And what is Mima's excuse for not stopping the confetti explosion?  "What?  You said the markers are washable?"  Um, yeah, if you get like a little bit on your hands.  NOT WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE JORDAN'S SKIN!   I have to ask: are there still people out there wondering if I'm ever going to have another child?  I mean really!  Come on.

Jordan and I went to the mall the other day.  While I was waiting to return something Jo-Jo decided she wanted no part of being in the stroller.  So I took her out to let her wander around me.  Now I know there a bunch of you out there who have the kids who take off and run, never looking back.  That has never been Jordan.  She usually wanders a tiny bit away from me, always keeping eye contact and then immediately comes back.  Someone must have told Jordan how exciting it is to just run and run and not look back b/c that is exactly what she decided to do.  Of course I'm totally blown away by this as I'm sprinting thru the store chasing my child down.  At some point this chase becomes incredibly funny to Jordan who now thinks giggling will turn this into a fun sport w/Mommy.  That is until Mommy tackles her child.  Jordan proceeded to have a MEGA meltdown.  Keep in mind this is all new for both of us.  So I'm standing there taking in all this crying, screaming, fit throwing, body strewn across the floor scene.  Not really knowing what to do I look up at all the people in the store who naturally are looking at me and I yell VERY loudly, "WHO'S KID IS THIS?  DOES THIS KID BELONG TO ANYBODY HERE?"  Of course I thought it was funny.  The people in the store were so confused and so freaked b/c they were sure the kid was mine!!!!

Once I gather up Jordan in my arms and bring her back to the register I sit her down on the counter and begin to have one of those very serious Mommy talks w/her.  You know how it goes:  You get that very serious look in your eyes.  Your voice is low and steady.  You are filled w/concern yet determined to get the message across.  And then you realize you're talking to a 2 year old who is now mesmerized by the electronic signature pen used when you swipe your credit card.

That's all for now from THE LAND OF JORDAN.  Hope everyone is enjoying the start of 2009.

Question:  Where moon go?