Nutty Nutcracker......

I felt a strong desire to write about what happened in "The Land of Jordan" today.

For nearly my entire childhood my Mom dragged (well, she dragged me but happily took my sister) to see The Nutcracker every year.  I'm sure for the first Nutcracker performance I must have been excited to see it.  But I quickly caught on that seeing The Nutcracker meant I had to get dressed up and for my Mom, getting dressed up meant you wore a dress.  OMG really?  A dress?  Me?  Have you met me?  Wearing a dress is equivalent to having teeth pulled w/OUT any drugs to numb you!!!  Not to mention that this particular 'play' is really boring.  Nobody speaks!  Nobody sings.  And I could never stop looking at the guys 'packages' b/c those tights are....well, quite tight!  How can you NOT look?

Fast forward a bunch of years.  My Mom hasn't 'dragged' me to this play in quite awhile but I realized that it's actually one of my favorite things she did w/us b/c it's a tradition and I love that I could tell JoJo all about our tradition.  And that's when I had the clever idea that I should pick the tradition back up and take JoJo every year to see the play where nobody speaks, nobody sings and I'm still strangely fascinated by the packages of the male dancers.

And today was the day to begin our tradition.  Today I took JoJo to see The Nutcracker.  Just us, a Mommy/JoJo day.

Unlike me, JoJo was THRILLED to get dressed up and I mean THRILLED!  Long blue velvety (is that a word) dress w/these adorable tights and red boots.  My kid was stylin!  And so was every other little girl there to see this show.  It's like a BIG dress up party for little girls.

Show starts, all is good.  JoJo is VERY interested and has lots of questions as to who's who and what's going on, b/c remember:  nobody speaks.  And I can't zone out and pretend I'm watching b/c she's firing questions at me left and right so I have to pay close attention to make sure I give her the correct answer/info......that is until the end, but we'll get there in a minute.

Now it's "halftime" and all is still okay in The Land of Jordan.  I have packed snacks, which she is devouring.  She has questions about what's to come in the show so I read that little program thing (playbill) and give her a quick rundown of what dances are coming up.  Lights blink......2nd half is about to start.

3 minutes into the 2nd half JoJo says, "Mom, how can they hold their 'talk' for so long?"  Good question kid cause I'm thinking if they let their 'talk' out this show would jump up a few notches in the excitement category.

12 minutes into the 2nd half, not only is JoJo getting fidgety but majority of the kids in the theatre are getting a bit antsy and I'm absolutely one of them!  It is impossible not to zone out.  And then the questions start:  "When are they going to be done w/this dance?  What's the next dance?  What happens next?  Can I have more pretzels?  Why are they still dancing?"

There is this one part of the show where this guy and girl pretty much spend a long time on stage dancing.  They start out dancing together.  Then the girl dances alone.  Then the boy dances alone.  Then they dance together again.  Then the girl dances alone.  Then the guy dances alone.  At this point JoJo is about over it (I'm way beyond over it) and she says to me "Mom, how come he's still on the stage?" and w/out thinking I bust out a smart ass remark and say "I don't know, maybe he's a stage hog?" and JoJo ERUPTS and I am NOT exaggerating, she ERUPTS into a fit of laughter and this theatre is COMPLETELY silent other than the orchestra playing their gig.  And of course when you know you should not be laughing you can't stop and it becomes impossible to control it.  I literally had my hand over JoJo's mouth as the two of us were cracking up about the dude being a stage hog.  THAT was highlight of the show where nobody speaks and nobody sings and guys show off their packages.

Now we are nearing the end of the show, except I am convinced it's not the end of the show.  Somehow, at some point in my life, maybe during one of the many Nutcracker shows I've been to, I have drummed up a completely different ending in my mind.  And I was so convinced of this ending that it actually felt real in my head!  I even told JoJo to stay seated b/c there was no way the play was about to end even though the house lights came on and everyone around had their coats on and were heading towards the door.  Damn, I hate when I swear I'm right and I'm completely wrong!

Who's seen this show?  It just kinda ends.  There's no wrap up of what happens when the girl wakes up from her dream.  However, in my 'real' mind there is and it goes like this:  she wakes up, goes to the Nutcracker which has been broken from the day before and when she picks the nutcracker up he's miraculously fixed!  Happy ending, so-to-speak.  I was so convinced that this takes place.  We had to call my Mom for confirmation on this.  She laughed at me which meant I clearly made it up.  Must have been during one of those zoned out performances where nobody speaks and nobody sings and the men have ridiculous packages.

I'm gonna have to think about if this is a tradition I want my kid to suffer through.

The Return of JoJo!

Guess who's back?  Guess who's 6 years old?  Guess who's parents got divorced?  But guess who's doing awesome w/the whole change and transition and loving life?  JoJo!  That's who!

Jordan had an incredibly eventful year and man is she a trooper.  She continues to amaze me and blow me away w/the way she has adapted to such a huge change in her life.  I am absolutely going to take some of the credit for her happiness and the transition going so well b/c I worked my ASS off making sure she was prepared and knew everything up front and constantly checked in w/her to talk about any concerns/fears she may have had.  And of course in the end two happy homes are way better than one miserable one!!

So, like in the past, I have kept an on going list of things JoJo has said which I find hilarious and entertaining and I am now going to share them w/you.  This list is probably going to be VERY long seeing how it's been FOREVER since my last post....and some of these things happened last year but hopefully you will enjoy them just the same!

Here we go:

"Mom, Jaden got bit by a shark."  "No he didn't JoJo."  "Yes he did Mom."  "Jordan, he's faking it."  "No Mom, he's not faking it b/c Jaden is 6 years old and that means he knows."

One VERY hot summer day, 105 outside, pull up to the house and the leaves on the plants are all drooping:  "Mom!  The leaves on those plants are just like your boobs:  DROOPY!"

"The sun is over Asia and NJ.  That's it Mom, Asia and NJ are the two places where the sun is."

"My poop is on vacation Mom, that's why I'm not pooping so you can stop asking me now."

Jordan still to this day calls oatmeal:  "opameal" and I refuse to correct her b/c it's THAT cute.

Instead of saying 'every other' Jordan still says "either other".

Something happened and she turns to me w/her hands up and says, "It's freaking me out Mom!"

One day we were driving somewhere (one of our many adventures I'm sure) and I had a bag of Skittles w/me.  JoJo did something that warranted a 'driving time out' which basically meant she wasn't getting any Skittles and man did she want those Skittles.  I told her when/if she calmed down I would give her a few Skittles.  Naturally she calmed down w/in 3 seconds but quickly became annoyed when I wouldn't let her hold the bag.  I explained that she was not going to be holding the bag, that I would hand her a few at a time and that I needed her to sit there and think about how her actions & attitude affected others (me).....so my smart ass kid says:  "How about this Mom:  you give me the bag to hold and then I will sit here and think about my actions and attitude.  Is that a good idea Mom?"

She told me one day:  "you need to buy 'teacher' band aids b/c they don't stick like 'mommy' band aids do."

We go thru phases of talking about death and heaven.  This subject is fascinating to her.  So she says, "I want my skin to stay w/me when I go to heaven.  And I don't want to be in the ground.  Who do I send a message to at the cemetery so they will know?"

"There's a seed in my vagina Mom.  Everybody has this seed and it doesn't ever come out.  Sometimes my seed itches."

Instead of saying hearing aid JoJo says "earring aid".

One day JoJo's teacher told me she was extremely mushy and very attached to her that day, was wondering if everything was okay.  So we get in the car and I'm asking JoJo if she's okay, anything she wants to talk about, how come you were so mushy w/your teacher.......and she says:  "Mom, Miss Ruchalski's sweater was so soft and snuggly I just wanted to be wrapped in it all day!"

I pissed Jordan off one day and she turns to me and says, "I'm telling on you!"

"Mom, I'm going to marry a boy so I can have a baby.  If I marry a girl then we won't know who will have the baby."  "You know JoJo if you marry a girl you both can have a baby."  "I know Mom but if I marry a boy he can't have a baby b/c he's not a seahorse and remember we learned that the only boy who can have a baby is a boy seahorse?"

"My body told me it was time to wake up."  (6:30am)  "Great JoJo, but Mommy's body didn't tell her it was time to wake up, you did."

Jordan is also fascinated w/me being adopted and recently asked:  "Mom, what ladies belly were you in and how did Bubby & Pop-Pop find you in there?"

Last year Jordan's Uncle Wally died, which is really what started the interest in the subject of dying.  This conversation I'm about to tell you was not something I thought I'd have w/my then 5 year old:  "Mom, is Uncle Wally in a graveyard?"  "No honey he is not."  "Then where is he?"  And keeping w/the never lying to my child rule:  "Well honey there's this thing called cremation for people who don't want to be buried in the ground.  They put your body in a box and well, they basically burn your body and the box and then they give someone in your family the ashes of the person who was cremated."  She says, "How do you get in the fire?"  "There are people that work there who know what they are doing and they take care of putting the box in the fire."  Then she wanted to know if I wanted to be cremated, "Yes JoJo I do."  And she thinks on this for a little bit and then says, "I'm just not sure what I want to do Mom, I need to think about this, ok?"  A few days later we drive past a cemetery and she says, "Mom, Uncle Wally is not in there do you know why?"  "Why JoJo?"  "Because he got fired Mom."

Driving home one day I'm all chatty w/JoJo and she says, "I want you to stop talking now Mom, I'm really tired."  SERVED by my kid!

I was so thirsty one day so smarty pants says to me "You have to drink water to hydrate Mom."  How does she know this??????

"Jordan, you want to take a bath tonite?"  "I don't know Mom, do YOU want me to take a bath tonite?"

"I'm gonna be on TV Mommy cause I'm gonna be famous!"  "I want to be on TV too JoJo!!"  "Oh you will Mom, b/c you will be in the audience watching me."

"When you're in heaven do they have band aids in case you get a boo-boo?"  "And is the hospital above heaven, like in outer space?"

Jordan has taken on saying 'no worries' if something goes wrong.

One day I said to Jordan how I wished I could spend every minute of every day w/her and my level headed child says, "You have to marry Mima again if you want to spend every second w/me."  Damn she's smart.

Instead of keeping her eyes peeled, she keeps her "eyes pierced".

She calls baptism "bathtism" which is kinda right cause don't they dunk your head w/water?

"Why are there spiders in this world?  I would like for spiders to go away please!"  Apparently JoJo has my fear of spiders.....I tried so hard to not let this happen!

JoJo's friend's parents celebrate Ramadan and JoJo is very curious about this.  "Mom, if Nancy eats the tiniest teensiest little thing will she get in trouble?"  "By who JoJo?  Who will she get in trouble by?"  "By Santa Mom, duh!  Will Santa only give her coal b/c she ate the tiniest little thing?"  Then she says, "Good thing we're not that religion Mom cause that whole fasting thing.......I don't know about that!"

A friend of Jordan's was working her last nerve one day and so we were talking about it afterwards and I said, "He knows how to push your buttons" and she says, "But I don't have any buttons."

We saw a bunch of JoJo's friends from when she went to school at the Y which was a few years ago and she says to me, "Mom, those are my Y friends from way way way way back in the day."

And finally the last thing I have written down to share w/you all is this:  Jordan and I were about to play a board game called Spuzzle.  Right before we were going to play I was holding her and giving her TONS and TONS and TONS of kisses all over her face and she says to me:  "I prefer the kisses over Spuzzle!"  Me too JoJo, me too!!!!

Wow, it feels good to be back in The Land of Jordan!!!

Hope you all enjoyed this long overdue update.......I shall try my best to continue w/the posts.......