The Fascination Of Poop

Why do kids find poop to be so interesting?  Is it b/c they witness their parents scrunching up their noses while changing a poopy diaper?  Does that make them interested?  Or is it b/c on occasion we parents have been known to let out a rather loud, "WOAH, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!" which could peak the interest of a child? 

Can't quite be sure what the reason is but Jordan is not only living in The Land of Jordan, she also resides in the Poop is Fascinating World.  Each time our child poops and we change the poopy diaper Jordan says, "See poop, see poop!"  And of course we (or at least I do this) show her the poop in her diaper.  Sometimes she continues the poop conversation and says, "big poop Mommy" to which I reply, "yes honey, that is a big poop, good job!"  And why is it I reward my child w/poopy praise?  I don't praise her each time she pees.  Yet I find myself telling her how proud I am that she pooped and we high five each other.  What is that all about?  Nobody high fives me when I poop.

And that brings me to the next poopy paragraph.  Jordan's interest in poop doesn't stop w/just her poop.  Nope, she's now showing intense interest in MY poop!  Now, for those of you who know me, really know me, you know that I have what we like to refer to as 'bashful bowels' which basically means:  I can't and won't poop in front of anyone, if anyone is remotely close to the bathroom I can't and won't poop and I won't poop in public places.  Yes, yes, yes, I know I have issues but this isn't about me.  

Of course having a child really changes things in your life, or at least in my life.  Pooping is one of those changes.  I have no issues pooping in front of Jordan.  And she has no issues following me into the bathroom to watch me poop.  Now this is where it gets bit weird........she now wants to see MY poop.  "See poop Mommy!"  And there we are, having a moment, looking at my poop!!  Nobody high fives me during this moment, it's a bit of a let down.

I have shared way too much during this blog...........onto other things!

Counting.  How is it that children know when a parent turns to them and says, "I'm going to count to three" that if that parent actually gets to the number three they are in big trouble?  I mean seriously, how do they know this?  I've not seen it written in any of the books or stories I read to Jordan.  I haven't heard any of the other kids telling each other, "Oh man, my mom got to the number three the other night and it was not pretty, you better not let your mom get to the number three."  Yet somehow they just know.  And did we think we'd be using this tactic on our child at the age of 2?  Well we are.  It's mostly used around the diaper change/pajama time.  Jordan loves to tell us "no diaper" when we say it's time for a diaper change and she takes off running in another direction thinking that we'll never catch her.  Same thing when it's time for pajamas.  Then Mima starts counting, "One"......."Two"......."Three" and Jordan comes running into her arms to avoid whatever consequences 'three' might hold.

Snow.  Again, for those of you who really know me you know that snow is one of my most favorite things in the world!  I love snow, wish for snow and if I wore pajamas to bed I'd wear them inside out just like every kid on the planet which pretty much guarantees snow!  So we finally got snow this year!  And a good amount of it.  I could not wait to get Jordan out there in it.  I was under the impression that if I loved snow then Jordan would love snow too.  Isn't that how this parent thing works?  Our first time out was at night.  She stood perfectly still, not sure what to make of the white fluffy stuff falling from the sky.  We lasted 10 minutes out there.  The next time was during the day and there was a lot of snow on the ground.  I was convinced this was the day she would discover how amazing snow is.  We lasted 10 minutes.  She was not overly happy about not being able to move her arms (b/c she was all bundled up) and not very happy about not being able to grasp anything b/c she can't get her tiny little thumb into the thumb section of the mittens so she can't grasp anything.  And when she fell she could not get up.  The third time was late afternoon, nearly dark out.  I took her sledding w/her cousins Andrew & Christianna.  I was sure this would seal the deal!  We lasted 20 minutes.  We went down the hill 3 times and after the third time she told me "no more".  I was so bummed but of course could not give up.  So I start throwing questions at her:  "are you hungry?", she answered no.  "Do you want to go home?", she answered no.  "Do you want to go sledding again?", she answered no.  So like any mature parent I told Jordan, "I don't think you know what you mean" and I put the two of us back on the sled and down the hill we went!!!  

The Land of Jordan has turned into The Land of Presents!  The month of December is present month in our house:  birthday, Chanukah and Christmas.

Speaking of Chanukah, we lit the candles last night for the first night of Chanukah and Jordan immediately blew them out!  So we light them again and this time I am pulling the Menorah away from Jordan who is insisting on blowing the candles out b/c isn't that we do w/candles?  For the last 3 weeks, each time we've lit a candle it's been to sing happy birthday and have her blow the candle out so she's looking at us like, "Hello?  What's w/you people?  Candles, make a wish, blow them out, get a gift!"  And here I am trying to explain to a 2 year old the difference b/een Chanukah candles and birthday candles.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

"Jo-Jo" Turns Two!!!!!!!

For those of you not in the know, 'Jo-Jo' is the name Jordan goes by these days.  It's not ever Jordan's turn, it's always "Jo-Jo's turn."  It's not ever Jordan's house, it's always "Jo-Jo's house."  It's not ever Jordan's car, it's always "Jo-Jo's car."  In fact it's all Jo-Jo's now that I think about it.  Christina and I own nothing and have nothing according to Jo-Jo b/c it's all hers!  

Jo-Jo is officially a 2 year old!!!!  So far (and I'm sure I'm going to regret putting this in writting) the two's are not so terrible.  Of course we've only been in the two's for a very short amount of time...........and I can hear everyone right now saying, "ohhhh, just you wait.....it's coming!"  But so far we are doing okay here in yet another unfamiliar stage of Jo-Jo's life.  

The area we do seem to be having major issues in would be the pediatrician visits.  For some reason Jordan is absolutely terrified of her pediatrician right now.  She seems somewhat okay w/the nurses but man, once her doctor walks into the room Jordan starts climbing up my body, crying, saying "no" over and over again, and refusing to make eye contact in hopes that this little trick will make the doctor walk out of the room b/c if eye contact is not made then there's no way the doctor sees Jordan right?  So mommy comes up w/a plan!  I had to take Jordan to the doctor this past week (she has a nasty cold) and this time I brought w/us, as a surprise to Jordan, her pretend doctor's kit!!  As we were waiting for the doctor to come into the room I pulled out the kit and Jordan seemed totally psyched about it.  We talked about how we're going to look in the doctor's ears and the doctor's eyes and we're going to listen to the doctor's chest and take the doctor's temperature too!  We seemed to be doing great at this point.  That is until time starts slipping by and we're stuck in the room waiting, and waiting and waiting for the doctor to come in.  I've always had issues w/the waiting for anything in life and now that Jordan is w/me I have even bigger issues w/the waiting b/c I don't think people in the world who do not have children understand YOU CAN NOT KEEP US LOCKED IN A SMALL ROOM FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME!!!!  Things are bound to happen.  

What things?  Well, let's just say those cute little labels on the cotton ball jar that say 'PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH, FOR STAFF ONLY'......yeah, I just turned the jar around a bit so I didn't actually see the label anymore and Jordan and I had a cotton ball throwing contest.  And the jar filled w/those tongue depressers?  Turned that jar around too!  It's sort of like Jordan's eye contact theory:  if you don't see it then it's not there, right?  We used the tongue depressers to play baseball w/the cotton balls.

And suddenly the door to our very tiny room opens, in walks the pediatrician who is greeted by me wearing the pretend stethoscope, the pretend blood pressure cuff, the pretend band aid, the pretend thermometer hanging out of my mouth, cotton balls in my ears, cotton balls on my head, tongue depressers attached to my fingers w/some rubber bands I managed to find in the drawers............and then Jordan climbing up my body, crying, saying "no" over and over again and refusing to make eye contact!

We are now entering the 3 word sentence phase!!!  It's so cool and really fun to hear Jordan put together sentences that actually make sense!  The other night we had, "Where moon go?" when the moon could not be located from any window in our house.  One of my favorites is, "Mommy sit here."  That one is very cute, boarding on bossy.  Then we have the sentences that get a bit mixed up.  Lately Jordan has decided that brushing her teeth is just not a priority so she tells us, "Teeth brush no!" thinking that's going to get her out of it.

We are still into pointing out each and every school bus we see while we're in the car, but now we are actually waving and saying, "HI BUS" to each one and then, "BYE BUS" when it passes us.  This is also applied to each and every truck we see while in the car, "HI TRUCK" and then it passes us, "BYE TRUCK".  We now look beyond the road and have discovered the: "SIGNS!!!"  Which is quickly followed up with, "MORE SIGNS!!!"  Can't leave out "FLAGS!!!" also followed up with, "MORE FLAGS!!!"  Have you ever noticed that car dealerships have the ultimate biggest flags?  Why is that?

I've mentioned in the past how Jordan is very affectionate and that has not changed a bit, if anything she's even more affectionate these days.  Her new thing is wanting to hold my hand which is awesome, but, she is not asking to hold my hand while we are walking or sitting or playing.  Nope, it's while I'm driving!  "HAND, HOLD, MOMMY!"  So instead of saying, "Jordan mommy is driving right now and I can't hold your hand b/c well you see I'm in the front seat and you're in the back seat", I don't say anything at all.  Instead I lean my entire body over towards the center console, reach my arm back in the most uncomfortable position imaginable, allow her to grab hold of my hand and we continue driving in this position until one of two things happens:  1 - my arm losses all blood circulation and falls off........or 2 - I am pulled over by the police b/c it appears as if no one is driving my car b/c I'm so sprawled over the center console.

I realize now why people decorate the outside of their houses for the holidays and it has nothing to do w/religion!  It's to make car rides at night way more fun for 2 year olds!  Jordan loves, loves, loves the holiday lights on all the homes.  The more we see the more she wants!  Sometimes I feel as if I'm on a reality show being timed to see if I can find the next house that has holiday lights up.  "More lights, more lights, more lights" is what we hear if we are passing houses which are not lit up.  Your child somehow takes over your car and you find yourself zooming thru neighborhoods searching for lit up houses and under your breath cursing out the folks who own the houses w/no lights!

And speaking of holidays - hope everyone out there has a great one!  

That's all from THE LAND OF JORDAN............

Let There Be No Doubt......Jordan is a JEW!!!!!!!!!

Today I decided to take Jordan to see Santa and to have her picture taken w/the jolly dude in the red suit.  Well that didn't quite go the way I had it planned out in my head.  Jordan took one look at this red suited, big bellied, white bearded guy and she FREAKED OUT!  She was terrified!  She was clinging to my body so tightly, arms wrapped completely around my neck, legs would have been completely wrapped around my body had it not been for those pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream I've been consuming..........

So I revert to what every mother on the planet does in a desperate time of need:  bribery!  "Jordan, he's a nice man and he's the guy who brings you presents!"  "Jordan, he has a present for you but you have to sit on his lap."  Meanwhile in her mind she's like, "Duh, I'm not falling for this b/c my mommies are the ones who bring me presents and all I have to do is go to the store w/them and not sit on some strangers lap!"  

I have scratch marks on both sides of my neck from attempting to pull her off me so I can place her onto Santa's lap.  The instant contact was made on the lap of the dude in the red suit, Jordan reached a whole new level of freak out so I immediately put a stop to the every-kid-gets-one-every-year Santa picture.  And all was good in the world once we were far enough away from the dude in the red suit.

Ahhhh Chanukah, calm, candles, latkas, 8 nights of presents, no need for dead trees in the living room, no scary red suited men.

Jordan is beginning to recognize certain places or areas when we are in the car now.  Like when we're heading towards or near our dry cleaners she starts spewing from the backseat:  "APPAPOP, APPAPOP" which sounds like 'apple pop' but really means 'LOLLIPOP' b/c the wonderful folks at our dry cleaners give Jordan a lollipop each every time we go there.  So I find myself avoiding the "APPAPOP" roads on the days we do not have to pick anything up at the dry cleaners.  She also recognizes the Y where we take our Parent/Toddler class which I've been calling 'school', so when we pull into the parking lot she starts saying "FAN" which really means 'Fran' who is Jordan's teacher.

Hanging out w/mostly heterosexual moms and their kids has had some affect on Jordan.  I wasn't aware that she was being affected by this until the two of us were shopping in Bed Bath & Beyond and Jordan started yelling at the top of her lungs, "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY"..........now that made for an interesting moment.

Jordan is madly in love w/our cat Nina.  Nina, not so much w/Jordan.  I bought 'snacks' for Nina and put them in 'the snack' cabinet which is full of Jordan's snacks and Jordan can go in there at any time and pull out what she wants.  These days it seems she is only interested in Nina's snacks, not to eat, but to insist that we feed these snacks to Nina a minimum of 7 times a day.  Jordan, using her 2 word sentences will come up to me w/the Nina snacks in her hand and say, "NINA EAT" so we go upstairs to where Nina is sleeping (and pretty much living during Jordan's awake hours) and we feed her a few snacks.  I'm thinking this might work out for Jordan, Nina will most likely start associating good snacks w/Jordan and then start to love Jordan.......that is until Nina came downstairs after a full day of "NINA EAT" and Nina proceeded to puke at my feet.  

Speaking of 2 word sentences..........they are awesome and they are amazing!  Most of Jordan's 2 word sentences start w/"MOMMY" but I am soooooooo good w/that!  In fact I'm in love w/it!  "MOMMY COME."  "MOMMY MORE."  "MOMMY TENT." (meaning come and play in the tent w/me)

That's it from the Land Of Jordan for now, hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!

Daylight Savings = Insanity!

I'm sure majority of you out there are enjoying the extra hour of sleep due to daylight savings.  That's just great, swell, lovely, wonderful (dripping w/sarcasm) and really frustrating to those of us living in the Brooks/Minardi household.  I am hereby demanding to speak to whomever is in charge of this daylight savings thing.  I would like to do away w/it.  We have gained NOTHING in this savings, NOTHING!  If anything we have LOST an hour of sleep.  LOST!  Who looses an hours sleep when you turn the clocks back?  Jordan.  That's who.  She is so thrown off by this and now we are so thrown off by this.  What's going to happen when Spring comes and we have to turn the clocks ahead an hour?  Oh good God, we're doomed.  That's it, I'm revolting.  I refuse to turn my clocks in any direction, we are staying on the old time - who's with me?  

We made it thru our 2nd Jordan Halloween w/only a slight sugar buzz.  Jordan was invited to a funky cool Halloween party where cupcakes and cookies covered in orange icing were readily available to the kids and they quickly figured out that each of them could reach up and grab whatever they wanted from the table of orange icing.  No words were spoken.  They all just somehow knew the table of orange icing was there in the other room waiting to be taken over by 25 little arms reaching up and randomly pulling down some sugar filled treat.  Every single child at the party had orange icing mushed across their face, in their noses, hair, fingernails and yes of course all over their costumes.  And this was all BEFORE we went out to trick-or-treat.

Trick-or-treating was pretty fun this year.  Fun to watch your child be pushed up to some strangers door, forced to knock or ring the bell, forced to stand there waiting for the unknown to happen, promises of candy delivered by the stranger behind the door.......only thing is nobody was home at that house.  Hmmmm, okay.  Due-over!  Anyway, totally cool to see Jordan up on someone's porch giving her candy.  Jordan was mesmerized by the whole process and couldn't quite understand that after you got the candy you said thank you and walked away.  She just stood at each person's door and didn't move.  Very cute.  After about 5 doors of receiving candy she told me she was "all done" so we packed up and went home.  And that's actually where I think she had the best time b/c when our doorbell would ring she would go running to the door all kinds of excited and was so happy to be giving out candy to all these people dressed up in silly costumes.  She enjoyed this so much that she nearly gave away our entire candy bowl to the first 2 kids who came to our door!

Speaking of "all done"..........Jordan and her cousin Max had a fun filled trip to Build-A-Bear a few weeks ago.  They each chose to stuff a dog instead of a bear.  By the time Max was done his dog was decked out in a Batman outfit.  By the time Jordan was done (more like by the time I was done) her dog was decked out in a WNBA outfit!  What?  Jordan actually chose this outfit

after I pulled it down from the shelf, showed it to her, hid all the other outfits in the store and told her this was the coolest outfit I'd ever seen and didn't she think it would look amazing on her dog?  So we go to the finishing area where you create your birth certificate for their newly stuffed/built dogs and you get to give them a name.  Max's dog was given the obvious name:  Batdog.  Jordan's turn.  So mommy says, "Jordan, what would you like to name your dog?"  To which Jordan replies, "All done."  And that's the name I put on her dog's birth certificate.  

A few little awesome tidbits about Jordan:  she can count to 10, she can pick out the letters P, O & N from the alphabet, she is putting 2 & 3 words together to form her sentences, she's bossy (and getting bossier), she is 23 months old today which means we are exactly ONE MONTH from her 2nd birthday, she likes pumpkin pie (discovered this last night), she imitates nearly everything I do or say.

That's all for now from The Land of Jordan..........

Approaching The "Two"

The Land of Jordan is quickly approaching the 2 year mark.  I don't know about anyone else but I'm completely blown away by this.  Wasn't it just last week I was breast feeding?  Wasn't it just last week Jordan was up every hour of every day having her mommies walking the planet in a zombie state of mind?  Wasn't it just last week we went from a couple to a party of 3?  Wasn't it just last week I was NOT driving a mom car?  

I'm attempting to teach Jordan the answer to this question:  "How old are you going to be?"  For the most part she is seriously getting it down!  Majority of the time she answers, "twooooo" (this particular number seems to be sung more than any of the other numbers, two is now twoooooooo)  But I decided to change up the question on her today, mix it up a bit.  I asked her, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be.........?" expecting her to say "twooooo" instead I was met w/what could only be the most obvious answer:  "CAKE!"  Because you see, the word BIRTHDAY equals CAKE and shame on me for not realizing this sooner.  So, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be............'CAKE'"!!!!  Makes perfect sense right?

The other day I witnessed Jordan taking inventory of her face in the mirror.  She sat in front of the mirror (not knowing I was watching) and proceeded to go over every part of her face, saying it all out loud and pointing to what she was saying, "Eye, eye brow, eye lash, nose (which was followed by a tiny "beep"), mouth, teeth, cheek, ear, hair, chin, neck and we ended w/a major lick of the tongue across the mirror.

When it comes to sharing Jordan is pretty good about it.  She's very generous and giving...until we enter The Little Gym.  For some reason my daughter is under the impression that the balance beam and all the other very large pieces of equipment belong to her.  I can't be sure when this started or why this is happening but it's really not my favorite thing.  If she is on the balance beam and some other little kid comes over to use it they are met w/a very whinny "nooooooooooooooooo" followed by the body of my daughter thrown onto the floor assuming the pout stance, which I have to say she's mastered.  And mommy has mastered the 'okay you go and have your little fit' move by turning and walking away.  And then we enter our stand off/stare down phase.  Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Western movie......walking the 10 paces, quickly turning around to see who shoots first.

Jordan is beginning to really, really talk a lot.  Tons of words, words put together w/other words and lots of pretend play.  I have eaten so much pretend soup I think I actually feel full.  "Mommy, soup" followed by the spoon Jordan is holding shoved into my mouth so that she is sure I have tasted the soup.  And we do this at least 74 more times until I'm pretty convinced we're nearing the end of the soup.  

I am madly, deeply in love w/hearing Jordan say, "MOMMY" and I know one day soon I'm going to be writing about how I wish she'd give it a rest but for now I  can not get enough of it.  I love it so much that I find myself asking her, "Who am I?" just to hear her say, "MOMMY".  It's the best sound in the whole entire world.

Halloween is upon us.  Jordan is a flower this year.  I am so interested to see how & when the connection is made for Jordan:  ring the door bell, say "trick or treat", hold out your bag and GET CANDY!!!!!!!!!  The connection probably won't happen until next year, but this year will be very fun I'm sure.  I know after the first house we go to she is not going to be interested in going to any other houses b/c she'll be so satisfied w/whatever is in her little Halloween bag.  But not mommy!  Mommy wants to get the most/best candy EVER!  My intensions are very clear:  use the cuteness of my kid to maximize the amount of candy we get.

Seeking The Thrill............

The Land of Jordan is changing.  Things that used to be are no longer.  Take the swings at the park for example.  Last week Jordan decided she no longer wanted me to put her in the 'baby' swing seat.  She wanted to be on the big kids swings like the big kids.  So onto the big kid swing I placed her and proceeded to spew out orders of, "DO NOT LET GO" and "DON'T LEAN BACK TOO FAR" followed again with "DO NOT LET GO" for fear my daughter after the first push was going to topple backwards off the big kid swing into that cavernous hole of dirt beneath the swing.  

The first push was successful.  She loved it and wanted more.  I on the other hand wanted her back in the safety of the 'baby' swing seat where I could push her as high and as fast as the swing would allow knowing all the while she was protected by that bucket of a seat.  So, I gave her more.  I pushed her over and over again on the big kid swing but not too high and not too fast b/c each time an airplane flew overhead she would remove a hand from the rusty swing chain and point up to the sky yelling, "AIRPLANE" as I'm yelling, "DO NOT LET GO!!!!"

Well the same thing happened today at the park.  No interest in the 'baby' swings but major interest in the big kid swings!  So onto the swing she goes and I now take my pushing position behind the swing where as with the 'baby' swing I was always pushing from the front and entertaining her at the same time w/some silly face or some silly dance or pretending that she kicked me and I'd fall onto the ground which always brought major laughter from her little body!  

Jordan managed to hold on the entire time she was swinging and she seemed very happy.  But when she was done I asked her to watch Mommy swing and I proceeded to swing w/a purpose and get some serious air!  She loved it, but, wanted to be a part of it.  So I pop Jordan onto my lap and we start swinging.  But we're not just sissy swinging, we are swinging super high and super fast and I'm yelling, "weeeeeeeee" and this beautiful child on my lap is giggling so hard she can't catch her breath.  And now I'm giggling b/c she's giggling and she's giggling b/c I'm giggling and at some point I realize she's slipping down my legs and I'm only holding onto her by her shorts.  So we stop.  And we start over and do the whole thing again.  Giggles and all.  And when we're finished some random kid comes up to me and asks me if I can do that w/him!!!

Speaking of "weeeeeee", Jordan's car seat has been relocated to the middle seat.  I felt like she'd be more entertained if she could actually see what's coming or going in the world while we're driving.  She seems very happy there or at least very interested in pointing out to me every truck, bus, car, tree, house and light she sees.  But the best is when I'm driving and I don't think she's paying attention and the rode will have some sort of dip in it, like a stomach drop dip and we'll go over this dip and from the back seat I'll hear, "weeeeeeee" followed by, "more, more" as if I can control where the dips in the rode might be.  

I think Jordan likes that stomach drop thrill.

Instead of a yard sale I think I might have an overstock food sale for anyone who might be interested.  Time and time again I have made the same ridiculous mistake when it comes to purchasing snacks/food for Jordan.  Jordan, like most kids, is a fan of whatever any other kid has.  For example, if her buddy Jake is eating a cereal bar then Jordan MUST have one too.  So I figure she's loving cereal bars now and I better rush out to the store and buy not just one box, but at least two boxes of cereal bars b/c I'm all about having a back up of stock!  And the next day when full of enthusiasm I offer her a cereal bar she turns it down as if it's the most disgusting thing on the planet.  At our Parent/Toddler class they gave out Fruit Loops for a snack one day and Jordan loved them, even asked for more of them.  So, where did we go right from class?  Yep, to the store to purchase a box of Fruit Loops.  But this wasn't just any box of Fruit Loops, this was the mack-daddy COSTCO size box of Fruit Loops.  And once again Mommy looks like an idiot when offering her child this snack that was so loved the day before and now is frowned upon.

We are entering a new phase.......the acknowledgment of the poopy phase.  Yes, yes, I know this means potty training is right around the corner but I don't think anyone understands how much I love diapers and how I am not against changing a diaper or how I'm not against Jordan being in diapers and then there's the whole I-have-no-interest-in-potty-training thing.  I'm serious, I am just not interested and I can't seem to get interested either.  So yes, Jordan is now telling me when she has pooped.  Well, it's a bit confusing but sometimes she's right on the money w/it.  Sometimes she poops and then comes up to us and tells us, "POOP" and she's right.  Other times if someone says the word 'diaper' she hears this and says, "POOP".  And there have been times when she's farted and says, "POOP".  Oh and lets not forget each and every time I change her diaper she says, "POOP" whether poop is actually there or not.  I'm beginning to think poop is her favorite word.  And when I say "POOP" to her she scrunches up her face and makes these pushing sounds, it's very funny!

I just don't feel like taking her clothes off to have her sit on that stupid little potty thing for like a nano-second and not pee or poop only to have to put her clothes back on again.  She does come into the bathroom w/us when we have to pee and she sits on her potty (fully clothed) while we are peeing and she even takes toilet paper and wipes herself.  Granted she's wiping either her jeans or her shorts but she's wiping!  And then she throws the toilet paper in the toilet and she flushes so these are all good signs right?  I agree.  So I'm thinking w/a little more visual silent training she'll just start doing it all on her own and I'll be free and clear of the whole potty training thing.  She'll be able to pull her own pants off, remove her diaper, take a seat and have it all just happen!!  I mean the world is all about natural this and natural that, natural births, the kid will start walking when they're ready, the kid will start talking when they're ready, and isn't the kid will start using the toilet when they're ready in that mix too??

That's all from The Land of Jordan for now..............

Another New Discovery.....

Hello from The Land Of Jordan again.  A land full of discoveries waiting to be uncovered.

This week we have discovered the world of tattoos!  Yes, that's right, I did say tattoos.  Real ones too. 

Jordan has shown a very intense interest in the tattoo I have on my ankle.  Yesterday morning we spent a great deal of time tracing it w/our fingers and saying over and over again, "TATTOO" only to my ears it sounded like "AT TOO", not to be confused w/what is said after you sneeze, "AH CHOO".

Silly Mommy thinks we are only fascinated w/saying the name over and over again, "AT TOO, AT TOO, AT TOO" until I walk back into the bathroom and find Jordan on the floor drawing on HER ankle w/Mima's lipstick.  And that's when Mommy uses the heard-a-gazillion-times-a-day phrase:  "UH-OH"!!!!

Speaking of hearing something over and over again - we must hear the word "no" at least 9,000 times in the course of one day.  "No" is the answer to any and all questions.  "Jordan, would you like a snack?"  "No."  "Jordan, do you want to go the park?"  "No."  Mima asked Jordan this question the other day:  "Jordan, did you poop yesterday?"  "No" was Jordan's reply when in fact she had pooped.  And then Mima asked her, "Jordan, are you going to poop today?"  "No" was the answer again and then 3 minutes later we had a poopy diaper!

My Mom says we are the generation who ask our children too many questions instead of her generation where they just told the children what was going to happen.  I feel like I'm some where in between generations b/c I first ask Jordan a question which is always answered w/the ever popular "No" and then I wind up telling Jordan what is going to happen whether she likes it or not.  So I fall into the ASK THEN TELL category.

We've been dealing w/Jordan having a cold for nearly 2 weeks now.  This particular cold has manifested itself inside Jordan's nose leaving her unable to breathe thru her nose and walking around sounding a bit like a mini-Darth Vader.  She's starting to put a few words together to form sentences so if "Luke, I am your father" comes out of her mouth I won't be overly surprised!

I tried something on Jordan I've never used before:  the nose suction thingy.  I figured it had to be helpful to suck out all those sloshy boogies right?  So I tackle the first nostril and I'm successful except Jordan is completely wide eyed and freaked out by what I had I just done to her.  Tackling the second nostril is not so easy.  Jordan is flipping out, fighting me every step of the way.  I finally get her pinned down, hands are secured and I'm heading in w/the nose suction thingy.  I'm in position and as I squeeze the nose suction thingy to get it ready for suctioning I wind up squeezing it too hard and a major glob of pre-suctioned boogies comes flying out from the nose suction thingy and lands smack in the middle of Jordan's hair.  Lovely.  At this point I figure why suction when boogies are in her hair, what's the difference if boogies are on her face too?

Today we had our Parent/Toddler class at the Y.  This is a fantastic class which Jordan seems to love.  Someone made the wise decision to bring in the sand box table for the kids to play with indoors.  Initially I thought this was a great decision b/c the kids just stand at the table and run their fingers/hands thru the sand or take some shovels/spoons/cups and fill it up w/sand.  It's not like they're sitting in the sand or rolling in it b/c it's a table not an actual box.  Jordan had a blast at this table.  In fact I think she had too much of a good time at this table b/c when I got her home and took her diaper off.................OH MY GOD................HOW DID ALL THIS SAND GET IN HER DIAPER?  Was I not watching her the whole time?  Did she take a cup full of sand, lift her shirt, pull out her pants, pull out her diaper and dump the sand down there?  Did she conspire w/another kid there to have them put the sand in her diaper?  OH MY GOD, we might as well have been at the beach.  Sand up her butt, sand in her "Veh Jay Jay", sand all over my floor, SAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that's all for this week's LAND OF JORDAN update.

North Carolina For Some Cousin Lovin'

As our plane landed in NJ from NC this past Friday I realized Jordan was on her 26th flight.  She has more mileage on her than a used car!  Of course to me each flight, whether it's the 9th flight or the 26th flight brings on the same level of panic and panic packing that comes along when you're traveling w/a child.

My diaper bag, when flying, is like a larger swollen retaining water version of itself b/c I have it stuffed w/so many snacks, books, toys, the DVD player, too many DVDs, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, drinks and of course a back-up pacifier!  All for that just-in-case-we-are-stuck-in-the-airport situation.

Who needs airline food?  I can provide each passenger w/Graduates dried fruit snacks, cookies, gold fish, pretzels, string cheese, fruit, fruit roll-ups, Cheerios, milk and water.  It's the same amount of stuff whether we're flying an hour to NC or 3-4 hours to some island.

Don't worry about your hands getting dirty.  I have enough wipes in my swollen bag to wipe down the outside of the plane if need be.

No pillows to be had on the plane?  No worries, just prop a few of my 17 unused diapers together and you have yourself a pillow!

I can have story time on the plane for those passengers who wish to attend.

I can show many different movies depending on the mood of the passengers:  I find Winnie The Pooh to be calming and sweet.  Blues Clues if you're looking for a mystery movie.  And Word World if you're interested in comedy.

And no matter how many times we fly and how much stuff I bring Jordan usually only requires either a DVD and some gold fish or she just falls asleep on one of us and I'm left wondering who is going to eat all the snacks I've brought.

Onto our trip:  we spent a week in NC w/Bubby, Pop-Pop, Aunt Christy & Max.  It was the best week!  Jordan and Max can not get enough of each other and spend a good part of the day hugging one another.  Jordan thinks Max is the funniest guy on the planet and I found out that Max thinks the word 'penis' is the funniest thing he's ever heard in his entire life!  I can out of the blue look at him and say "Hey Max.......penis" and he literally falls to the ground in a fit of laughter.  I was going to try a few other body parts to see if I'd get the same reaction but I knew that would get me 'the look' from my sister which is the exact 'look' my mom used to give me when I was in trouble so I opted to stick w/'penis'.

While we were in NC Jordan decided she was missing too much Max time by napping so on Thursday she decided to nap for 20 minutes and then stay up until 8pm.  I was on alert all day waiting for the tired meltdown which never came.  She could not have been happier or funnier than that day.  

Jordan has said her first sentence!!  It's the only one but I love it.  She says, "I DID IT" when she opens something or lifts something heavy or unsticks something.  It is so super cool to hear her put those three words together.  

She now sits down w/her books and pretends to read.  I watch her pointing to the letters and saying them out loud.  Of course every letter is either 'A' or 'E' but it's a start.  

I am constantly quizzing her on the names of everyone in our lives.  The computer has a continuos slideshow of family/friends pictures.  She stumped me on a name the other day until I realized she was saying her own name which to her sounds like 'Jordan' but when she's saying it, it comes out as 'Jo-Jo'!!  How friggin cute is that?

'Jo-Jo' locked Mima out of the house the other day!  It was really funny.  Somehow overnight Jordan is now able to reach the door knobs but she can't turn them to open the door.  However, she can turn the lock inside the door knob on the door leading out to the garage which is what happened the other day.  Mima went out to get something from her car, Jordan went over to the door and locked it and then came back to play w/me and a few minutes later we hear this angry banging at the door.  When I open the door to let Mima in she is totally accusing me of locking her out on purpose and how "it's really not that funny" as I'm cracking up trying to explain that it wasn't me who did it.  And that's when I realized I am so screwed in my life from here on out b/c even before Jordan entered our world I was always in trouble for one thing or another when it came to Mima.  Now, I'm totally fried, cooked, toast.  Because from here on out anything Jordan does to Mima I'm the one who's going to take the fall.  Maybe we really should get a dog so I can just sleep in the dog house b/c that's where I seem to be 90% of the time!!

A Birthday Party Thank You To Jake!

Jordan would like to take this opportunity to thank Jake for hosting one amazing birthday party!  She would also like to thank Jake's mommy for convincing Toys-R-Us to house their overstocked toys in her living room, her dining room, her kitchen, her deck, her hallway, her garage and her backyard.  And we can't forget to thank Jake's mommy for supplying the coolest, most fun, most tiring blow up obstacle course out there!  This provided hours upon hours of endless giggles, laughs and 'rug' burns on each person who experienced the obstacle course!!!  Jakes' Mommy swears she's not going to host another at home b.day party next year and she's probably right b/c I doubt they'll bring the water park she's going to rent out to her backyard so it looks like we'll be moving the party elsewhere!

Happy 3rd birthday Jake!  Jordan loves you like crazy!

Discovering The Boogy

We have a new discovery in THE LAND OF JORDAN...the inside of our nose.  I don't know if there was a kid meeting to discuss this discovery or if a kid memo was distributed w/out my knowledge explaining the benefits of nose picking but somehow Jordan has now zoned in on the inside of her nose via her finger!  Lovely.

My discovery of her discovery happened while we were driving.  I looked back to find a very content child w/her finger up her nose and this look on her face that said, "Why didn't I figure this out sooner?  This is wonderful!"

So of course I try telling her not to put her finger up her nose, followed by silly reasons why her finger should not be up her nose, followed by starting the discussion all over again b/c her finger is back up her nose.  

And it gets better, oh yes, it gets better.  I look back again and now Jordan is examining w/such intense interest a boogy on her finger.  Oh God, you know what comes next right?  All while I'm driving.....!

So I am once again telling Jordan to stop picking her nose and to give the boogy to me (is there an actual real term for 'boogy'?) and as I look back again I see her finger heading towards her mouth.......................and that's when I let out this absolute panicked "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" out of my mouth as if time had slowed to a serious crawl and everything was happening in slow motion.  Of course I was too late.  The boogy found residence in my child's mouth.

Glad I could share the boogy saga w/each of you!

Jordan's First Posted Blog 9/10/08

The first of many, I'm sure, blog updates for each of you pertaining to THE LAND OF JORDAN.

Please forgive the non-funny first post, I'm just getting familiar w/this whole blog thing and trying to make THE LAND OF JORDAN a sweet looking page.                                                                                                                                                      

So, here it goes:

Today was spent at Turtleback Zoo w/two of Jordan's little buddies:  Chase & Kylie.  The 3 of them had more fun eating each other's snacks then looking at the animals.

Jordan's new thing is saying, "ME" when she really means to say, "YOU"!  We will toss a ball back and forth to each other, first Jordan then me then Jordan again and she knows the next toss is to me and she says, "ME" all the while meaning, "YOU".  I'm not sure how to correct this one, I'm just going to let time take care of it.

Jordan is now 21 months and I swear super gifted!  Although I'm quite sure all first time moms believe their child is super gifted, I mean really, what the heck do we have to compare it to?  So to me, Jordan is super gifted!

She learns a new word just about each day and likes to use them over and over again.  Of course the favorites are always:  "UH-OH", "UP", "OUCH", "KISS", "EAT", "WAH-WAH" (for water), "CAT" followed by "MEOW", "DOG" followed by "ARF ARF", "MILK", "POOH" (for Winnie The Pooh), "TIGGY" (for Tigger), and my personal favorite:  "SCHMUTZ" (pertaining to any and all things found on the floor).

We are working out Jordan's fall schedule and I have to say, she is one incredibly busy child:  Little Gym on Mondays, art class on Tuesdays, playgroup on Wednesdays, Parent/Toddler class on Thursdays and either a music class or soccer on Fridays!  And she's not even 2!