Life According To A 3 Year Old......

The Land of Jordan celebrated turning 3 recently! In fact, we are still celebrating. For all of you out there who share a December birthday.....holy month of presents! And look out if you come from a family who shares Hannukah & Xmas! Present overload!!!! And as if that's not enough, Jordan can't seem to wrap her head around why folks have taken down their Xmas lights when there's still snow on the ground: "but Mom, it's still Xmas cause that's why there's snow on the ground"....

We had our first (and hopefully last) visit to the ER in the month of December. To make a long story somewhat short, Jordan had a high fever and Mommy freaked cause Jordan was shaking uncontrollably and Mima was 2 hours away, so a 911 call took place and many uniformed individuals showed up at our house. We were driven to the hospital in an ambulance and the uniformed guy riding in the back w/us told the driver there was no need for the sirens/lights...that is until I insisted there was a major need for sirens/lights cause how often do I get to ride in an ambulance and blow past traffic? I mean come on, really? Give up a chance for sirens/lights? So we got the full on ambulance experience! (had Jordan not been lying on top of me during the ride I might have asked if I could drive the ambulance!!)

I am beginning to realize that Jordan is paying close attention to what is being said even when I think she's not paying attention. Case and point: Jo-Jo and I went to order Chinese food. We always share sweet & sour chicken together. I take one of those menus w/9,012 different Chinese items to choose from, grab a golf pencil being held in place by a plastic container filled w/rice, circle my sweet & sour chicken and we patiently wait for our food. Woman calls out my order when it's ready, "SWEET & SOUR PORK!" I go up to the counter (Jordan is off to the side playing w/something) and I explain quietly there's no way I ordered pork, I don't even really like pork. And then she shows me my menu where I circled sweet & sour pork.........UGH! So rather than wait for the correct food item to be prepared I decide I can pull this one off on Jordan. I pay for my pork (yuck) and we leave. As we're heading for the car little miss big ears says, "Mom, is that pork?" And in my head I'm going, "Are you kidding me? She heard all that? What the heck?" So I tell her it's chicken and it's gonna be so good when we get home. Well little miss big ears proceeds to GRILL ME the ENTIRE way home about what's in the bag!! "Mom, is it really chicken? I don't like pork. Is it pork? Did that lady say pork? Mom, is it really chicken? What's that smell Mom? It smells different." Now I'm freaking out internally cause she's just about past the hunger feed time window and I'm reaching my hunger feed time window and if this pork can't pass as chicken I'm screwed! So we get home, I talk up the 'chicken' and how it's gonna be so good and so much fun eating it together (mind you it smells TOTALLY different than when we get the chicken) and I plate the whole thing w/rice and she skeptically takes a fork full....sweat is dripping down my face......my mind is racing as to what the heck I'm gonna make for her if this doesn't go over well.....and then she says, "Yummy Mommy!! This is the best chicken I ever ate!!!" SCORE!!!!!!!!

Took Jordan (and her 2 cousins) ice skating a few weeks ago. I was so excited to do this w/her!! What a lame brain idea that was. Sounds great in theory...that is if you're child actually doesn't mind wearing 17 layers of clothing and being placed in a shoe w/a razor blade on the bottom. But I managed to get her out on the ice and of course she loved that part of it b/c what could be so bad about being held up by your arms by your Mom while she pushes you around and you're just hanging out as if you're in a parade and everyone is there to watch you? Twice around and I honestly thought I would never stand up straight again, my back was killing me!!!! Of course twice around was enough for Jo-Jo who then wanted off the ice immediately and out of the razor blade shoes only to venture out in search of "schnacks"....(snacks). The folks who built the ice rink: brilliant, gifted people. Why you ask? Because who else thinks to put an arcade/ski ball/air hockey room in an ice rink facility? Genius! So after paying nearly $60 to get us all in, spending MAYBE 30 minutes on the ice, paying another $25 for lunch.....I then find myself buying friggin tokens for the kids to play ski ball! Jordan will not be ice skating any time in the near future!

A few funny moments in The Land of Jordan:

- We had the baby sitter here Saturday for Jo-Jo b/c we were going out. Jordan asked, "Where are you going Mommy?" so I told her we're going to cousin Nancy's house and Jordan then asked, "Are you going to have a play date there?"

- Had the TV on the other day, women's basketball game was on, Jordan and I are working on a puzzle and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial comes on which IMMEDIATELY catches Jordan's attention. The commercial ends w/a picture of a Reece's PB cup and Jordan says, "WOW WOW WOW WOW Mommy, that looks totally yummy!"

- Jordan informed me the other day that when she gets bigger and goes to the bigger kids school that I can go there too b/c I'll be bigger too, but, there won't be any treadmills there. (basically this means Jordan thinks all stay-at-home moms spend all their time on treadmills while the kids are in school)

- We seem to have a bit of curiousness about Heaven. It first started w/me talking about my cat Marco who died way before Jordan was born. She likes to hear all about Marco and wants to know "why Marco died out". And now we're discussing Heaven b/c my Dad died. So Jordan says, "Mom, Poppi and Marco are in the clouds?" and I tell her they are up there in the clouds in Heaven and she says, "Are they on an airplane?"

A few Mommy observations:

- You know you're spending too much time at one particular place when you're child yells out from the back seat of the car: "There's Target!"

- You know you're so super screwed when the usual bribe of "there will be no Olivia (her favorite show) if you don't....." is met w/your 3 year old not being phased in the least by the bribe! This has happened at least 4 times so far and each time I'm stumped, freaked, clueless and dumbfounded! She outsmarted me! She doesn't care if she misses Olivia!

- You know your child has a future w/the transportation authority when you are asked every single day in the car, "How you get down there Mommy?" and Mommy goes into the "you have to take the exit ramp" discussion.

- You know you're a total geek and total Mom when you realize you're rockin out in the car w/your child to Beyonce's "All The Single Ladies" performed by Alvin & The Chipmunks!

That would be all for now from The Land of Jordan. Stay tuned for Jordan's next update when she returns from her trip to Mexico! (Jordan decided she did not have to clear it w/her 2 mommies before inviting her teacher Linda to Mexico w/us. Oh and that same teacher got an invite via Jo-Jo to come over and play Disney Bingo at our house!)

Stay warm....stay safe!