The Land of Men?????

We here who live in The Land of Jordan would like to send out a quick update to all of you. The Land of Jordan has shifted a bit. The child who lives w/two mommies & spends majority of her time surrounded by a posse of lesbian women, well this child is now experiencing her first real 'MAN CRUSH'........OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

Enter "Mr. Tim", Jo-Jo's gymnastics teacher. Mr. Tim seems to rock Jordan's world! Mr. Tim is quite aware of the 'man power' he has over our little Jo-Jo. Mr. Tim speaks, she listens. Mr. Tim moves to another area of the room, she follows. Mr. Tim gives a command and the child who is famous for pretending she never hears MY commands suddenly grows gigantic listening ears which only allow Mr. Tim's voice to penetrate thru them, and the command is followed.

It's the oddest thing to sit back and watch your nearly 3 year old child be crushed out on someone. Jordan gets these big loving eyes when she's around him. She smiles uncontrollably. She is constantly making sure he's watching her and she totally wants his approval for her attempts at the forward roll!

Granted Mr. Tim is quite cute but he's no Penelope Cruz!

.....It appears, for now, our daughter is taking the 'straight' road. I think I'm okay w/it. I'm going to seek out a support group for lesbian moms w/straight kids so when the time comes for Jordan to confide in us that she is in fact straight.......we will know the right things to say to her. (kidding)

Do you think it's more intimidating for a teenage boy to come to the home of the girl he's interested in where a mom and dad reside or 2 moms and a posse answer the door? I think I'm onto something here....I feel a reality show in the making happening right now in my head! Stay tuned!!!!

On a completely different note: Jordan would like to know why there is a bug on her cousin's belly and why the bug is making her cousin feel sick. (Christianna has a 'stomach bug' today and is home sick). Try explaining that one to a nearly 3 year old!

That's all from the Land of Jordan for now.......

A Day In The Life of Jo-Jo

Anybody up for a little trip? Let's climb aboard and visit The Land of Jordan. This journey will give you complete access to the daily conversations I have w/Jordan. Shall we begin? A play-by-play of our day?

Mornings:

- 1st question upon waking: "Where Chase?" "Chasey sleeping too?" And no matter what my answer might be to these questions she always follows it up w/the ever-so-annoying "Why?"

- 2nd question: "You want to play w/me Mommy?" I mean that's just a silly question seeing how I'm always looking for someone to play w/me!!! What a perfect pair we make! I'm currently teaching Jordan how to return my ping pong serve!!!

- 3rd question: "Where we going?" Which I guess is to be expected seeing how I never ever stay home and we are always out and about doing something someplace somewhere.

Next we move onto discussing the animals of the world:

- 4th question: "Mommy, did you see that 'chipmonkey'?

- new observation: "Mommy, look at the 'chipmonkey', he left 'foot-A-prints'! It's as if I'm having a conversation w/a tiny Italian woman, "foot-A-prints".....very funny!!!

Now we enter the silly phase of the day:

- while staring at a picture of Hannah Montana, Jordan sneezes and says, "Mommy! I bless you'd on Hannah 'Nantana'...!"

- "I OKAY MOMMY" comes from a room nowhere near where I am in the house after a tremendous 'THUD' was heard.

- upon discovering something new: "What that all about Mommy?"

- after attempting to lasso Nina the cat w/the hula hoop: "Nina not very nice."

- realizing I have said something Jordan totally does not understand: "What you say Mommy?" which is the new version of "WHY" cause now I find myself explaining what I originally said in a totally different way only to be followed up w/the: "What you say now Mommy?"........

The car continues to be a fun and interesting place:

- we are constantly playing "I SPY" together, however Jordan's version of this is: "I spy MY little eye......"and then she chooses something so silly cute for me to find in the world. And God forbid I go out of turn...."No Mommy, it's my turn now."

- demanding to have and hold the navigation system b/c, well, she said to me: "I have to check my e-mail Mommy" and once she was finished checking her 'e-mail' she handed it back to me and insisted I check my e-mail too.

Nosey body:

- "Who that?" after I get off the phone.

New favorite food:

- coffee ice cream seems to be the new favorite ice cream flavor! And look out if she eats too much too fast........."Ouch Mommy.....'BURN FREEZE'........." (for brain freeze in case you didn't speak Jo-Jo)

- "I want that" as she's scoffing down my caesar salad.

Becoming incredibly aware of her sense of smell:

- "What that stinky smell?" when she passes gas!! How does she think we feel???

Those are just a few of the funny and interesting things we hear on a daily basis. The conversations are endless. From the minute she wakes up until she is passing out in her crib at night, Jordan talks non-stop!!! She even continues talking once we put her down for the night and sometimes those are the funniest things to hear thru the monitor.

One particular night we had gone to dinner w/Chase and the two of them wound up fighting about something. They are both so stubborn. She antagonized him and he pushed her. Long story short: she cried and he was told to apologize to her. Of course they were best buds w/in 3 seconds after the fight. But that night when she went to bed I heard her over the monitor: "Chase, it's not nice to hit. We don't hit Chase. Say you're sorry." and then she'd pretend to be Chase and I'd hear, "SORRY" in this silly voice. And she had this same conversation for nearly 30 minutes, "Chase, it's not nice to hit. We don't hit Chase. Say you're sorry."......"SORRY".......

Hope you enjoyed your journey today.

The Land of Jordan would like to thank everyone who donated and helped me reach my fund raising goal for The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. The 39.2 mile walk is in 10 days.......I hope to make each of you super proud of me. But mostly I hope to be a part of stopping this horrific disease.

Until next time..............enjoy the change of season!!!

"Why Mommy?"

Welcome back to The Land of Jordan. Currently we are going by a whole new name: The Land of 'Why Mommy'?

Everything discussed in this land is immediately followed up w/one question: "Why Mommy?" And if we are really in a hurry we just get the "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"

It's so interesting to hear yourself answering the 'why' questions. Of course you know as you're nearing the end of your discussions w/your child you will be met w/the 'why' question so you attempt to prepare a 'why' answer even before you have finished the discussion. "Why Mommy?" And Mommy goes into some really rational detailed explanation as to why we call them seagulls and not eagles. "Why Mommy?" So Mommy tries a different angle explaining in more simple terms why there is not a baby in Chase's belly. "Why Mommy?" And Mommy feels her patience slipping away as she's attempting to quickly explain why we don't eat pine cones. "Why Mommy?" Now Mommy has been pushed over the 'why' cliff and realizes there is no rational, simple answer to any or all of these questions, nor will the 'why' questions ever go away until you freak out on your child and you hear yourself screaming EXACTLY what your parents screamed at you: "BECAUSE I SAID SO!" For some odd, strange, yet to be explained reason, the 'because I said so' answer seems to halt the 'why' questions. And all is good in the world until the next discussion starts which usually happens 30 seconds after your freak out moment.

Here's a list of a few things happening in Jordan's life:

- Jordan had camp for the first time this summer. Camp is really pre-school in a bathing suit.

- We have managed to get rid of the car paci! We accompanied Jo-Jo to the garbage can as she was encouraged to toss the ripped paci out.

- If you see a child hugging a tree in a neighborhood near you it's probably Jordan. Yep, she's a tree hugger. She can not pass up a tree w/out wrapping her body around it. What is that all about?

- If you happen to be at the Montville Park and smell something not so great, no worries. It's Jordan's diaper full of poop! This child poops every single time we go to that park. For real, not kidding, every single time we are there she poops. It's the 'Poop Park'. And I'm convinced the ice cream man waits for Jordan to poop, watches me take her to the back of our car, remove her shorts, begin the process of de-pooping and only then does he turns on that ice cream music which must be laced w/acid or some mind tripping drug b/c every kid is now losing their mind (including mine who has yet to get a new diaper on and is trying to get out of the car w/out clothes on) as he's pulling up to the curb.

- Have you ever noticed what happens to a group of 2 year olds when one of the moms opens a snack for their child? They become seagulls! It's as if they have supersonic listening skills and they hear the 'rip' of a Cheese-It bag from miles away and they all come running and start circling the mom who opened the snack. Of course it's even funnier when you give one kid a bag of snacks and all the other kids are circling the kid w/the snacks. The snack kid can't hand the snacks out fast enough to the 'seagulls' and by the time the snack kid does get to hand the snacks out the 'seagulls' are ready for more which means the snack kid never actually gets to eat any of the snacks b/c the snack kid is too busy being polite knowing that if the snack kid is not polite and does not share, the bag will be immediately ripped from the snack kid's hands by some polite policing mom!

- I had my first dance lesson from Jordan. We were rockin out in the kitchen just being silly and dancing to some booty shaking song when Jordan turns to me and says, "No Mommy. You got to put your knees together like this." So I put my knees together and ask, "Like this Jo-Jo?" And she says, "Yeah Mommy, now shake your booty" as she's doing her best booty shakin move so I join in and give it my best booty shakin move and I hear, "Oh good job Mommy!!!"

- Malu and I witnessed Jordan & Chase french kissing a few weeks ago. Needless to say we were a bit speechless and freaked out. Of course in a perfect world our reaction would have been a calm, "Okay you two, we don't do that, please stop" or something along those lines. But in our world, the reality world, our reaction was total silence at first and then, "OH MY GOD!" "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?" "STOP DOING THAT!!!!!" And you know what happened next right? "Why Mommy?"

- Jordan told me and Mima the other day, "The moon has 2 mommies." How cute is that?

- Jordan is convinced she has a little sister. Her name is Nina. So now our cat has become the little sister.

- We were driving somewhere a few days ago and Jordan asked me if she could have something to which I replied no (for whatever reason) so she started to ask Mima the same question and I said, "Jo-Jo I already told you can't have that" and then Jordan said to me, "I talking to Mima Mommy......." which really meant, "Don't care what you said Mommy b/c I have a work around plan for this."

- Finally had Jo-Jo officially weighed at the pediatrician's office. Our little girl is 22.8 pounds. Lauren, the mom of Jo-Jo's friend likes to describe Jordan as "air" or "like you're lifting a piece of popcorn" which I think is super funny and quite true.

- "I do myself" seems to be heard quite a bit in our house. I'm hoping tomorrow night when it's bath time Jordan gives me the "I do myself" line.

- Mommy jumped out of a plane a few weeks ago (sky diving w/Goobie & Jenn) and Jordan can't seem to figure out why I would jump out of a small plane and not a big plane...? This is one of the 'why' conversations we have nearly everyday. She also wants to know, "Mommy? You got a boo-boo when you jump out of plane?" and doesn't seem satisfied that I did not get a boo-boo from the jump. "Why Mommy? Why did you not get boo-boo?" I think she wants me to have a boo-boo.......

Wrapping it up from The Land of Jordan. Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Liberty and the Pursuit of Refreshments

Today 'The Land of Jordan' went to Madison Square Garden for The NY Liberty's opening day game.  Jordan has been to 3 other NY Liberty games but of course those happened in past seasons and she was obviously much younger and we'd have to leave by halftime if not sooner.  Now that Jordan is somewhat 'older' she can grasp a few things we throw at her, like:  "We're going to Amy's (it's Amy's b/c our friend Amy works for the Liberty therefore in my mind and I guess Jordan's too she has acquired an entire WNBA team) Liberty basketball game today" which is followed by her usual round of questions:  "Jakey Bilotti go too?  And Chasey too?"  So after explaining that yes Jakey will be there, but Chasey won't be there, we are cleared to head into NY.

Of course once you exit the Lincoln Tunnel the world becomes a different place.  There are people everywhere, walking, running, biking, driving, honking ("Mommy, why beeping?" "Because that person is driving like they're still in NJ honey and this is NY.").  It's funny watching and hearing what your child observes, that is until your child observes the man on the corner selling pretzels and your child starts flipping out in the car demanding a pretzel and your child won't/can't listen to reason b/c the pretzel man is right there on the corner practically dangling the pretzel in front of your child as you are stopped at a traffic light and can't move!  Wait until she discovers the guy who sells roasted nuts!  

Into The Garden we go.  Jordan is pretty excited.  She enjoys the escalator ride up.  She enjoys seeing all the people.  She claps when we get to our seats and she seems very in awe of the entire arena.  Jordan's man Jake arrives and suddenly the world is such a better place for the two of them.  They were VERY cute sitting next to each other watching what was happening on the court.  And they seemed to be very into eating their Madison Square Garden pizza until.........nope, not the pretzel guy...........this time it's the man carrying the never ending supply of Liberty Dr. Seuss looking hats w/bags of cotton candy attached to them on this really long white pole that you can see coming from any part of the HUGE arena.  As if that's not enough to get a kids attention, now, instead of walking up and down the aisles screaming, "COTTON CANDY HERE", they must have had a meeting on how to entice more kids and are now walking up and down the aisles screaming, "CANDY HERE, CANDY HERE!!!!!"  Are you kidding?  I mean come on!  What kid is not going to want to attack that guy?  And what kid is not going to bug the heck out of their parents for that CANDY?  Sure enough Jake and Jordan stopped eating lunch and started flipping out for that CANDY.  

We (the parents) stood strong for a good amount of time but at some point you lose your mind and start throwing ridiculous, just as bad diversions at the kids:  "Who wants ice cream?"  So back to the concession stand, again.  Two small cups which contained very large amounts of dripping ice cream covered in sprinkles which for some reason wound up sitting on my lap and both kids (one on each side of me) begin scooping/shoveling said ice cream.  Not a good situation.

And here comes that annoying hat/cotton candy dude again, "CANDY HERE, CANDY HERE!!!!"  Suddenly the ice cream isn't all that.  

Next on the list:  popcorn.  Yes, yes I know.  Choking hazard.  Yeah, well so is that really long white pole the cotton candy guy is holding which I wanted to shove down his throat to make him stop yelling about CANDY!

So yes, popcorn came next.  And that held a level of happiness for quite some time. 

At this point we are nearing the end of the 3rd quarter which I think is awesome b/c like I said, last year we never made it past halftime.  

Just as the kids are beginning to melt the camera dude shows up!  So I lift Jordan up above me and tell her to watch the big TV (the jumbo-tron or whatever that huge thing is called) and I start wiggling her and getting her to dance.  She's glued to the big TV and suddenly she sees herself up there and she gets this HUGE smile on her face and I can hear all these people around me start cracking up b/c seriously, could she be any cuter?  And Jake was up on the TV too.  Soooooo cute.  And when it's all said and done Jordan turns around to me and says, "More Mommy, more!!!"  As if I control who & what goes up on the TV at The Garden.

So we leave our first Liberty game of the season and head back to Jersey.  Our car ride home was filled w/Jordan's endless (not kidding) babbling about "Amy's LibERY" (not LiberTy, LibERY)  "Mommy, you climb up steps, and you see Amy's LibERY?"  "And Mommy, I climb up steps by myself and I see Amy's LibERY too?"  "Ohhhh look!!!!  It's Amy's LibERY!!!!"  (a painting on the side of a building)  "Ohhhh look!!!!  It's more Amy's LibERY!!!!!"  (a truck which had the Statue of Liberty on it)  "Mommy I want more Amy's LibERY!!!!"  How cool is that?  My child likes women's basketball!!!  Either that or she just likes all the crap we fed her tonight and just assumes she'll get that each time we go to see "Amy's LibERY".  

And onto other non-basketball things.

Here are a few things we've been experiencing in The Land of Jordan:

 - Jordan wakes up one morning, first thing she says to me is:  "Mommy, Jakey has a peanut" which of course was really:  "Mommy, Jakey has a penis".  Interesting first conversation to start our day off.

 - Teachers at Jordan's school have been telling me how the boys love Jordan.  And how she will wind up w/a different boy each class just sitting and talking until the one day the teachers had to intervene when Jordan and I believe it was Justin were pulling their shirts up showing each other...............belly buttons...........?

 - "Who that boy?"  "Who that girl?"  If we see someone we don't know.

 - "My Mommy" as she's hugging my leg making it known to all that I am in fact her mommy and don't think you're getting a piece of me.

 - We have moved away from the fake smile when she knows I'm annoyed or stressed out at her.  Now we go with:  "Mommy, you happy?" which of course is an awesome thing for a kid to say when you're about to lose it b/c it never fails to make me smile and in fact make me happy.

 - We are still convinced that every single airplane in the sky has Bubby & Pop-Pop on it.  

 - Sadly Jordan has given up her obsession w/the show WORD WORLD.  I feel a void in my life and continue to DVR the show b/c I'm in complete denial.  I love that show.  We are now intrigued/fascinated/obsessed with:  GO DIEGO GO.  

 - I might have ruined my child by insisting we spend as little time as possible at home just b/c I can't sit still.  Jordan tells me at least 4 times a day as we're driving towards home, "No home Mommy, no home!!!"  

That's all from The Land of Jordan, for now!!!  Hope everyone is starting off their summer in a good way.

The Land of Bossy

Christina once gave me a book titled "How to Outwit Squirrels" which I read from cover to cover b/c I was determined to stop the squirrels from getting into our bird feeders.  In the end, I was the one who was outwitted and the squirrels won.  I find myself once again being outwitted but this time it's by Jordan and I can't for the life of me find the "How to Outwit Your Two Year Old" book!!!

Jordan seems to have graduated with honors from the 'Torture Your Mother' school.  My Mom told me Jordan is a little mini version of me which was not so great to hear b/c I put my parents thru hell!

This sweet little quiet child has turned into a demanding bossy impatient loud mouth!!  And she knows when she has pushed my buttons and when I'm at the point of losing my mind.  How does she know this you ask?  This daughter of mine will give you the most FAKE smile she can muster up right at the moment you are about to flip your lid and it's hilarious!  I try very, very hard not to laugh but there are times when it just catches me off guard and I bust out laughing b/c she has totally played me and I am totally defeated and SHE IS TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Just this week she has decided to add a fake hug into the mix along w/the fake smile.  Where does she come up w/this stuff?

And b/c of this new area of the 2's that we are currently visiting I have been forced to take on a few part time jobs.  For example:

 - SHORT ORDER COOK:  "I want 'sumpin' else" when the meal option is just not that appealing any longer.

 - JULIE, CRUISE SHIP DIRECTOR:  "Where we going" is the question each and every morning, which basically means "How are you going to entertain me today?"

 - ADMIN. ASSISTANT:  "I want to call Bubby & Pop-Pop.  Mommy, you call Bubby?"

 - DJ:  "I no like this song Mommy.  I want new song."

 - WENCH:  "Mommy you follow me!"

 - EVENT PLANNER:  "Mommy we have tea party now?"

Jordan's new thing is "I help you Mommy."  No matter what it is I am doing I get the "I help you Mommy."  So this week have had help making the coffee(I think we put 1/2 the bag into one pot), sweeping the floors(of course the wet Cheerios got mushed into the floors as the sweeping was happening), loading the laundry into the machines(I had to convince Jordan that Nina the cat was really not interested in going into the washer machine), dragging the garbage cans back down the driveway after garbage day but this was quickly followed up with:  "Too heavy Mommy.  That too heavy.  You do."  Funny thing is, when I let Jordan know it's time to put her toys away she decides helping just isn't all that interesting.  So she is selectively helping me.  Once again, played by the two year old!

Onto other things...........................

I took Jordan to her first ever movie!!!!!!  We went to go see Disney's "EARTH" and what a cool time we had.  Of course her boyfriend Chase was there too.  It was like Jordan and Chase were on their first date but their mommies were there w/them.  I'm not sure what was more exciting to them:  the movie or the bag of popcorn they devoured.  But what was really funny was this:  I sit Jordan in her own seat and b/c she weighs next to nothing the seat just snapped back up so all you could see was her head and her feet b/c she was sandwiched in that seat!!!  I had to sit w/my hand on her chair for the entire time we were there.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there!  Hope you enjoy your day.