The Fascination Of Poop

Why do kids find poop to be so interesting?  Is it b/c they witness their parents scrunching up their noses while changing a poopy diaper?  Does that make them interested?  Or is it b/c on occasion we parents have been known to let out a rather loud, "WOAH, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!" which could peak the interest of a child? 

Can't quite be sure what the reason is but Jordan is not only living in The Land of Jordan, she also resides in the Poop is Fascinating World.  Each time our child poops and we change the poopy diaper Jordan says, "See poop, see poop!"  And of course we (or at least I do this) show her the poop in her diaper.  Sometimes she continues the poop conversation and says, "big poop Mommy" to which I reply, "yes honey, that is a big poop, good job!"  And why is it I reward my child w/poopy praise?  I don't praise her each time she pees.  Yet I find myself telling her how proud I am that she pooped and we high five each other.  What is that all about?  Nobody high fives me when I poop.

And that brings me to the next poopy paragraph.  Jordan's interest in poop doesn't stop w/just her poop.  Nope, she's now showing intense interest in MY poop!  Now, for those of you who know me, really know me, you know that I have what we like to refer to as 'bashful bowels' which basically means:  I can't and won't poop in front of anyone, if anyone is remotely close to the bathroom I can't and won't poop and I won't poop in public places.  Yes, yes, yes, I know I have issues but this isn't about me.  

Of course having a child really changes things in your life, or at least in my life.  Pooping is one of those changes.  I have no issues pooping in front of Jordan.  And she has no issues following me into the bathroom to watch me poop.  Now this is where it gets bit weird........she now wants to see MY poop.  "See poop Mommy!"  And there we are, having a moment, looking at my poop!!  Nobody high fives me during this moment, it's a bit of a let down.

I have shared way too much during this blog...........onto other things!

Counting.  How is it that children know when a parent turns to them and says, "I'm going to count to three" that if that parent actually gets to the number three they are in big trouble?  I mean seriously, how do they know this?  I've not seen it written in any of the books or stories I read to Jordan.  I haven't heard any of the other kids telling each other, "Oh man, my mom got to the number three the other night and it was not pretty, you better not let your mom get to the number three."  Yet somehow they just know.  And did we think we'd be using this tactic on our child at the age of 2?  Well we are.  It's mostly used around the diaper change/pajama time.  Jordan loves to tell us "no diaper" when we say it's time for a diaper change and she takes off running in another direction thinking that we'll never catch her.  Same thing when it's time for pajamas.  Then Mima starts counting, "One"......."Two"......."Three" and Jordan comes running into her arms to avoid whatever consequences 'three' might hold.

Snow.  Again, for those of you who really know me you know that snow is one of my most favorite things in the world!  I love snow, wish for snow and if I wore pajamas to bed I'd wear them inside out just like every kid on the planet which pretty much guarantees snow!  So we finally got snow this year!  And a good amount of it.  I could not wait to get Jordan out there in it.  I was under the impression that if I loved snow then Jordan would love snow too.  Isn't that how this parent thing works?  Our first time out was at night.  She stood perfectly still, not sure what to make of the white fluffy stuff falling from the sky.  We lasted 10 minutes out there.  The next time was during the day and there was a lot of snow on the ground.  I was convinced this was the day she would discover how amazing snow is.  We lasted 10 minutes.  She was not overly happy about not being able to move her arms (b/c she was all bundled up) and not very happy about not being able to grasp anything b/c she can't get her tiny little thumb into the thumb section of the mittens so she can't grasp anything.  And when she fell she could not get up.  The third time was late afternoon, nearly dark out.  I took her sledding w/her cousins Andrew & Christianna.  I was sure this would seal the deal!  We lasted 20 minutes.  We went down the hill 3 times and after the third time she told me "no more".  I was so bummed but of course could not give up.  So I start throwing questions at her:  "are you hungry?", she answered no.  "Do you want to go home?", she answered no.  "Do you want to go sledding again?", she answered no.  So like any mature parent I told Jordan, "I don't think you know what you mean" and I put the two of us back on the sled and down the hill we went!!!  

The Land of Jordan has turned into The Land of Presents!  The month of December is present month in our house:  birthday, Chanukah and Christmas.

Speaking of Chanukah, we lit the candles last night for the first night of Chanukah and Jordan immediately blew them out!  So we light them again and this time I am pulling the Menorah away from Jordan who is insisting on blowing the candles out b/c isn't that we do w/candles?  For the last 3 weeks, each time we've lit a candle it's been to sing happy birthday and have her blow the candle out so she's looking at us like, "Hello?  What's w/you people?  Candles, make a wish, blow them out, get a gift!"  And here I am trying to explain to a 2 year old the difference b/een Chanukah candles and birthday candles.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

"Jo-Jo" Turns Two!!!!!!!

For those of you not in the know, 'Jo-Jo' is the name Jordan goes by these days.  It's not ever Jordan's turn, it's always "Jo-Jo's turn."  It's not ever Jordan's house, it's always "Jo-Jo's house."  It's not ever Jordan's car, it's always "Jo-Jo's car."  In fact it's all Jo-Jo's now that I think about it.  Christina and I own nothing and have nothing according to Jo-Jo b/c it's all hers!  

Jo-Jo is officially a 2 year old!!!!  So far (and I'm sure I'm going to regret putting this in writting) the two's are not so terrible.  Of course we've only been in the two's for a very short amount of time...........and I can hear everyone right now saying, "ohhhh, just you wait.....it's coming!"  But so far we are doing okay here in yet another unfamiliar stage of Jo-Jo's life.  

The area we do seem to be having major issues in would be the pediatrician visits.  For some reason Jordan is absolutely terrified of her pediatrician right now.  She seems somewhat okay w/the nurses but man, once her doctor walks into the room Jordan starts climbing up my body, crying, saying "no" over and over again, and refusing to make eye contact in hopes that this little trick will make the doctor walk out of the room b/c if eye contact is not made then there's no way the doctor sees Jordan right?  So mommy comes up w/a plan!  I had to take Jordan to the doctor this past week (she has a nasty cold) and this time I brought w/us, as a surprise to Jordan, her pretend doctor's kit!!  As we were waiting for the doctor to come into the room I pulled out the kit and Jordan seemed totally psyched about it.  We talked about how we're going to look in the doctor's ears and the doctor's eyes and we're going to listen to the doctor's chest and take the doctor's temperature too!  We seemed to be doing great at this point.  That is until time starts slipping by and we're stuck in the room waiting, and waiting and waiting for the doctor to come in.  I've always had issues w/the waiting for anything in life and now that Jordan is w/me I have even bigger issues w/the waiting b/c I don't think people in the world who do not have children understand YOU CAN NOT KEEP US LOCKED IN A SMALL ROOM FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME!!!!  Things are bound to happen.  

What things?  Well, let's just say those cute little labels on the cotton ball jar that say 'PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH, FOR STAFF ONLY'......yeah, I just turned the jar around a bit so I didn't actually see the label anymore and Jordan and I had a cotton ball throwing contest.  And the jar filled w/those tongue depressers?  Turned that jar around too!  It's sort of like Jordan's eye contact theory:  if you don't see it then it's not there, right?  We used the tongue depressers to play baseball w/the cotton balls.

And suddenly the door to our very tiny room opens, in walks the pediatrician who is greeted by me wearing the pretend stethoscope, the pretend blood pressure cuff, the pretend band aid, the pretend thermometer hanging out of my mouth, cotton balls in my ears, cotton balls on my head, tongue depressers attached to my fingers w/some rubber bands I managed to find in the drawers............and then Jordan climbing up my body, crying, saying "no" over and over again and refusing to make eye contact!

We are now entering the 3 word sentence phase!!!  It's so cool and really fun to hear Jordan put together sentences that actually make sense!  The other night we had, "Where moon go?" when the moon could not be located from any window in our house.  One of my favorites is, "Mommy sit here."  That one is very cute, boarding on bossy.  Then we have the sentences that get a bit mixed up.  Lately Jordan has decided that brushing her teeth is just not a priority so she tells us, "Teeth brush no!" thinking that's going to get her out of it.

We are still into pointing out each and every school bus we see while we're in the car, but now we are actually waving and saying, "HI BUS" to each one and then, "BYE BUS" when it passes us.  This is also applied to each and every truck we see while in the car, "HI TRUCK" and then it passes us, "BYE TRUCK".  We now look beyond the road and have discovered the: "SIGNS!!!"  Which is quickly followed up with, "MORE SIGNS!!!"  Can't leave out "FLAGS!!!" also followed up with, "MORE FLAGS!!!"  Have you ever noticed that car dealerships have the ultimate biggest flags?  Why is that?

I've mentioned in the past how Jordan is very affectionate and that has not changed a bit, if anything she's even more affectionate these days.  Her new thing is wanting to hold my hand which is awesome, but, she is not asking to hold my hand while we are walking or sitting or playing.  Nope, it's while I'm driving!  "HAND, HOLD, MOMMY!"  So instead of saying, "Jordan mommy is driving right now and I can't hold your hand b/c well you see I'm in the front seat and you're in the back seat", I don't say anything at all.  Instead I lean my entire body over towards the center console, reach my arm back in the most uncomfortable position imaginable, allow her to grab hold of my hand and we continue driving in this position until one of two things happens:  1 - my arm losses all blood circulation and falls off........or 2 - I am pulled over by the police b/c it appears as if no one is driving my car b/c I'm so sprawled over the center console.

I realize now why people decorate the outside of their houses for the holidays and it has nothing to do w/religion!  It's to make car rides at night way more fun for 2 year olds!  Jordan loves, loves, loves the holiday lights on all the homes.  The more we see the more she wants!  Sometimes I feel as if I'm on a reality show being timed to see if I can find the next house that has holiday lights up.  "More lights, more lights, more lights" is what we hear if we are passing houses which are not lit up.  Your child somehow takes over your car and you find yourself zooming thru neighborhoods searching for lit up houses and under your breath cursing out the folks who own the houses w/no lights!

And speaking of holidays - hope everyone out there has a great one!  

That's all from THE LAND OF JORDAN............

Let There Be No Doubt......Jordan is a JEW!!!!!!!!!

Today I decided to take Jordan to see Santa and to have her picture taken w/the jolly dude in the red suit.  Well that didn't quite go the way I had it planned out in my head.  Jordan took one look at this red suited, big bellied, white bearded guy and she FREAKED OUT!  She was terrified!  She was clinging to my body so tightly, arms wrapped completely around my neck, legs would have been completely wrapped around my body had it not been for those pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream I've been consuming..........

So I revert to what every mother on the planet does in a desperate time of need:  bribery!  "Jordan, he's a nice man and he's the guy who brings you presents!"  "Jordan, he has a present for you but you have to sit on his lap."  Meanwhile in her mind she's like, "Duh, I'm not falling for this b/c my mommies are the ones who bring me presents and all I have to do is go to the store w/them and not sit on some strangers lap!"  

I have scratch marks on both sides of my neck from attempting to pull her off me so I can place her onto Santa's lap.  The instant contact was made on the lap of the dude in the red suit, Jordan reached a whole new level of freak out so I immediately put a stop to the every-kid-gets-one-every-year Santa picture.  And all was good in the world once we were far enough away from the dude in the red suit.

Ahhhh Chanukah, calm, candles, latkas, 8 nights of presents, no need for dead trees in the living room, no scary red suited men.

Jordan is beginning to recognize certain places or areas when we are in the car now.  Like when we're heading towards or near our dry cleaners she starts spewing from the backseat:  "APPAPOP, APPAPOP" which sounds like 'apple pop' but really means 'LOLLIPOP' b/c the wonderful folks at our dry cleaners give Jordan a lollipop each every time we go there.  So I find myself avoiding the "APPAPOP" roads on the days we do not have to pick anything up at the dry cleaners.  She also recognizes the Y where we take our Parent/Toddler class which I've been calling 'school', so when we pull into the parking lot she starts saying "FAN" which really means 'Fran' who is Jordan's teacher.

Hanging out w/mostly heterosexual moms and their kids has had some affect on Jordan.  I wasn't aware that she was being affected by this until the two of us were shopping in Bed Bath & Beyond and Jordan started yelling at the top of her lungs, "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY"..........now that made for an interesting moment.

Jordan is madly in love w/our cat Nina.  Nina, not so much w/Jordan.  I bought 'snacks' for Nina and put them in 'the snack' cabinet which is full of Jordan's snacks and Jordan can go in there at any time and pull out what she wants.  These days it seems she is only interested in Nina's snacks, not to eat, but to insist that we feed these snacks to Nina a minimum of 7 times a day.  Jordan, using her 2 word sentences will come up to me w/the Nina snacks in her hand and say, "NINA EAT" so we go upstairs to where Nina is sleeping (and pretty much living during Jordan's awake hours) and we feed her a few snacks.  I'm thinking this might work out for Jordan, Nina will most likely start associating good snacks w/Jordan and then start to love Jordan.......that is until Nina came downstairs after a full day of "NINA EAT" and Nina proceeded to puke at my feet.  

Speaking of 2 word sentences..........they are awesome and they are amazing!  Most of Jordan's 2 word sentences start w/"MOMMY" but I am soooooooo good w/that!  In fact I'm in love w/it!  "MOMMY COME."  "MOMMY MORE."  "MOMMY TENT." (meaning come and play in the tent w/me)

That's it from the Land Of Jordan for now, hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!

Daylight Savings = Insanity!

I'm sure majority of you out there are enjoying the extra hour of sleep due to daylight savings.  That's just great, swell, lovely, wonderful (dripping w/sarcasm) and really frustrating to those of us living in the Brooks/Minardi household.  I am hereby demanding to speak to whomever is in charge of this daylight savings thing.  I would like to do away w/it.  We have gained NOTHING in this savings, NOTHING!  If anything we have LOST an hour of sleep.  LOST!  Who looses an hours sleep when you turn the clocks back?  Jordan.  That's who.  She is so thrown off by this and now we are so thrown off by this.  What's going to happen when Spring comes and we have to turn the clocks ahead an hour?  Oh good God, we're doomed.  That's it, I'm revolting.  I refuse to turn my clocks in any direction, we are staying on the old time - who's with me?  

We made it thru our 2nd Jordan Halloween w/only a slight sugar buzz.  Jordan was invited to a funky cool Halloween party where cupcakes and cookies covered in orange icing were readily available to the kids and they quickly figured out that each of them could reach up and grab whatever they wanted from the table of orange icing.  No words were spoken.  They all just somehow knew the table of orange icing was there in the other room waiting to be taken over by 25 little arms reaching up and randomly pulling down some sugar filled treat.  Every single child at the party had orange icing mushed across their face, in their noses, hair, fingernails and yes of course all over their costumes.  And this was all BEFORE we went out to trick-or-treat.

Trick-or-treating was pretty fun this year.  Fun to watch your child be pushed up to some strangers door, forced to knock or ring the bell, forced to stand there waiting for the unknown to happen, promises of candy delivered by the stranger behind the door.......only thing is nobody was home at that house.  Hmmmm, okay.  Due-over!  Anyway, totally cool to see Jordan up on someone's porch giving her candy.  Jordan was mesmerized by the whole process and couldn't quite understand that after you got the candy you said thank you and walked away.  She just stood at each person's door and didn't move.  Very cute.  After about 5 doors of receiving candy she told me she was "all done" so we packed up and went home.  And that's actually where I think she had the best time b/c when our doorbell would ring she would go running to the door all kinds of excited and was so happy to be giving out candy to all these people dressed up in silly costumes.  She enjoyed this so much that she nearly gave away our entire candy bowl to the first 2 kids who came to our door!

Speaking of "all done"..........Jordan and her cousin Max had a fun filled trip to Build-A-Bear a few weeks ago.  They each chose to stuff a dog instead of a bear.  By the time Max was done his dog was decked out in a Batman outfit.  By the time Jordan was done (more like by the time I was done) her dog was decked out in a WNBA outfit!  What?  Jordan actually chose this outfit

after I pulled it down from the shelf, showed it to her, hid all the other outfits in the store and told her this was the coolest outfit I'd ever seen and didn't she think it would look amazing on her dog?  So we go to the finishing area where you create your birth certificate for their newly stuffed/built dogs and you get to give them a name.  Max's dog was given the obvious name:  Batdog.  Jordan's turn.  So mommy says, "Jordan, what would you like to name your dog?"  To which Jordan replies, "All done."  And that's the name I put on her dog's birth certificate.  

A few little awesome tidbits about Jordan:  she can count to 10, she can pick out the letters P, O & N from the alphabet, she is putting 2 & 3 words together to form her sentences, she's bossy (and getting bossier), she is 23 months old today which means we are exactly ONE MONTH from her 2nd birthday, she likes pumpkin pie (discovered this last night), she imitates nearly everything I do or say.

That's all for now from The Land of Jordan..........

Approaching The "Two"

The Land of Jordan is quickly approaching the 2 year mark.  I don't know about anyone else but I'm completely blown away by this.  Wasn't it just last week I was breast feeding?  Wasn't it just last week Jordan was up every hour of every day having her mommies walking the planet in a zombie state of mind?  Wasn't it just last week we went from a couple to a party of 3?  Wasn't it just last week I was NOT driving a mom car?  

I'm attempting to teach Jordan the answer to this question:  "How old are you going to be?"  For the most part she is seriously getting it down!  Majority of the time she answers, "twooooo" (this particular number seems to be sung more than any of the other numbers, two is now twoooooooo)  But I decided to change up the question on her today, mix it up a bit.  I asked her, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be.........?" expecting her to say "twooooo" instead I was met w/what could only be the most obvious answer:  "CAKE!"  Because you see, the word BIRTHDAY equals CAKE and shame on me for not realizing this sooner.  So, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be............'CAKE'"!!!!  Makes perfect sense right?

The other day I witnessed Jordan taking inventory of her face in the mirror.  She sat in front of the mirror (not knowing I was watching) and proceeded to go over every part of her face, saying it all out loud and pointing to what she was saying, "Eye, eye brow, eye lash, nose (which was followed by a tiny "beep"), mouth, teeth, cheek, ear, hair, chin, neck and we ended w/a major lick of the tongue across the mirror.

When it comes to sharing Jordan is pretty good about it.  She's very generous and giving...until we enter The Little Gym.  For some reason my daughter is under the impression that the balance beam and all the other very large pieces of equipment belong to her.  I can't be sure when this started or why this is happening but it's really not my favorite thing.  If she is on the balance beam and some other little kid comes over to use it they are met w/a very whinny "nooooooooooooooooo" followed by the body of my daughter thrown onto the floor assuming the pout stance, which I have to say she's mastered.  And mommy has mastered the 'okay you go and have your little fit' move by turning and walking away.  And then we enter our stand off/stare down phase.  Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Western movie......walking the 10 paces, quickly turning around to see who shoots first.

Jordan is beginning to really, really talk a lot.  Tons of words, words put together w/other words and lots of pretend play.  I have eaten so much pretend soup I think I actually feel full.  "Mommy, soup" followed by the spoon Jordan is holding shoved into my mouth so that she is sure I have tasted the soup.  And we do this at least 74 more times until I'm pretty convinced we're nearing the end of the soup.  

I am madly, deeply in love w/hearing Jordan say, "MOMMY" and I know one day soon I'm going to be writing about how I wish she'd give it a rest but for now I  can not get enough of it.  I love it so much that I find myself asking her, "Who am I?" just to hear her say, "MOMMY".  It's the best sound in the whole entire world.

Halloween is upon us.  Jordan is a flower this year.  I am so interested to see how & when the connection is made for Jordan:  ring the door bell, say "trick or treat", hold out your bag and GET CANDY!!!!!!!!!  The connection probably won't happen until next year, but this year will be very fun I'm sure.  I know after the first house we go to she is not going to be interested in going to any other houses b/c she'll be so satisfied w/whatever is in her little Halloween bag.  But not mommy!  Mommy wants to get the most/best candy EVER!  My intensions are very clear:  use the cuteness of my kid to maximize the amount of candy we get.