Let There Be No Doubt......Jordan is a JEW!!!!!!!!!

Today I decided to take Jordan to see Santa and to have her picture taken w/the jolly dude in the red suit.  Well that didn't quite go the way I had it planned out in my head.  Jordan took one look at this red suited, big bellied, white bearded guy and she FREAKED OUT!  She was terrified!  She was clinging to my body so tightly, arms wrapped completely around my neck, legs would have been completely wrapped around my body had it not been for those pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream I've been consuming..........

So I revert to what every mother on the planet does in a desperate time of need:  bribery!  "Jordan, he's a nice man and he's the guy who brings you presents!"  "Jordan, he has a present for you but you have to sit on his lap."  Meanwhile in her mind she's like, "Duh, I'm not falling for this b/c my mommies are the ones who bring me presents and all I have to do is go to the store w/them and not sit on some strangers lap!"  

I have scratch marks on both sides of my neck from attempting to pull her off me so I can place her onto Santa's lap.  The instant contact was made on the lap of the dude in the red suit, Jordan reached a whole new level of freak out so I immediately put a stop to the every-kid-gets-one-every-year Santa picture.  And all was good in the world once we were far enough away from the dude in the red suit.

Ahhhh Chanukah, calm, candles, latkas, 8 nights of presents, no need for dead trees in the living room, no scary red suited men.

Jordan is beginning to recognize certain places or areas when we are in the car now.  Like when we're heading towards or near our dry cleaners she starts spewing from the backseat:  "APPAPOP, APPAPOP" which sounds like 'apple pop' but really means 'LOLLIPOP' b/c the wonderful folks at our dry cleaners give Jordan a lollipop each every time we go there.  So I find myself avoiding the "APPAPOP" roads on the days we do not have to pick anything up at the dry cleaners.  She also recognizes the Y where we take our Parent/Toddler class which I've been calling 'school', so when we pull into the parking lot she starts saying "FAN" which really means 'Fran' who is Jordan's teacher.

Hanging out w/mostly heterosexual moms and their kids has had some affect on Jordan.  I wasn't aware that she was being affected by this until the two of us were shopping in Bed Bath & Beyond and Jordan started yelling at the top of her lungs, "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY"..........now that made for an interesting moment.

Jordan is madly in love w/our cat Nina.  Nina, not so much w/Jordan.  I bought 'snacks' for Nina and put them in 'the snack' cabinet which is full of Jordan's snacks and Jordan can go in there at any time and pull out what she wants.  These days it seems she is only interested in Nina's snacks, not to eat, but to insist that we feed these snacks to Nina a minimum of 7 times a day.  Jordan, using her 2 word sentences will come up to me w/the Nina snacks in her hand and say, "NINA EAT" so we go upstairs to where Nina is sleeping (and pretty much living during Jordan's awake hours) and we feed her a few snacks.  I'm thinking this might work out for Jordan, Nina will most likely start associating good snacks w/Jordan and then start to love Jordan.......that is until Nina came downstairs after a full day of "NINA EAT" and Nina proceeded to puke at my feet.  

Speaking of 2 word sentences..........they are awesome and they are amazing!  Most of Jordan's 2 word sentences start w/"MOMMY" but I am soooooooo good w/that!  In fact I'm in love w/it!  "MOMMY COME."  "MOMMY MORE."  "MOMMY TENT." (meaning come and play in the tent w/me)

That's it from the Land Of Jordan for now, hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!

Daylight Savings = Insanity!

I'm sure majority of you out there are enjoying the extra hour of sleep due to daylight savings.  That's just great, swell, lovely, wonderful (dripping w/sarcasm) and really frustrating to those of us living in the Brooks/Minardi household.  I am hereby demanding to speak to whomever is in charge of this daylight savings thing.  I would like to do away w/it.  We have gained NOTHING in this savings, NOTHING!  If anything we have LOST an hour of sleep.  LOST!  Who looses an hours sleep when you turn the clocks back?  Jordan.  That's who.  She is so thrown off by this and now we are so thrown off by this.  What's going to happen when Spring comes and we have to turn the clocks ahead an hour?  Oh good God, we're doomed.  That's it, I'm revolting.  I refuse to turn my clocks in any direction, we are staying on the old time - who's with me?  

We made it thru our 2nd Jordan Halloween w/only a slight sugar buzz.  Jordan was invited to a funky cool Halloween party where cupcakes and cookies covered in orange icing were readily available to the kids and they quickly figured out that each of them could reach up and grab whatever they wanted from the table of orange icing.  No words were spoken.  They all just somehow knew the table of orange icing was there in the other room waiting to be taken over by 25 little arms reaching up and randomly pulling down some sugar filled treat.  Every single child at the party had orange icing mushed across their face, in their noses, hair, fingernails and yes of course all over their costumes.  And this was all BEFORE we went out to trick-or-treat.

Trick-or-treating was pretty fun this year.  Fun to watch your child be pushed up to some strangers door, forced to knock or ring the bell, forced to stand there waiting for the unknown to happen, promises of candy delivered by the stranger behind the door.......only thing is nobody was home at that house.  Hmmmm, okay.  Due-over!  Anyway, totally cool to see Jordan up on someone's porch giving her candy.  Jordan was mesmerized by the whole process and couldn't quite understand that after you got the candy you said thank you and walked away.  She just stood at each person's door and didn't move.  Very cute.  After about 5 doors of receiving candy she told me she was "all done" so we packed up and went home.  And that's actually where I think she had the best time b/c when our doorbell would ring she would go running to the door all kinds of excited and was so happy to be giving out candy to all these people dressed up in silly costumes.  She enjoyed this so much that she nearly gave away our entire candy bowl to the first 2 kids who came to our door!

Speaking of "all done"..........Jordan and her cousin Max had a fun filled trip to Build-A-Bear a few weeks ago.  They each chose to stuff a dog instead of a bear.  By the time Max was done his dog was decked out in a Batman outfit.  By the time Jordan was done (more like by the time I was done) her dog was decked out in a WNBA outfit!  What?  Jordan actually chose this outfit

after I pulled it down from the shelf, showed it to her, hid all the other outfits in the store and told her this was the coolest outfit I'd ever seen and didn't she think it would look amazing on her dog?  So we go to the finishing area where you create your birth certificate for their newly stuffed/built dogs and you get to give them a name.  Max's dog was given the obvious name:  Batdog.  Jordan's turn.  So mommy says, "Jordan, what would you like to name your dog?"  To which Jordan replies, "All done."  And that's the name I put on her dog's birth certificate.  

A few little awesome tidbits about Jordan:  she can count to 10, she can pick out the letters P, O & N from the alphabet, she is putting 2 & 3 words together to form her sentences, she's bossy (and getting bossier), she is 23 months old today which means we are exactly ONE MONTH from her 2nd birthday, she likes pumpkin pie (discovered this last night), she imitates nearly everything I do or say.

That's all for now from The Land of Jordan..........

Approaching The "Two"

The Land of Jordan is quickly approaching the 2 year mark.  I don't know about anyone else but I'm completely blown away by this.  Wasn't it just last week I was breast feeding?  Wasn't it just last week Jordan was up every hour of every day having her mommies walking the planet in a zombie state of mind?  Wasn't it just last week we went from a couple to a party of 3?  Wasn't it just last week I was NOT driving a mom car?  

I'm attempting to teach Jordan the answer to this question:  "How old are you going to be?"  For the most part she is seriously getting it down!  Majority of the time she answers, "twooooo" (this particular number seems to be sung more than any of the other numbers, two is now twoooooooo)  But I decided to change up the question on her today, mix it up a bit.  I asked her, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be.........?" expecting her to say "twooooo" instead I was met w/what could only be the most obvious answer:  "CAKE!"  Because you see, the word BIRTHDAY equals CAKE and shame on me for not realizing this sooner.  So, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be............'CAKE'"!!!!  Makes perfect sense right?

The other day I witnessed Jordan taking inventory of her face in the mirror.  She sat in front of the mirror (not knowing I was watching) and proceeded to go over every part of her face, saying it all out loud and pointing to what she was saying, "Eye, eye brow, eye lash, nose (which was followed by a tiny "beep"), mouth, teeth, cheek, ear, hair, chin, neck and we ended w/a major lick of the tongue across the mirror.

When it comes to sharing Jordan is pretty good about it.  She's very generous and giving...until we enter The Little Gym.  For some reason my daughter is under the impression that the balance beam and all the other very large pieces of equipment belong to her.  I can't be sure when this started or why this is happening but it's really not my favorite thing.  If she is on the balance beam and some other little kid comes over to use it they are met w/a very whinny "nooooooooooooooooo" followed by the body of my daughter thrown onto the floor assuming the pout stance, which I have to say she's mastered.  And mommy has mastered the 'okay you go and have your little fit' move by turning and walking away.  And then we enter our stand off/stare down phase.  Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Western movie......walking the 10 paces, quickly turning around to see who shoots first.

Jordan is beginning to really, really talk a lot.  Tons of words, words put together w/other words and lots of pretend play.  I have eaten so much pretend soup I think I actually feel full.  "Mommy, soup" followed by the spoon Jordan is holding shoved into my mouth so that she is sure I have tasted the soup.  And we do this at least 74 more times until I'm pretty convinced we're nearing the end of the soup.  

I am madly, deeply in love w/hearing Jordan say, "MOMMY" and I know one day soon I'm going to be writing about how I wish she'd give it a rest but for now I  can not get enough of it.  I love it so much that I find myself asking her, "Who am I?" just to hear her say, "MOMMY".  It's the best sound in the whole entire world.

Halloween is upon us.  Jordan is a flower this year.  I am so interested to see how & when the connection is made for Jordan:  ring the door bell, say "trick or treat", hold out your bag and GET CANDY!!!!!!!!!  The connection probably won't happen until next year, but this year will be very fun I'm sure.  I know after the first house we go to she is not going to be interested in going to any other houses b/c she'll be so satisfied w/whatever is in her little Halloween bag.  But not mommy!  Mommy wants to get the most/best candy EVER!  My intensions are very clear:  use the cuteness of my kid to maximize the amount of candy we get.

Seeking The Thrill............

The Land of Jordan is changing.  Things that used to be are no longer.  Take the swings at the park for example.  Last week Jordan decided she no longer wanted me to put her in the 'baby' swing seat.  She wanted to be on the big kids swings like the big kids.  So onto the big kid swing I placed her and proceeded to spew out orders of, "DO NOT LET GO" and "DON'T LEAN BACK TOO FAR" followed again with "DO NOT LET GO" for fear my daughter after the first push was going to topple backwards off the big kid swing into that cavernous hole of dirt beneath the swing.  

The first push was successful.  She loved it and wanted more.  I on the other hand wanted her back in the safety of the 'baby' swing seat where I could push her as high and as fast as the swing would allow knowing all the while she was protected by that bucket of a seat.  So, I gave her more.  I pushed her over and over again on the big kid swing but not too high and not too fast b/c each time an airplane flew overhead she would remove a hand from the rusty swing chain and point up to the sky yelling, "AIRPLANE" as I'm yelling, "DO NOT LET GO!!!!"

Well the same thing happened today at the park.  No interest in the 'baby' swings but major interest in the big kid swings!  So onto the swing she goes and I now take my pushing position behind the swing where as with the 'baby' swing I was always pushing from the front and entertaining her at the same time w/some silly face or some silly dance or pretending that she kicked me and I'd fall onto the ground which always brought major laughter from her little body!  

Jordan managed to hold on the entire time she was swinging and she seemed very happy.  But when she was done I asked her to watch Mommy swing and I proceeded to swing w/a purpose and get some serious air!  She loved it, but, wanted to be a part of it.  So I pop Jordan onto my lap and we start swinging.  But we're not just sissy swinging, we are swinging super high and super fast and I'm yelling, "weeeeeeeee" and this beautiful child on my lap is giggling so hard she can't catch her breath.  And now I'm giggling b/c she's giggling and she's giggling b/c I'm giggling and at some point I realize she's slipping down my legs and I'm only holding onto her by her shorts.  So we stop.  And we start over and do the whole thing again.  Giggles and all.  And when we're finished some random kid comes up to me and asks me if I can do that w/him!!!

Speaking of "weeeeeee", Jordan's car seat has been relocated to the middle seat.  I felt like she'd be more entertained if she could actually see what's coming or going in the world while we're driving.  She seems very happy there or at least very interested in pointing out to me every truck, bus, car, tree, house and light she sees.  But the best is when I'm driving and I don't think she's paying attention and the rode will have some sort of dip in it, like a stomach drop dip and we'll go over this dip and from the back seat I'll hear, "weeeeeeee" followed by, "more, more" as if I can control where the dips in the rode might be.  

I think Jordan likes that stomach drop thrill.

Instead of a yard sale I think I might have an overstock food sale for anyone who might be interested.  Time and time again I have made the same ridiculous mistake when it comes to purchasing snacks/food for Jordan.  Jordan, like most kids, is a fan of whatever any other kid has.  For example, if her buddy Jake is eating a cereal bar then Jordan MUST have one too.  So I figure she's loving cereal bars now and I better rush out to the store and buy not just one box, but at least two boxes of cereal bars b/c I'm all about having a back up of stock!  And the next day when full of enthusiasm I offer her a cereal bar she turns it down as if it's the most disgusting thing on the planet.  At our Parent/Toddler class they gave out Fruit Loops for a snack one day and Jordan loved them, even asked for more of them.  So, where did we go right from class?  Yep, to the store to purchase a box of Fruit Loops.  But this wasn't just any box of Fruit Loops, this was the mack-daddy COSTCO size box of Fruit Loops.  And once again Mommy looks like an idiot when offering her child this snack that was so loved the day before and now is frowned upon.

We are entering a new phase.......the acknowledgment of the poopy phase.  Yes, yes, I know this means potty training is right around the corner but I don't think anyone understands how much I love diapers and how I am not against changing a diaper or how I'm not against Jordan being in diapers and then there's the whole I-have-no-interest-in-potty-training thing.  I'm serious, I am just not interested and I can't seem to get interested either.  So yes, Jordan is now telling me when she has pooped.  Well, it's a bit confusing but sometimes she's right on the money w/it.  Sometimes she poops and then comes up to us and tells us, "POOP" and she's right.  Other times if someone says the word 'diaper' she hears this and says, "POOP".  And there have been times when she's farted and says, "POOP".  Oh and lets not forget each and every time I change her diaper she says, "POOP" whether poop is actually there or not.  I'm beginning to think poop is her favorite word.  And when I say "POOP" to her she scrunches up her face and makes these pushing sounds, it's very funny!

I just don't feel like taking her clothes off to have her sit on that stupid little potty thing for like a nano-second and not pee or poop only to have to put her clothes back on again.  She does come into the bathroom w/us when we have to pee and she sits on her potty (fully clothed) while we are peeing and she even takes toilet paper and wipes herself.  Granted she's wiping either her jeans or her shorts but she's wiping!  And then she throws the toilet paper in the toilet and she flushes so these are all good signs right?  I agree.  So I'm thinking w/a little more visual silent training she'll just start doing it all on her own and I'll be free and clear of the whole potty training thing.  She'll be able to pull her own pants off, remove her diaper, take a seat and have it all just happen!!  I mean the world is all about natural this and natural that, natural births, the kid will start walking when they're ready, the kid will start talking when they're ready, and isn't the kid will start using the toilet when they're ready in that mix too??

That's all from The Land of Jordan for now..............

Another New Discovery.....

Hello from The Land Of Jordan again.  A land full of discoveries waiting to be uncovered.

This week we have discovered the world of tattoos!  Yes, that's right, I did say tattoos.  Real ones too. 

Jordan has shown a very intense interest in the tattoo I have on my ankle.  Yesterday morning we spent a great deal of time tracing it w/our fingers and saying over and over again, "TATTOO" only to my ears it sounded like "AT TOO", not to be confused w/what is said after you sneeze, "AH CHOO".

Silly Mommy thinks we are only fascinated w/saying the name over and over again, "AT TOO, AT TOO, AT TOO" until I walk back into the bathroom and find Jordan on the floor drawing on HER ankle w/Mima's lipstick.  And that's when Mommy uses the heard-a-gazillion-times-a-day phrase:  "UH-OH"!!!!

Speaking of hearing something over and over again - we must hear the word "no" at least 9,000 times in the course of one day.  "No" is the answer to any and all questions.  "Jordan, would you like a snack?"  "No."  "Jordan, do you want to go the park?"  "No."  Mima asked Jordan this question the other day:  "Jordan, did you poop yesterday?"  "No" was Jordan's reply when in fact she had pooped.  And then Mima asked her, "Jordan, are you going to poop today?"  "No" was the answer again and then 3 minutes later we had a poopy diaper!

My Mom says we are the generation who ask our children too many questions instead of her generation where they just told the children what was going to happen.  I feel like I'm some where in between generations b/c I first ask Jordan a question which is always answered w/the ever popular "No" and then I wind up telling Jordan what is going to happen whether she likes it or not.  So I fall into the ASK THEN TELL category.

We've been dealing w/Jordan having a cold for nearly 2 weeks now.  This particular cold has manifested itself inside Jordan's nose leaving her unable to breathe thru her nose and walking around sounding a bit like a mini-Darth Vader.  She's starting to put a few words together to form sentences so if "Luke, I am your father" comes out of her mouth I won't be overly surprised!

I tried something on Jordan I've never used before:  the nose suction thingy.  I figured it had to be helpful to suck out all those sloshy boogies right?  So I tackle the first nostril and I'm successful except Jordan is completely wide eyed and freaked out by what I had I just done to her.  Tackling the second nostril is not so easy.  Jordan is flipping out, fighting me every step of the way.  I finally get her pinned down, hands are secured and I'm heading in w/the nose suction thingy.  I'm in position and as I squeeze the nose suction thingy to get it ready for suctioning I wind up squeezing it too hard and a major glob of pre-suctioned boogies comes flying out from the nose suction thingy and lands smack in the middle of Jordan's hair.  Lovely.  At this point I figure why suction when boogies are in her hair, what's the difference if boogies are on her face too?

Today we had our Parent/Toddler class at the Y.  This is a fantastic class which Jordan seems to love.  Someone made the wise decision to bring in the sand box table for the kids to play with indoors.  Initially I thought this was a great decision b/c the kids just stand at the table and run their fingers/hands thru the sand or take some shovels/spoons/cups and fill it up w/sand.  It's not like they're sitting in the sand or rolling in it b/c it's a table not an actual box.  Jordan had a blast at this table.  In fact I think she had too much of a good time at this table b/c when I got her home and took her diaper off.................OH MY GOD................HOW DID ALL THIS SAND GET IN HER DIAPER?  Was I not watching her the whole time?  Did she take a cup full of sand, lift her shirt, pull out her pants, pull out her diaper and dump the sand down there?  Did she conspire w/another kid there to have them put the sand in her diaper?  OH MY GOD, we might as well have been at the beach.  Sand up her butt, sand in her "Veh Jay Jay", sand all over my floor, SAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that's all for this week's LAND OF JORDAN update.