Nutty Nutcracker......

I felt a strong desire to write about what happened in "The Land of Jordan" today.

For nearly my entire childhood my Mom dragged (well, she dragged me but happily took my sister) to see The Nutcracker every year.  I'm sure for the first Nutcracker performance I must have been excited to see it.  But I quickly caught on that seeing The Nutcracker meant I had to get dressed up and for my Mom, getting dressed up meant you wore a dress.  OMG really?  A dress?  Me?  Have you met me?  Wearing a dress is equivalent to having teeth pulled w/OUT any drugs to numb you!!!  Not to mention that this particular 'play' is really boring.  Nobody speaks!  Nobody sings.  And I could never stop looking at the guys 'packages' b/c those tights are....well, quite tight!  How can you NOT look?

Fast forward a bunch of years.  My Mom hasn't 'dragged' me to this play in quite awhile but I realized that it's actually one of my favorite things she did w/us b/c it's a tradition and I love that I could tell JoJo all about our tradition.  And that's when I had the clever idea that I should pick the tradition back up and take JoJo every year to see the play where nobody speaks, nobody sings and I'm still strangely fascinated by the packages of the male dancers.

And today was the day to begin our tradition.  Today I took JoJo to see The Nutcracker.  Just us, a Mommy/JoJo day.

Unlike me, JoJo was THRILLED to get dressed up and I mean THRILLED!  Long blue velvety (is that a word) dress w/these adorable tights and red boots.  My kid was stylin!  And so was every other little girl there to see this show.  It's like a BIG dress up party for little girls.

Show starts, all is good.  JoJo is VERY interested and has lots of questions as to who's who and what's going on, b/c remember:  nobody speaks.  And I can't zone out and pretend I'm watching b/c she's firing questions at me left and right so I have to pay close attention to make sure I give her the correct answer/info......that is until the end, but we'll get there in a minute.

Now it's "halftime" and all is still okay in The Land of Jordan.  I have packed snacks, which she is devouring.  She has questions about what's to come in the show so I read that little program thing (playbill) and give her a quick rundown of what dances are coming up.  Lights blink......2nd half is about to start.

3 minutes into the 2nd half JoJo says, "Mom, how can they hold their 'talk' for so long?"  Good question kid cause I'm thinking if they let their 'talk' out this show would jump up a few notches in the excitement category.

12 minutes into the 2nd half, not only is JoJo getting fidgety but majority of the kids in the theatre are getting a bit antsy and I'm absolutely one of them!  It is impossible not to zone out.  And then the questions start:  "When are they going to be done w/this dance?  What's the next dance?  What happens next?  Can I have more pretzels?  Why are they still dancing?"

There is this one part of the show where this guy and girl pretty much spend a long time on stage dancing.  They start out dancing together.  Then the girl dances alone.  Then the boy dances alone.  Then they dance together again.  Then the girl dances alone.  Then the guy dances alone.  At this point JoJo is about over it (I'm way beyond over it) and she says to me "Mom, how come he's still on the stage?" and w/out thinking I bust out a smart ass remark and say "I don't know, maybe he's a stage hog?" and JoJo ERUPTS and I am NOT exaggerating, she ERUPTS into a fit of laughter and this theatre is COMPLETELY silent other than the orchestra playing their gig.  And of course when you know you should not be laughing you can't stop and it becomes impossible to control it.  I literally had my hand over JoJo's mouth as the two of us were cracking up about the dude being a stage hog.  THAT was highlight of the show where nobody speaks and nobody sings and guys show off their packages.

Now we are nearing the end of the show, except I am convinced it's not the end of the show.  Somehow, at some point in my life, maybe during one of the many Nutcracker shows I've been to, I have drummed up a completely different ending in my mind.  And I was so convinced of this ending that it actually felt real in my head!  I even told JoJo to stay seated b/c there was no way the play was about to end even though the house lights came on and everyone around had their coats on and were heading towards the door.  Damn, I hate when I swear I'm right and I'm completely wrong!

Who's seen this show?  It just kinda ends.  There's no wrap up of what happens when the girl wakes up from her dream.  However, in my 'real' mind there is and it goes like this:  she wakes up, goes to the Nutcracker which has been broken from the day before and when she picks the nutcracker up he's miraculously fixed!  Happy ending, so-to-speak.  I was so convinced that this takes place.  We had to call my Mom for confirmation on this.  She laughed at me which meant I clearly made it up.  Must have been during one of those zoned out performances where nobody speaks and nobody sings and the men have ridiculous packages.

I'm gonna have to think about if this is a tradition I want my kid to suffer through.

The Return of JoJo!

Guess who's back?  Guess who's 6 years old?  Guess who's parents got divorced?  But guess who's doing awesome w/the whole change and transition and loving life?  JoJo!  That's who!

Jordan had an incredibly eventful year and man is she a trooper.  She continues to amaze me and blow me away w/the way she has adapted to such a huge change in her life.  I am absolutely going to take some of the credit for her happiness and the transition going so well b/c I worked my ASS off making sure she was prepared and knew everything up front and constantly checked in w/her to talk about any concerns/fears she may have had.  And of course in the end two happy homes are way better than one miserable one!!

So, like in the past, I have kept an on going list of things JoJo has said which I find hilarious and entertaining and I am now going to share them w/you.  This list is probably going to be VERY long seeing how it's been FOREVER since my last post....and some of these things happened last year but hopefully you will enjoy them just the same!

Here we go:

"Mom, Jaden got bit by a shark."  "No he didn't JoJo."  "Yes he did Mom."  "Jordan, he's faking it."  "No Mom, he's not faking it b/c Jaden is 6 years old and that means he knows."

One VERY hot summer day, 105 outside, pull up to the house and the leaves on the plants are all drooping:  "Mom!  The leaves on those plants are just like your boobs:  DROOPY!"

"The sun is over Asia and NJ.  That's it Mom, Asia and NJ are the two places where the sun is."

"My poop is on vacation Mom, that's why I'm not pooping so you can stop asking me now."

Jordan still to this day calls oatmeal:  "opameal" and I refuse to correct her b/c it's THAT cute.

Instead of saying 'every other' Jordan still says "either other".

Something happened and she turns to me w/her hands up and says, "It's freaking me out Mom!"

One day we were driving somewhere (one of our many adventures I'm sure) and I had a bag of Skittles w/me.  JoJo did something that warranted a 'driving time out' which basically meant she wasn't getting any Skittles and man did she want those Skittles.  I told her when/if she calmed down I would give her a few Skittles.  Naturally she calmed down w/in 3 seconds but quickly became annoyed when I wouldn't let her hold the bag.  I explained that she was not going to be holding the bag, that I would hand her a few at a time and that I needed her to sit there and think about how her actions & attitude affected others (me).....so my smart ass kid says:  "How about this Mom:  you give me the bag to hold and then I will sit here and think about my actions and attitude.  Is that a good idea Mom?"

She told me one day:  "you need to buy 'teacher' band aids b/c they don't stick like 'mommy' band aids do."

We go thru phases of talking about death and heaven.  This subject is fascinating to her.  So she says, "I want my skin to stay w/me when I go to heaven.  And I don't want to be in the ground.  Who do I send a message to at the cemetery so they will know?"

"There's a seed in my vagina Mom.  Everybody has this seed and it doesn't ever come out.  Sometimes my seed itches."

Instead of saying hearing aid JoJo says "earring aid".

One day JoJo's teacher told me she was extremely mushy and very attached to her that day, was wondering if everything was okay.  So we get in the car and I'm asking JoJo if she's okay, anything she wants to talk about, how come you were so mushy w/your teacher.......and she says:  "Mom, Miss Ruchalski's sweater was so soft and snuggly I just wanted to be wrapped in it all day!"

I pissed Jordan off one day and she turns to me and says, "I'm telling on you!"

"Mom, I'm going to marry a boy so I can have a baby.  If I marry a girl then we won't know who will have the baby."  "You know JoJo if you marry a girl you both can have a baby."  "I know Mom but if I marry a boy he can't have a baby b/c he's not a seahorse and remember we learned that the only boy who can have a baby is a boy seahorse?"

"My body told me it was time to wake up."  (6:30am)  "Great JoJo, but Mommy's body didn't tell her it was time to wake up, you did."

Jordan is also fascinated w/me being adopted and recently asked:  "Mom, what ladies belly were you in and how did Bubby & Pop-Pop find you in there?"

Last year Jordan's Uncle Wally died, which is really what started the interest in the subject of dying.  This conversation I'm about to tell you was not something I thought I'd have w/my then 5 year old:  "Mom, is Uncle Wally in a graveyard?"  "No honey he is not."  "Then where is he?"  And keeping w/the never lying to my child rule:  "Well honey there's this thing called cremation for people who don't want to be buried in the ground.  They put your body in a box and well, they basically burn your body and the box and then they give someone in your family the ashes of the person who was cremated."  She says, "How do you get in the fire?"  "There are people that work there who know what they are doing and they take care of putting the box in the fire."  Then she wanted to know if I wanted to be cremated, "Yes JoJo I do."  And she thinks on this for a little bit and then says, "I'm just not sure what I want to do Mom, I need to think about this, ok?"  A few days later we drive past a cemetery and she says, "Mom, Uncle Wally is not in there do you know why?"  "Why JoJo?"  "Because he got fired Mom."

Driving home one day I'm all chatty w/JoJo and she says, "I want you to stop talking now Mom, I'm really tired."  SERVED by my kid!

I was so thirsty one day so smarty pants says to me "You have to drink water to hydrate Mom."  How does she know this??????

"Jordan, you want to take a bath tonite?"  "I don't know Mom, do YOU want me to take a bath tonite?"

"I'm gonna be on TV Mommy cause I'm gonna be famous!"  "I want to be on TV too JoJo!!"  "Oh you will Mom, b/c you will be in the audience watching me."

"When you're in heaven do they have band aids in case you get a boo-boo?"  "And is the hospital above heaven, like in outer space?"

Jordan has taken on saying 'no worries' if something goes wrong.

One day I said to Jordan how I wished I could spend every minute of every day w/her and my level headed child says, "You have to marry Mima again if you want to spend every second w/me."  Damn she's smart.

Instead of keeping her eyes peeled, she keeps her "eyes pierced".

She calls baptism "bathtism" which is kinda right cause don't they dunk your head w/water?

"Why are there spiders in this world?  I would like for spiders to go away please!"  Apparently JoJo has my fear of spiders.....I tried so hard to not let this happen!

JoJo's friend's parents celebrate Ramadan and JoJo is very curious about this.  "Mom, if Nancy eats the tiniest teensiest little thing will she get in trouble?"  "By who JoJo?  Who will she get in trouble by?"  "By Santa Mom, duh!  Will Santa only give her coal b/c she ate the tiniest little thing?"  Then she says, "Good thing we're not that religion Mom cause that whole fasting thing.......I don't know about that!"

A friend of Jordan's was working her last nerve one day and so we were talking about it afterwards and I said, "He knows how to push your buttons" and she says, "But I don't have any buttons."

We saw a bunch of JoJo's friends from when she went to school at the Y which was a few years ago and she says to me, "Mom, those are my Y friends from way way way way back in the day."

And finally the last thing I have written down to share w/you all is this:  Jordan and I were about to play a board game called Spuzzle.  Right before we were going to play I was holding her and giving her TONS and TONS and TONS of kisses all over her face and she says to me:  "I prefer the kisses over Spuzzle!"  Me too JoJo, me too!!!!

Wow, it feels good to be back in The Land of Jordan!!!

Hope you all enjoyed this long overdue update.......I shall try my best to continue w/the posts.......

Jo-Jo Tidbits........

The Land of Jordan has returned!  I'm not even sure why it ever took a break, but here we are again....together, enjoying the ride of Jo-Jo and her wonderful views on her little 4 1/2 year old life!

Let's catch up shall we?  Jordan is now 4 1/2.  She went thru her first year at Apple Montessori and loved it!  She's wicked smart and has no problem letting you know that she's right and you're wrong.  Just like the other day when she told me that mermaids were real.  I of course disagreed and was told in no uncertain terms that "Mom, mermaids ARE real, they just don't live in the ocean where I can stand, they live in the ocean where I can't stand and where you can't see them b/c they are all the way down on the bottom where you can't stand either Mom, so they are real!"  Well how can you argue w/that?

She is super funny and cracks me up constantly.  I love it when something gets her going to that belly laughing point and when she's done and has regained her composure she says, "Now THAT was hilarious!"

Currently she is attending camp at her school.  Camp ROCKS!  Every day there is a theme and every day I want to go to camp w/her.  Jordan seems to love camp but Mommy is not loving the laundry.  I send her to camp in one outfit, they go swimming and at some point after swimming they all get dressed again.  But why does my kid get dressed into the 'back-up outfit'?  It's the 'back-up outfit', it's not the 'in-case-you-wanted-options-outfit'.  It all equals LAUNDRY, and lots of it!

I have given up the getting dressed in the morning battle.  I let go of it awhile ago but now I'm letting go of the "those shoes so do NOT match" battle.  You want to wear your brown dress up shoes w/blue socks and turquoise shorts w/that green shirt?  Go right ahead!  In fact, I support you wearing that!  You go w/your bad self!!

We ended the winter w/ice skating lessons.  Moved right on into soccer and then as if that wasn't enough signed up for gymnastics oh and added a full season of ballet/tap classes.  That's all behind us now, camp is the main focus w/a Spanish class on Thursdays thrown in just to ensure exhaustion.

I won't keep you waiting any longer for the tidbits of Jo-Jo.  I have had a ton of these stored in my phone for a long time.......hope you enjoy them as much as I have:

 - "Mom, that car in front of us is silver and that means it's a girl driving b/c only girls drive silver cars b/c silver is a pretty color."

 - "I changed my mind Mom.  When I grow up I'm going to be a movie instructor and I'm going to make all the numbers (sequels) for Madagascar, like:  Madagascar 40, Madagascar 12, Madagascar 105."

 - "How about this Mom?  When I get married and I have a baby in my belly and it's going to be a boy...I can name him Max Sanders and I will be a beautiful married girl.  How about that Mom?"

 - When all that flooding happened around here, Jo-Jo was OBSESSED w/talking about it and needing to know if the people were okay and wanted to know where they would live and on and on.  So she says one day:  "I got an idea!  The flood houses, we can give them some mops and some paper towels to clean up their basements!  Is that a good idea?"

 - "Mom, when I grow up and I get married and there is a baby in my belly and then the baby come out, can I get one of those 2 (double) baby strollers?"  And I say, "Well you would have to have 2 babies to put in that double stroller Jo-Jo" to which she replies, "I know Mom. (w/the 'no-duh' tone)  I meant when I have 2 babies coming out of my belly."

 - Jordan was PISSED at me for quite awhile b/c I would not take her to Japan to find Ponyo.  Ponyo is her most favorite movie, about a fish who turns into a girl.  A really great movie but totally animated and totally NOT REAL.  Tried explaining the 'not real' thing to her but she just wasn't buying it and was really unhappy w/me for not just picking up and flying us to Japan to find this 'not real' fish/girl.  And then the earth quake happened in Japan.  So I explained to her that we could not go to Japan for a long time b/c of the earth quake and the destruction and all that.  Which lead us to a new obsession of Jo-Jo's.....earth quakes.  Ugh!  I was explaining the cracks in the earth, in the ground, etc and she says, "I think we need to call Pop-Pop on the phone right now!  He will know how the 'Japan people' get out of the holes in the ground that the earth quake made!"  For you see, Pop-Pop is our go-to guy!  If Jo-Jo ever made it onto 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', Pop-Pop would be her 'PHONE A FRIEND' lifeline!

 -  A few days after the whole Japan thing Jordan comes screaming into the house:  "MOM!  MOM!  We had an earth quake!  There are cracks in our driveway!"  Damn, knew I should have had the driveway resealed sooner rather than later!

 - "I want to be an astronaut when I grow up.  I think in order for me to practice we should cut a hole in the ceiling so I can float up to space."  Of course I'm intrigued at this point.  "But Jo-Jo, I would miss you if you floated up to space w/out the proper training b/c you could get lost honey."  And the little wise woman says:  "Don't worry Mom.  I won't get lost b/c you have good eyes Mom so you could find me!  And Mom?  I won't have any time for TV shows b/c I'm gonna be very busy when I'm an astronaut!"

 - Before the school year ended 'we' went thru a little period of the super duper, mack daddy, NOT listening phase.  A rather non-enjoyable time in our lives.  But I always found it so interesting how the instant I would threaten (and I did it often cause it friggin worked) to tell Miss Ruchalski (Jordan's teacher) that she wasn't listening, how Jordan would freak out by the mere thought of her teacher knowing she was not being good and suddenly my kid was doing exactly what I had asked her to do 9,012 times earlier!  I found myself considering contacting Madame Tussaudes in NYC (wax museum) to have the wax version of Miss Ruchaslki made up for me b/c I knew that would be enough for my kid to listen!

 - Upon finishing reading bedtime books to Jo-Jo one night, I was feeling really sleepy and comfy in her bed so I closed my eyes thinking I would just sleep there for a tiny bit......until I heard that sweet little voice say:  "Okay Mom, you can go now."  Dismissed by my child!!!

 - "Mom?  Sometimes when I'm sad and I feel like crying, my body tells me it's happy and wants to laugh and be silly."  OMG, really?  I mean really?  Could this be ANY cuter?

 - "That girl, she had a boy voice, but she's really a girl b/c she was wearing a pretty dress w/a bow."

 - Discussing the Red Cross blood donation trucks (was one in her school's parking lot one day)....."If you give blood Mommy, will you have any blood left?"

 - Sometimes Pop-Pop falls a notch off our 'lifeline' list for answers b/c I'm now being told:  "Just Google it Mom."

 - "Why did dinosaurs die?  Did they fall into a volcano?"  (FYI:  volcanoes are the new obsession)  "Can I go in a volcano?  Is it hot?"  Jordan is soooooooooo obsessed w/volcanoes!  I have no idea why she finds them so interesting but she has latched onto this like you can not imagine.  In fact, I ordered her a kid book on volcanoes, which we have read over and over and over again.  We have Googled volcanoes, she made our good friends Amy & CA Google it too.  She knows what 'dormant' means.  She wants to know if there are any volcanoes in NJ.  She wants to know why we can't just look inside the volcano.  She wants to know if there is fire in all the volcanoes.  She wants to know if animals go inside of volcanoes.  She wants to know if people go into a volcano, how will they get out?  Are there stairs?  Or do they use a rope?  She wants to know if bugs go into volcanoes.  She wants to go to Spain to see a volcano.  She could not believe that 'our' Mexico where we stayed was the same Mexico where a volcano 'lived.'  She insisted there are 2 Mexicos.  When we 'play' together I always have to make sure I'm wearing my 'volcano scientist suit' so I can be safe and the lava can't hurt me.  I'm not kidding, this is a major obsession.  Volcanoes.  Ask me anything about them.  Chances are, I've got the answer so if YOU find yourself on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', I could be on YOUR lifeline!!!

 - Listening to Jo-Jo play 'mom & dad' w/her friend Abagail, so hilarious!  Jo-Jo decides she's the dad, so she walks in the room and says to Abagail:  "Sweetie!  I'm home from work.  We have to eat dinner now sweetie!"  (where did the sweetie come from??)  This continued for a long, long time.  Each time she said something to Abagail:  "Sweetie........."  So funny!

 - Our friend Amy used to work for the NY Liberty and in the past we'd take Jo-Jo to the games w/us.  So a few weeks ago Jo-Jo says, "Mom?  Can we go to the NY Liberty soon?  Because I think Amy's body is telling her that she wants to work there again.  Her whole body is telling her that Mom."

 - This one cracked me up:  "Mom, when you got married were you a bride?"  Now THAT was a good question.

 - "When I grow up can I marry you Mommy?"  As I melt away from mushy silly cute love!

 - "I don't want to be a rock star anymore when I grow up Mom.  I want to be a Halloween 'tricker'!  That's gonna be my job, a Halloween tricker!  Wanna do that w/me Mom?  You get to wear a different costume every day and go to people's houses and trick or treat and you get candy!  Lots and lots of candy!"

 - I said to Jordan the other day:  "Jo-Jo, my favorite part of the day is when I pick you up from camp."  And she said, "My favorite part of the day is when you play w/me Mommy."  And again.......melting away from the ridiculously soft sweet heart my little girl has!

 - And of course most of you will remember this little Jo-Jo tidbit from when I posted it on FB, still one of my fav's:  "Mom?  When Bubby & Pop-Pop adopted you, were in a cage w/lots of other babies and they picked you b/c you were so cute?"............"And Mom?  Did you come w/the name 'Stacey' and they didn't have to think real hard to make you a name?"

Consider yourself updated on The Land of Jordan.  A place where inquiring minds want to know the answers to hundreds of questions.  A place where I find myself knowing the answer to many of these questions and having an 'ah ha' moment b/c I realize I look wicked smart to my kid just like my Mom looked wicked smart to me!  A place where silly things happen on a daily basis.  A place where we listen to Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night" song and now Jordan always asks:  "What's a mini-bar?"  A place where some dude on the radio was talking and said, "smoking crack" and I cringed b/c I knew what was coming w/in 10 seconds and sure enough from the back seat I hear, "Smoking crack?  He just said smoking crack!  Mom, what's smoking crack?"  And even thou the smart mom in the front seat had the answer to the 'smoking crack' question.....she lied and went with:  "You know how that earth quake happened in Japan?  Cracks in the ground?  I think smoke was coming out of them, like 'smoking crack'......"  And THAT was a good enough answer!!

The Land of Jordan hopes you enjoyed yourself!  We will try to get another update out before 2012 comes along!

 - The Land of Jordan would like to thank Chris Nuzzo for taking those first 2 amazing pics!  You, Chris Nuzzo are a wonderful woman!

 - The Land of Jordan would also like to thank Maria Pennetta for getting on my case about slacking on the blog!  You too Maria Pennetta are a wonderful woman!

Back From Hiatus.....

holy crap, it has been forever since i've updated 'the land of jordan'.  my bad!  but here we are again, feeling witty and ready to share.  are you ready to listen?

THERE IS MUCH TO CATCH YOU ALL UP ON....jordan is now 4!   can you believe this?  i am the mother of a 4 year old!?!?  A very funny, clever little 4 year old.

so, rather than ramble on and on and lose your interest I will give you a few 'sound bites' (w/out the sound) from jordan over the past few months.  hope you enjoy:

1. -“MOM!  I FIGURED IT OUT!  WE CAN TAKE THE HOSE AND PUT THE WATER ALL OVER THE DRIVEWAY, AND THEN SLEEP FOR A REALLY GOOD LONG TIME, AND WHEN WE WAKE UP THERE WILL BE AN ICE RINK AND WE CAN ICE SKATE RIGHT HERE!”

1. -“GEORGE IS SLEEPING ‘SOFTLY’ MOM.....”  (INSTEAD OF SOUNDLY)

1. -“MOM? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?  MIMA IS ALREADY ‘GROWED’ UP, BUT NOT YOU.  SO YOU HAVE TO BE SOMETHING WHEN YOU GROW UP, LIKE YOU HAVE TO BE EITHER A DENTIST OR A DOCTOR.  OKAY MOM?”  SHE WOULD NOT ACCEPT MY “I’M NEVER GROWING UP” ANSWER.

1. -WHILE PLAYING A MEMORY GAME W/ME AND SHE FOUND THE MATCHING CARD I ASKED HER HOW SHE KNEW THE MATCHING CARD WAS THERE:  “I LOOKED INSIDE MY BRAIN AND I FOUND THE MATCHING CARD!”

1. -AFTER A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP:  “I AM UN-TIRED NOW MOM.”

1. -SHE USES THIS LINE A LOT WHEN WE HAVE DISCUSSIONS:  “I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT IN MY BED TODAY MOM, REALLY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME I WAS IN MY BED.”

1. -HER HANDS WERE COLD THE OTHER DAY:  “MY HANDS HAVE BRAIN FREEZE!”

1. -“MOM!  WHEN I GET BIG YOU CAN’T CALL ME ‘PEANUT’ OR ‘JO-JO’ ANYMORE B/C I AM GOING TO JUST BE ‘JORDAN’ MOM, AND ISN’T THAT AWESOME?”

1. -UPON SEEING A FULL MOON:  “THE MOON FOUND ALL IT’S PIECES!!!!!”

1. -OH, I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE, THIS HAPPENED RIGHT AFTER HALLOWEEN.  I WAS EXPLAINING TO JORDAN THAT ONE REASON WE PROBABLY DON’T GET A LOT OF TRICK-OR-TREATERS IS B/C WE LIVE ON A DEAD END STREET.  THE NEXT DAY SHE WANTS TO DISCUSS IT AGAIN:  “MOM, WE DIDN’T GET A LOT OF TRICK-OR-TREATERS B/C WE LIVE IN A DEAD PLACE, RIGHT MOM?”

1. -WAS USING HER FINGERS TO COUNT SOMETHING ONE DAY AND EXCLAIMED:  “I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE FINGERS SO I CAN’T COUNT ANY MORE.”

1. -HEARD AN ‘ANNIE LENNOX’ SONG ON THE RADIO AWHILE AGO, SHE LIKED IT AND DECIDED SHE’D REFERENCE IT TO ME A FEW DAYS LATER:  “CAN YOU PLEASE PLAY THAT ‘ANNIE LETTUCE’ SONG FOR ME?”  TOOK ME QUITE SOME TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SHE MEANT, BUT I EVENTUALLY GOT IT!

1. -ONE NIGHT WE WERE DEVOURING PIZZA AND I MUST HAVE BEEN EATING PRETTY FAST B/C SHE STOPS EATING AND SAYS:  “MOM!  YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN W/THE PIZZA AND SAVE SOME!”

1. -“MOM?  WHEN I LAUGH REALLY HARD I GET EYE TEARS”

1. -IF JORDAN WANTS ME TO MAKE UP A STORY RATHER THAN READ HER ONE SHE SAYS, “CAN YOU TELL ME A STORY FROM YOUR MOUTH, NOT FROM A BOOK?”

1. -“I’M GETTING SO MUCH BIGGER, I’M ALMOST A MOMMY TOO!”

1. -WE ARE TRYING TO TEACH JORDAN TO ASK, “CAN I BE EXCUSED” WHEN SHE’S DONE EATING.  SHE’S DOING PRETTY GOOD W/THE WHOLE THING, ONLY IT COMES OUT:  “CAN I BE CONFUSED?”

1. -WHAT I’M ABOUT TO WRITE ISN’T SOMETHING THAT JORDAN SAID, IT’S SOMETHING THAT JORDAN DID.  I SHOULD LET YOU ALL KNOW (MOST OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS) THAT I DO NOT COOK, DON’T WANT TO, DON’T CARE TO, NO INTEREST, ZERO, NADA!  LITERALLY THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS TOAST, TEA AND WARM SHIT UP.  JORDAN ON THE OTHER HAND IS CONSTANTLY ‘COOKING’ W/MIMA WHICH IS SUPER GREAT AND REALLY CUTE.  AND OF COURSE MIMA IS CONSTANTLY COOKING.  SO, MIMA WAS AWAY ON BUSINESS AND JORDAN DECIDES SHE WANTS SCRAMBLED EGGS FOR BREAKFAST.  I OF COURSE ATTEMPT TO SWAY HER TOWARDS WAFFLES (FROZEN OF COURSE) WHICH DOES NOT WORK.  THE KID WANTS SCRAMBLED EGGS AND THAT’S THAT!  I’M A TINY BIT PANICKED B/C YES, AS SAD AS IT IS TO ADMIT, I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS.  SO AGAIN I TRY AND PERSUADE MY CHILD TO THE FROZEN BREAKFAST OPTIONS AND AGAIN SHE INSISTS ON SCRAMBLED EGGS.  AND HERE’S WHERE MOMMY GETS HER HONEST ON:  “JO-JO, I KNOW YOU’RE GONNA FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT MOMMY DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS......” I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING HER TO MELT DOWN DEMANDING THE DAMN EGGS.  INSTEAD THIS IS WHAT I GOT:  “THAT’S OKAY MOM B/C I KNOW HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS AND I WILL TEACH YOU!  YOU HAVE TO GET THE EGGS & BUTTER MOM.  BUT I GET TO CRACK THE EGGS OKAY?”  AND WOULDN’T YOU FRIGGIN KNOW IT?  MY KID TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS!  SHE SAT ON THE COUNTER AND WALKED ME THRU THE WHOLE THING.  AND THEN, OH THIS WAS THE BEST PART......WHEN THE EGGS WERE ALL SCRAMBLED AND ON HER PLATE SHE SAYS TO ME:  “GOOD JOB MOMMY, I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU!”  SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  FYI:  WE HAVE HAD SCRAMBLED EGGS ABOUT 9,014 TIMES SINCE MY DAUGHTER’S IN-SERVICE!  I CAN’T STOP MAKING THEM!!!

Seems like a good note to end on.  hope you're all enjoying your winter filled w/snow & ice, school closings, school delayed openings, high heating bills, endless sick germs & maybe a few hot chocolates thrown in there just to make you smile.

Jo-Jo Goes to Big Girl School!!

The Land of Jordan has entered a new land, a new territory, a new beginning.......BIG GIRL SCHOOL!

Jordan is now a full time student at Apple Montessori.  And each time we see an apple or talk about apples she says, "just like my big girl school."

This is week 3 of the new school and so far she seems to be doing quite well.  It was a rough go for the first 2 weeks, mostly for Mommy who seems to be suffering from separation anxiety, but we are making some progress b/c now when the school says to me, "Umm, Jordan's Mommy?  You need to leave now b/c you are not a student here" I find myself listening and leaving.  (kidding, I'm now the: kiss my kid goodbye, tell her I love her, watch her go into her classroom and I walk out of the buidling, sneak around back, hide in the bushes and observe to make sure Jo-Jo is okay)....(kidding again).

It seems that Jordan has taken on a new hobby in her life:  torture Mommy emotionally and keep her up all night w/worry.  Case and point:  When I pick Jordan up from school she is RAVENOUS!  It's as if she hasn't eaten a thing all day and for those of you who know Jo-Jo, she is never actually ravenous.  So I ask Jordan if she is aware of the 'snack' (crackers) area in her classroom, to which she says no, and then I ask her if she eats any snacks or is given any snacks by the teachers b/een lunch and when I pick her up, and she says no.  So I spend an entire afternoon and evening worried out of my mind that my child is spending hours w/out something to eat.  I don't sleep that night and I can't wait to get to school to ask her teacher about this and to find out why my child is not aware of the 'snack' area.  So I start to explain to the teacher how maybe Jordan needs to be shown the 'snack' area b/c she is so hungry when I pick her up.  And this is exactly what the teacher said to me AFTER she stopped laughing:  "I have never in my entire life seen any other child eat as many crackers as your child does.  So yes, she is very aware of the snack area."  Mommy has been played.  SUCKER!

Another torture Mommy situation was when I asked her what she talks about @ lunch w/her new friends and Jordan proceeds to go into this long explanation of how they are not allowed to talk during lunch b/c those are the rules.  WHAT?  And once again I spent an entire afternoon & evening worried, concerned and lost another night's sleep anticipating my talk w/Jordan's teacher.  Get to school, start to explain the story and after Jordan's teacher is done giggling she says, "The kids can absolutely talk.  We try to keep their conversations at a calm level during lunch so they actually eat their lunches but when it's time for their dessert they can be as silly and wound up as they'd like."  Mommy has been played yet again.  SUKCER!

Jordan has had some concerns and requests about her new big girl school.  She is somewhat aware of the much longer days that she is spending there and has said to me, "Mom, school is too many hours, I think you should tell my teacher it should only be 5 weeks."  (5 weeks seems to be Jordan's new 'time')  She has also said to me, "Mom, can you ask my teacher if she can cancel school for tomorrow b/c I just don't want to go outside."  (Jordan is having a little issue w/the first of two outside play ground times.  She claims there are too many kids out there, but when I asked her teacher about this I was told Jordan runs around like crazy outside and seems to be having a blast.......Mommy being played again?)  Jordan wanted to know why her new big girl school is called Apple Montessori and not Banana Montessori......?  Good friggin question right?

There are 3 teachers in Jordan's classroom.  The 'main' teacher, the one she is VERY attached to, her name is Miss Ruchalski but if you ask Jo-Jo her teacher's name you will hear:  "Miss MAHchalski".  The other 2 are teachers aides.  One is a tall 'older' woman w/super gray hair, her name is Mrs. Evans.  The other one is a young woman who is Miss Sheppard and next to Mrs. Evans appears to be quite shorter.  Jordan is having a hard time remembering their names so she refers to them as, "The one w/the white hair who is really tall" and "the short little one".

We are finally learning some of the kids names in Jo-Jo's class.  She seems to be very found of the younger kids in her class, there are 3 younger ones and Miss Ruchalkski tells me that Jordan likes to take care of them.  There is one boy in her class who is the same age as Jordan and his name is Elijah.  Elijah is a very cute kid who happens to have long hair.  So when I talk to Jordan about Elijah I of course refer to Elijah as, "You know who I'm taking about, that boy Elijah?  The one w/the long hair?" and Jordan IMMEDIATELY stops me and says, "Mom.  Elijah is a GIRL.  She is not a boy, she is a GIRL.  Stop saying she is a boy b/c she is not a boy, she is a GIRL b/c when she laughs she has a really pretty GIRL face. Next time you come to my class you have to see her laugh, okay Mom?"  OMG - Elijah is NOT a girl, Elijah is a boy but Jordan will not listen to reason and insists Elijah is a girl.  So now we refer to Elijah as 'the girl who has the pretty face when she laughs."

Enough about school.....let's talk about how I think Jordan is so super funny and silly and how I had no clue she was going to start talking like me!

The other day we were trying to get ready to leave the house and I was in super hyper get-out-of-the-house mode.  Jordan says, "Mom.  Here's the deal:  first I will brush my teeth and then I will brush my hair.  Ok?  That's the deal Mom."  (love that!)

Mima wanted me to do something, totally forget what it was, and Jordan turns around and says, "Mima.  That is not Mommy's thing so stop asking her to do that."  (love that too!)

Jordan missed her 2nd ballet/tap class b/c we were away in Maine so I was explaining to her how we are going to take a make-up class b/c we missed our regular class.  And this is what I hear from the back seat of the car....."YIPEE!!!!  Oh Mommy!  I get to put on make up at my make-up class????  Oh yay Mommy!"  (so funny!)

Sometimes it takes Jo-Jo a little while to finish telling me a story and sometimes I interrupt her attempting to help her along w/her story.  This never fully works the way I intend it to b/c it always ends with:  "Mommy!  You messed up my talking!  And I wasn't done w/my words!"

One day we were hanging w/Chase & his brother Myles (who is 1).  Myles spit up so Jordan comes running to me to let me know that "something came out of Myles's mouth" so I say, "Oh, did Myles spit up Jo-Jo?" and she says, "No Mom.  Myles just spit down" b/c it was on the floor and floors are not up........clever right?

Jordan hasn't quite grasped the concept of not interrupting when I'm talking.  So I continuously attempt to explain to her the "excuse me Mom" thing but it never really gets into her brain b/c by the time I'm doing the explanation of this she is so upset w/me and says, "You are not listening to my words Mom.  Listen to my words."  (oh boy)

Her new favorite thing (which I now realize I say all the time) is the "or what?"  Like the other day we were slow in getting her out of the car and she says, "Are we getting out of the car or what?"  (trouble for sure)

There seems to be a large interest in Heaven and how to get there.  Jordan is convinced you have to take an airplane to get to Heaven.  And she wanted to know if the people in Heaven were eating Chinese food at the same time that we were eating Chinese food.

She wanted to know if Aunt Christy and Uncle Jeff were going to have honey on their honeymoon.  And is the moon sticky if there is honey on the honeymoon?

We had a few weeks of reading "The Giving Tree" over and over again.  Everyone know about this book?  Tree gives this boy everything to make the boy happy:  apples to sell to make money, branches to build a house, etc.  So, the dry cleaner we used went out of business and Jordan wanted to know why.  I explained how they were not making any money and they needed to close their store b/c of that.  So Jordan says:  "Mom!!!!  I've got a great idea!  Next time we see the dry cleaning people we can tell them to climb a tree, get all the apples and sell them and then they can make money and open the store up!  Is that a good idea Mom?????"  (best idea ever Jo-Jo!)

Jordan wants in on the Volkswagon game.  The one everyone in country plays, you know, when you say:  "RED ONE" if you see a red VW.......so we now play this game in the car but she seems to think every single car we pass is a VW:  "Black one!'  "Green one!"  "White one!"  "Mom, is that a VW?"  "Blue one!"  (trying to teach her the 'punch buggy' VW game, not going over so big)

This morning when Jordan woke up she had a little scratchy 'morning voice' so she says to me, "Mom, I think I'm getting a new mouth b/c my voice is a little different so that means I'm getting a new mouth."  (okey dokey)

And for now, that is all I have from The Land of Jordan.  More to come for sure as Jo-Jo gets even more settled into her new school!