Patches And Their Placement......

This whole Girl Scout thing is pretty new & foreign to me.

I vaguely remember my Mom making me (yes, against my will) become a Girl Scout only to have the troop leader lady politely, through gritted teeth, tell my Mom that I was no longer welcome at any other meetings.  I can't be sure of what exactly happened to cause my immediate exit from the Girl Scouts but I'm sure it had to do with me refusing to wear something green & girlie & called a 'sash'. 

Fast forward a few years (no reason to add a number here...just fast forward) & I find myself back in the land of Girl Scouts. 

Last year JoJo was a Daisy.  She didn't start in the group right from the beginning of the school year so we were a bit late entering.  I was given the list of items I needed to purchase for JoJo from the Girl Scout store.  On my way there I had this awesome idea that I was going to purchase Girl Scout cookies as a surprise for JoJo but I was unaware that the Girl Scout store isn't the magical land of cookies I had dreamt it up to be in my mind.  There were no cookies to be had b/c it wasn't Girl Scout cookie season.  The very serious, very stern woman behind the register who has been a Girl Scout for 97 years did NOT find me funny in any way when I suggested that just maybe she had a box or two hidden in the back storeroom.

 

Anyway, I purchased all the items needed for JoJo to attend her Daisy meetings & headed home to tackle the patches & their placement.

 

I printed out the picture of the Daisy vest thingy so that I could make sure I placed the correct patches in their correct places.  My OCD kicked in big time & what should have taken me 20 minutes wound up taking me 2 hours b/c it had to be JUST right! 

Anyway, when all was said & done I was super stoked & proud of myself!  The vest thingy was done & it looked awesome!

 

Let's fast forward again shall we?  This time we are fast forwarding to JoJo's first Daisy meeting.  I walk in to pick her up & the troop leaders along with some of the moms start cracking up at me & busting on me.  Yeah, I was just as confused as you are......what could possibly be so funny?  I look around at all the other girl's vest things & they look very different from JoJo's & then I realize why:  they only have a few of the pedals ironed onto their vest thingy b/c they have not completed all the Daisy patch earning projects yet, hence only a few pedals on each vest.  And here comes JoJo, new kid on the block, all cool w/her swagger sporting A VEST THINGY FULL OF FRIGGIN PEDALS!!!!  JoJo's first meeting & I have her all patched up!  No wonder JoJo refused to wear the vest thingy after this.  But nobody kicked her out for that!

 

And that brings me up to now.  JoJo is beginning this year as a Brownie.  She's starting from the beginning so we are not the new kids on the block this year & we have the same instructions as everyone else so if there's "over patching" it's not my fault this time.

 

Head back to the non-cookie selling Girl Scout store to purchase yet another list of patches & pins & a new vest.

 

Last night I decided to tackle the new Brownie vest.

 

I once again had a picture in hand of the placement for patches & pins.  This whole Brownie thing is way easier than the Daisy thing b/c Brownies don't have pedals, it's a Brownie.  But what does that mean exactly?  Is it a brownie you eat?  There wasn't a brownie looking patch I had to buy.  Are they called Brownies b/c the vest is brown?  I have questions dammit!

Anyway, picture in hand, instructions from troop leader on what to transfer over from last year's Daisy vest thingy to this year's Brownie vest.  All good.  That is, until I reach into the pocket of the Daisy vest thingy & come across JoJo's '100+' patch for selling over a 100 boxes of those cookies last year & her cookie patch & another patch for doing something really good (can't be sure what she did that was really good but I'm sure it was really good!) 

 

And now I'm holding these patches in my hand & I say to Ash (Ashley, gf):  "what am I supposed to do with these?"  She tells me that they are supposed to go on JoJo's Daisy vest thingy.  Of course my response is:  "JoJo's not going to wear this anymore, she's graduated, she did that bridge thing, or in her case, she walked across wooden pallets nailed together to look like a bridge."

 

I go on to explain to Ash how back in the day when I was playing traveling soccer, we used to put ALL our patches on our jacket & show them off proudly so why can't I put all of JoJo's patches on her Brownie vest to show them off proudly???  The 2nd look of horror on Ash's face pretty much told me that I was not supposed to do this but I couldn't let it go.  So I went on to explain my reasoning:  proud mom, proud kid.  What if I just ironed them onto the back of the Brownie vest?  Again, another look of horror followed by "You can go right ahead & do that but just be prepared for this vest to remain hanging b/c JoJo won't wear it if you do that." 

 

I hate when she's right.

 

But I still feel strongly about the whole proud patch placement thing!

 

Maybe I should just put the patches on my winter vest b/c really when you break it down:  I'm the one who sold those '100+' boxes of cookies!

 

 

And We're Back.........

Yup, that's right!  We are back!!!!

It would take me a LONG time to fill you in on JoJo's life since our last post (many moons ago), but you will eventually tune me out AND my attention span will eventually tune YOU out! 

So let's just start this off w/some thoughts that have been jiggling around in my brain.

One thought or observation is this:  when did the tooth fairy gain Santa Claus status? 

I'm not kidding.  Have you not noticed this?

A few days before JoJo lost her 6th tooth we had this exact conversation:

J - "Mom!  When we get home I have to make a list for the tooth fairy!!"
Me - "A list?  A list of what?  A list of how many ways you can tell the tooth fairy you love her?"
J - (in the ultimate DUH tone) "No Mom.......a list of all the things I want the tooth fairy to bring for me."
Me - "What the (I caught myself before the bad word slipped & I'd be owing JoJo a dollar), what do you mean ALL the things you want?  The tooth fairy is not Santa Claus JoJo.  The tooth fairy doesn't operate off a list.  The tooth fairy flies into your room, grabs your tooth, leaves you cash & flies off to the next toothless kid's room."
J - "Well that's not very fair Mom.  My friends got presents from the tooth fairy when they lost their teeth."
Me - "Well then your friends were duped dude b/c they didn't get cash.  What's the market value of those toys they received?  That was not the tooth fairy who brought them presents, that was an imposter pretending to be the tooth fairy b/c the tooth fairy is this little tiny fairy w/out a sled or reindeer, how the heck would the tooth fairy carry a list of presents?"
J - "Maybe FedEx or UPS helps the tooth fairy?"

Even the tooth fairy uses a delivery service.

The Great Baby Bunny Rescue

It’s not often that one gets to be ‘Jack Hannah’ in real life.  But JoJo and I totally got to have that experience over the last 2 days.

I’d like to keep this story short and to the point but it seems nearly impossible for me to tell ANY story in a short and quick manner b/c, well, it’s truly all about the details right?  And w/out the details it would be just another lame story about bunnies found, bunnies captured, bunnies causing great neighborhood concern, bunnies lost, bunnies found, bunnies in a garage, bunnies set free.  Right?

So, it all started on a warm and sunny evening in Pompton Lakes, NJ.  JoJo and I were out on the deck painting Mother’s Day cards.  All of a sudden a bunch of the kids from the neighborhood were running by wearing plastic wash-the-dishes gloves chasing something, trying to catch this ‘something’ which turned out to be a baby bunny.  So of course my tree hugging child and her tree hugging mommy are now full on interested in what’s going on so we ditch the painting and head towards the action.

We come around the corner and there we find neighborhood kids (4 of them) diving and running and trying their hardest to capture these little tiny baby bunnies who are running around the lawn and thru the trees as if someone sent out a screaming baby bunny emergency message that read:  “RUN!!!!!”  (and assuming the baby bunnies spoke and read English)

After many failed attempts by the neighborhood kids at captures and then successful captures and then successful escapes by the baby bunnies and back to successful captures by the neighborhood kids…..all 6 baby bunnies were in one location by a tree, huddled together in a terrified heap which to the neighborhood kids was viewed as “Awww, look how cute, they’re all snuggling to stay warm!”

And then began the neighborhood kid's intense discussion on how to keep the baby bunnies safe and away from the hawks circling above and holy shit,  where did that walking wild turkey come from?!!!!  (the kids, including JoJo, are now chasing the walking wild turkey away from the baby bunnies)

So the kids decide a rock wall surrounding the baby bunnies is the best idea to keep them safe and together.  The construction begins.  The search for the perfect rocks takes place.  I’m to watch the baby bunnies and make sure they don’t escape.  Before long there is a pretty decent rock wall formation surrounding the 6 ‘snuggling’ baby bunnies.  But something is missing according the neighborhood kids.  LETTUCE!  And CARROTS!  And GRASS!!!  The ‘leader’ neighborhood kid (Victoria) takes control and starts spewing out orders:  “Nick, get lettuce!”  “Skylar, get carrots!”  “Hannah and JoJo, grass!  We need grass and lots of it!”  Kids scatter in all directions on a major mission.  

Once the finishing touches on the baby bunnies ‘condo’ are in place the neighborhood kids, including JoJo, don’t know what to do w/themselves now that all their hard work is done so they decide they must pick up each baby bunny (against ALL my begging and reasoning and stern Mommy-insisting-voice to leave the baby bunnies alone) and as they are all holding these baby bunnies (some kids have gloves on and some don’t……JoJo being one who does not have gloves on) they decide to name the baby bunnies.  Each baby bunny is given the same name as the child holding them.  So there’s Nick, Hannah, Skylar, Victoria & JoJo.  Somehow they don’t realize that there’s another baby bunny that has not yet received a name b/c they keep picking up and putting down all the bunnies and they pretty much all look the same except for ‘Nick’ who they are convinced is the baby boy bunny b/c he’s a different color.

Then I hear ‘the leader’ yell:  “You guys, someone get a marker!  QUICK!”  And just as Skylar is taking off to run home to get a marker for ‘the leader’ I stop her and ask her why she needs a marker, to which she replies:  “Victoria is going to mark each of the bunnies so we know who is who.”

O. M. G.  Are you f’ing kidding me?

So I say, “Absolutely NOT!  You will NOT be marking these bunnies w/a marker, or a crayon or a pen or a pencil!  THESE ARE BABY BUNNIES!  This is NOT Sea World where you tag the dolphins and whales to keep track of them.  THIS IS POMPTON LAKES and these are WILD BABY BUNNIES who just happen to be born here in this neighborhood!”  Skylar turns around and heads towards Victoria and then I hear her say:  “JoJo’s mom said we can’t put marker on the baby bunnies b/c they don’t live in Sea World.”  (as I’m writing this I am dying laughing but at the time of this happening it didn’t seem so funny to me, I was kinda losing it over these little baby bunnies with the kids constantly picking them up and terrifying the baby bunnies)

You would think this saga would be done by now right?  Not even close.  It’s now time for the neighbors, adult neighbors to take over THE GREAT BABY BUNNY RESCUE!

10:30pm.  Kids are all asleep.  I text Tracey (neighbor across the street who knows EVERYONE in the development & has the BIGGEST  best mushy heart)… "Trace, totally freaked about the baby bunnies being out there alone and it’s cold.  What should we do?”  Her response:  “I f’ing hate you (meaning she loves me, or so I think, lol) b/c now all I’m thinking about are those baby bunnies and I don’t want to be worried about the baby bunnies, I f’ing hate you, meet me outside in 2 min!”  And there we are.  Outside my door, debating on what to do.  And when we are ever stuck on what to do about ANYTHING in life we turn to ‘the decision maker’ also known as Lisa, our other neighbor who happens to have THE biggest most mushy heart for animals!  Lisa never waivers on anything.  She makes a decision and that’s it.  So Tracey calls Lisa, who says, “you do realize it’s 10:30 at night don’t you?”  Somehow a decision has come down that the baby bunnies are to be moved to secure location.  And w/that decision Tracey goes into her house and immediately comes back out w/a blue laundry basket and a blanket, aka:  secure location!

Off goes Tracey……to gather the bunnies into the basket and the warmth of the blanket.  But we’ve also made a decision that they should not be left outside b/c what if the walking wild turkey comes back?  Or a bear?  And here comes Tracey, carrying the blue laundry basket full of not 6 baby bunnies wrapped in a blanket but 7 baby bunnies and Tracey is mumbling:  “F’ing hate you, can’t count, 7 baby bunnies, not 6, f’ing hate you, can’t be worrying about baby bunnies…….” 

The 7 baby bunnies are now being stored in Tracey’s garage……but of course I kick into ‘mom mode’ and think about Tracey pulling her car out of her garage in the morning to go to work and what if one of the baby bunnies has escaped the blue laundry basket and she doesn’t know it or see it and moves her car?  “Trace!  Wait!  You have to pull your car out tonight!  (as I tell her my ‘mom mode’ worry thought)  And there she goes, in the house to get her car keys, again mumbling “F’ing hate you, can’t believe it’s 11:30pm and I’m doing this, f’ing hate you, can’t be worrying about baby bunnies”.  Now the car is in the driveway, the bunnies are safe in the ‘secure location’ and we say good night…….until Tracey who “can’t be worrying about baby bunnies” has taken to the computer and is searching everywhere for info on what to do for wild baby bunnies.  She learns  that the mommy bunny comes back at night to feed her baby bunnies.  And here she goes, again, outside, 12:15am, carrying the blue laundry basket back to the rock formation area, mumbling:  “f’ing hate you, baby bunnies in, baby bunnies out, move my car, can’t count, not 6 but 7, f’ing hate you, can’t be worrying about baby bunnies” and she leaves the baby bunnies in the blue laundry basket on it’s side so the mommy bunny can get to the babies (if she comes back) to feed them.  Everyone goes to bed.

Next day……JoJo is up and jonesing to check on the baby bunnies.  I tell her the whole blue laundry basket story and as we look out our window we can see the blue laundry basket right where the rock wall formation is.  If you ever want to get to work on time or get your kid to school on time or just get out of the house super quick.........place 7 baby bunnies in a blue laundry basket outside and tell your kids about it!  There was no whining this morning, there was no dragging of the feet, there was no dreading of the hair brushing!  There was only one mission and that was to get out of the house FAST so she could see the 7 baby bunnies.

Of course there was a gathering of neighborhood kids around the blue laundry basket b/c every parent in my development had an easy morning w/their kids on this day.  And of course every kid had a baby bunny in their hand.  I tried to explain that the baby bunnies are afraid and we should just leave them alone.  It was as if I was speaking an entirely different language that none of them had ever heard before b/c as I'm saying this they are AGREEING w/me and nodding their heads 'yes' but yet they STILL held onto the baby bunnies.  They were on a baby bunny high and had I stayed there one minute longer I would have surely gotten a contact baby bunny high!!!  So off we went to work and school w/tales of 7 baby bunnies!

JoJo and I didn't get home until 7pm that night.  There was no need to wonder if anyone was by the baby bunnies b/c you could see a crowd gathered around the blue laundry basket.  I didn't turn at my street, no point, there were baby bunnies to see!  We get out of the car and of course the neighborhood kids are all there, each w/a baby bunny in their hand.  So we ask how they made out and we're told that baby bunny Nick got away!  Apparently he made a break for it and wound up under "that mean lady's deck!"  I have no idea who the mean lady is until they take me to the deck baby bunny Nick is supposed to be under and it turns out 'the mean lady' is actually my neighbor Sandy and she's not mean at all!  She's so friggin nice!  Sandy wants what's best for the baby bunnies which is to leave them alone so that's what she told the kids and now she's earned herself the reputation as 'the mean lady'..........This new rep of hers may affect the amount of Halloween visits she has this year!!

So, we are down to 6 baby bunnies, a blue laundry basket, a crowd of neighborhood kids, a few parents and some circling hawks.  The discussion turns to what should we do w/the baby bunnies tonight b/c it's supposed to rain and rain big time!  One suggestion thrown out was we each take a baby bunny home but that suggestion started the kids arguing about who gets to take the extra baby bunny home since it was the 5 original baby bunny rescuers (the kids) and 6 baby bunnies.  Another suggestion was build walls around the blue laundry basket but nobody had any wood and there was no way I was attempting to build a 'house' at 7:20pm!  Someone suggested plastic over the blue laundry basket.  Someone (I'm pretty sure it was JoJo) suggested we give each baby bunny a rain coat.  I took one look at my kid who was covered from head to toe in 'park' (amazing play date at the park today) and was in dire need of a shower so I just said "JoJo and I will take the 7 baby bunnies and they can stay in our garage tonight so they are safe and protected from the impending rain storm."  You'd have thought I had just conquered world peace w/the reactions of the kids and the parents!  But now the kids were all fighting over who got to carry the blue basket of baby bunnies to my car so I suggested they all grab the basket together and carry it together to JoJo's house (literally around the corner) and that I would take the car and meet them there.  Why I did not have any of this recorded on video is beyond me!  I'm gonna blame the contact baby bunny high for this.  You should have seen how adorable these 5 kids looked carrying the blue basket around the corner being so careful and working together as a team!!!  It was awesome!  They place the blue basket in the garage, I leave my car out in the driveway just to be safe and all the kids say good night to the 6 remaining baby bunnies.  As JoJo and I are coming out of the garage, there's Tracey on her porch asking what we are doing.  So we explain to her about keeping them safe and warm and protected.  She (Tracey) stands up and says:  "I woke up this morning and I have washed my hands of the baby bunnies!  I am over it and I refuse to be concerned any longer!"  (Did she really think she was fooling us w/the whole hand washing thing?  This coming from the woman who was out at 12:15am carrying the blue basket of baby bunnies back and forth thru the neighborhood????)

And now it's night time, the 3 neighbors (me, Lisa & Tracey) are outside discussing the baby bunnies and what I should be feeding them.  Lisa went to the pet store and got 'hay' b/c she read that's what they eat at this age......oh and Romaine lettuce.  Not iceberg, just Romaine.  So Tracey throws down from her porch this lettuce mix for me to dig thru to find the Romaine.  Took my 'salad' and gave it to the baby bunnies along w/water and called it a night.

4:40am........."Mom?  I can't sleep.  I keep thinking about the baby bunnies."  Grrrrrrrrrrr.  "Come sleep w/me JoJo, it's WAY too early to be up."  4:55am......"Mom?  I hear the birds chirping and I can't sleep."   Grrrrrrr.  "JoJo honey, go in your room please and try and sleep."  5:10am......."Mom?  I have to pee okay?"  Grrrrrrrrrrr.  "All good JoJo, you pee, I'm up!"

After showering and getting dressed, beds made we head downstairs to the garage.  JoJo and I make a deal:  if the baby bunnies are all in the blue laundry basket then we'll keep them another day.  If any of the baby bunnies are out of the blue laundry basket then we will set them free today even though it's pouring rain outside.  Deal.  (we shook on it)

Enter the garage.....approach blue basket and take a head count, or in this case a tail count:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5.........5..........5.........ONE IS MISSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Quick search of the garage and we don't see anything but at this point I don't have time to move stuff around looking for the missing baby bunny.  We have to do breakfast, homework, lunches........and once all that is done we prepare ourselves to transport the baby bunnies to a new location off site of our development.

As I'm loading up the car w/the 42 non-baby bunny items I have in my hands (and it's pouring out so now I'm soaked b/c the car is not in the garage due to the overnight guests) I hear JoJo:  "MOM!!!  I FOUND THE MISSING BABY BUNNY!!!" as she's lying on the garage floor in her newly washed uniform......but then in 3 seconds I too am lying on the garage floor in my newly washed clothes and sure enough JoJo has found the little missing baby bunny in the corner of the garage behind 'stuff'.  We manage to get the little dude out, this one is quick and fun but I'm able to catch the baby bunny and load it into the blue basket w/the others.  6 baby bunnies are accounted for.

JoJo and I decide that we will take the baby bunnies down off our 'mountain' that we live on and go into a very wooded area at the bottom.  But before we can set them free we say our goodbyes and tell them we love them.  I find what I think is the perfect spot for them.  Pouring rain, did I mention this?  Here I am, soaked, carrying the blue laundry basket over to this rock that has this 'tunnel' under it and I one by one lift each baby bunny out of the basket and show it to JoJo (she's in the car b/c, did I mention that it's POURING?) and each baby bunny immediately heads toward the tunnel except for "Hoppy".  That's my name for the one who got out in the garage, he decides to hop in a different direction.  I get to the last baby bunny and as I'm picking it up I realize it's leg is hurt.  My heart is breaking......but I put it down and it hops towards the tunnel.  Oh, and I took all the remaining hay and spread it out right at the rock so they would have something to eat.

Back in the car, soaked, empty blue laundry basket, and off to school we go.  As we drive to school I tell JoJo how proud I am of her and how compassionate she is and that together she and the neighborhood kids did a good thing in trying to help these baby bunnies but in the end they are in fact wild animals so us setting them free was the right thing to do.  We decided we both want to work at a zoo together!

And that.......is............NOT the end of my story!  OMG!  I totally thought this was done.  

As I'm driving home today (my non-JoJo day) I realize I'm dreading seeing the neighborhood kids b/c I know how bummed they're going to be when they find out we set them free and I also know they are going to be circling my house like those hawks waiting for me to come home.  But I suck it up and when I don't see any kids as I pull up to my place I immediately park in the garage, shut the door, fall to the floor and crawl thru my house, never turn a light on and live like this for the night in hopes they don't come knocking.  KIDDING!  They eventually do come knocking with one of their moms and I go outside and explain the whole thing to them.  They took it pretty well and one of them even asked if JoJo was sad about it.  So I spend a good amount of time talking to them (probably this is where I went wrong) and they wind up asking me where I set the baby bunnies free.  Now, I have rehearsed in my head all day how I was NOT going to tell them where we set the baby bunnies free.  What's the first thing I do when asked that question?  Completely cave and tell them the 'general' location of where we did it thinking there is no f'ing way they will EVER find that rock, EVER.  (mind you, I completely forgot that I spread a barn yard of hay in front of the rock, DUH)  I say bye to them and tell them JoJo will be here Friday and she's surely gonna be looking for them.  And off they go.

45 minutes later:  "STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY!  JOJO'S MOM  JOJO'S MOM  JOJO'S MOM!"  Screaming!  The kids and the mom.  All screaming for me.  They are at my back door carrying a cat carrier.........R U KIDDING ME?????????

Yup, they found the baby bunnies, still in that tunnel under that rock (Thanks to the bushel of friggin hay I displayed in front of the rock!  Might as well have been a huge NEON sign w/an arrow pointing down that said:  BABY BUNNIES HERE).  They found 5, one was missing but when I looked in the carrier I realized it was the one w/the hurt leg that was missing so I told them they had to go back!  They couldn't leave one behind!!!  As we are having the missing baby bunny discussion, Nick the human is frantically searching under mine and Sandy's deck for Nick the baby bunny!!!  I insist he use a flash light, which I immediately give to him and sure enough Nick the human finds Nick the baby bunny!!!  But Nick the baby bunny doesn't want to be caught, obviously, and he takes off.  I am now watching 4 neighborhood kids and one mom chase this tiny little baby bunny all over the place!  It's almost as if Nick the baby bunny knows that if he makes a quick turn and then runs back towards where he was that the idiot running neighbors will run into one another b/c that nearly happened 5 times!!!  Nick the baby bunny is finally captured and placed in the cat carrier w/the others.  

Somehow everyone is convinced that Nick the human is going to be allowed to keep these baby bunnies and off they all go for the night.  Or so I thought.

In the meantime I send Tracey and Lisa a text letting them know that I'm a moron and I suck and how I gave up too much info and quickly explained the capturing of the baby bunnies.  

"STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY!!!!"  And I'm back out on the deck.  "Can you keep the baby bunnies here on your deck for a few minutes b/c we're all going back to the rock to find the missing baby bunny w/your flash light ok?"  And here I am, on my deck, holding a cat carrier full of baby bunnies.  The search and rescue team are back w/in a few minutes w/the injured baby bunny who they have named "Twitch" b/c apparently he has a little twitch.  (Can't be sure when they saw said twitch, but okay).

And off they go w/the cat carrier......baby bunnies captured yet again.  As for me, I'm trying to let it all go b/c I feel like a tool for sending them in the right direction of where we set them free but I couldn't lie.  So here I am, writing this story at my dining room table, hoping to FINALLY be done w/this saga when I hear once more:  "STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY!"  And I'm on the deck again.  The neighborhood kids are begging me to keep the baby bunnies (in the carrier) on my deck overnight.  "Um, guys?  What happened to Nick's garage?"  Apparently nobody cleared this w/Nick's parents who instantly said NO!  And the other two girls standing there said their parents said the SAME thing, AND one of those girls is the daughter of the mom who was here all day running around capturing baby bunnies!  WTF?  Turns out it's the dad who refuses.  "Please Stacey, please.......??????"  As I'm staring into the cat carrier (which btw, is blue like the laundry basket) and my heart is melting.  Damn these kids are good!  So I cave.  But I cave w/a time limit!  "Here's the deal guys:  the baby bunnies can stay here on my deck until FRIDAY."  And they say, "What happens Friday?"  My response is: "Friday we set them free.  BUT, we set them free TOGETHER.  All of us.  The 4 of you and me and JoJo.  JoJo MUST be involved in this otherwise I will not have the baby bunnies here on the deck!  Got it?"  And they are totally on board.  And I'm a total sap!  As they're walking away Skylar turns around and says, "Stacey?  You won't set them free tomorrow will you?"  And I promised I would not.

End of story right?  Nope.

"STACEY STACEY STACEY STACEY!!!"  There's Skylar outside my deck.  "My parents said I can keep the baby bunnies until Saturday morning and then we have to set them free."  I hand over the cat carrier to Skylar, we make a plan that on Saturday we will all together set the baby bunnies free w/JoJo.  And once again, there go the well traveled baby bunnies.

Lessons learned from this:

 - Don't paint outside on your deck

 - Call the police IMMEDIATELY upon seeing any neighborhood kids

 - Buy less hay

 - Find out if laundry baskets and cat carries come in any other colors

 - Stop pretending you're Jack Hannah b/c you're not

 - Maybe listen to Tracey & Lisa once in awhile, they tend to be right

 - Put your house up for sale and move to the city where there are only dogs

 - Make sure one of the baby bunnies gets your name next time.  So unfair!

Nutty Nutcracker......

I felt a strong desire to write about what happened in "The Land of Jordan" today.

For nearly my entire childhood my Mom dragged (well, she dragged me but happily took my sister) to see The Nutcracker every year.  I'm sure for the first Nutcracker performance I must have been excited to see it.  But I quickly caught on that seeing The Nutcracker meant I had to get dressed up and for my Mom, getting dressed up meant you wore a dress.  OMG really?  A dress?  Me?  Have you met me?  Wearing a dress is equivalent to having teeth pulled w/OUT any drugs to numb you!!!  Not to mention that this particular 'play' is really boring.  Nobody speaks!  Nobody sings.  And I could never stop looking at the guys 'packages' b/c those tights are....well, quite tight!  How can you NOT look?

Fast forward a bunch of years.  My Mom hasn't 'dragged' me to this play in quite awhile but I realized that it's actually one of my favorite things she did w/us b/c it's a tradition and I love that I could tell JoJo all about our tradition.  And that's when I had the clever idea that I should pick the tradition back up and take JoJo every year to see the play where nobody speaks, nobody sings and I'm still strangely fascinated by the packages of the male dancers.

And today was the day to begin our tradition.  Today I took JoJo to see The Nutcracker.  Just us, a Mommy/JoJo day.

Unlike me, JoJo was THRILLED to get dressed up and I mean THRILLED!  Long blue velvety (is that a word) dress w/these adorable tights and red boots.  My kid was stylin!  And so was every other little girl there to see this show.  It's like a BIG dress up party for little girls.

Show starts, all is good.  JoJo is VERY interested and has lots of questions as to who's who and what's going on, b/c remember:  nobody speaks.  And I can't zone out and pretend I'm watching b/c she's firing questions at me left and right so I have to pay close attention to make sure I give her the correct answer/info......that is until the end, but we'll get there in a minute.

Now it's "halftime" and all is still okay in The Land of Jordan.  I have packed snacks, which she is devouring.  She has questions about what's to come in the show so I read that little program thing (playbill) and give her a quick rundown of what dances are coming up.  Lights blink......2nd half is about to start.

3 minutes into the 2nd half JoJo says, "Mom, how can they hold their 'talk' for so long?"  Good question kid cause I'm thinking if they let their 'talk' out this show would jump up a few notches in the excitement category.

12 minutes into the 2nd half, not only is JoJo getting fidgety but majority of the kids in the theatre are getting a bit antsy and I'm absolutely one of them!  It is impossible not to zone out.  And then the questions start:  "When are they going to be done w/this dance?  What's the next dance?  What happens next?  Can I have more pretzels?  Why are they still dancing?"

There is this one part of the show where this guy and girl pretty much spend a long time on stage dancing.  They start out dancing together.  Then the girl dances alone.  Then the boy dances alone.  Then they dance together again.  Then the girl dances alone.  Then the guy dances alone.  At this point JoJo is about over it (I'm way beyond over it) and she says to me "Mom, how come he's still on the stage?" and w/out thinking I bust out a smart ass remark and say "I don't know, maybe he's a stage hog?" and JoJo ERUPTS and I am NOT exaggerating, she ERUPTS into a fit of laughter and this theatre is COMPLETELY silent other than the orchestra playing their gig.  And of course when you know you should not be laughing you can't stop and it becomes impossible to control it.  I literally had my hand over JoJo's mouth as the two of us were cracking up about the dude being a stage hog.  THAT was highlight of the show where nobody speaks and nobody sings and guys show off their packages.

Now we are nearing the end of the show, except I am convinced it's not the end of the show.  Somehow, at some point in my life, maybe during one of the many Nutcracker shows I've been to, I have drummed up a completely different ending in my mind.  And I was so convinced of this ending that it actually felt real in my head!  I even told JoJo to stay seated b/c there was no way the play was about to end even though the house lights came on and everyone around had their coats on and were heading towards the door.  Damn, I hate when I swear I'm right and I'm completely wrong!

Who's seen this show?  It just kinda ends.  There's no wrap up of what happens when the girl wakes up from her dream.  However, in my 'real' mind there is and it goes like this:  she wakes up, goes to the Nutcracker which has been broken from the day before and when she picks the nutcracker up he's miraculously fixed!  Happy ending, so-to-speak.  I was so convinced that this takes place.  We had to call my Mom for confirmation on this.  She laughed at me which meant I clearly made it up.  Must have been during one of those zoned out performances where nobody speaks and nobody sings and the men have ridiculous packages.

I'm gonna have to think about if this is a tradition I want my kid to suffer through.

The Return of JoJo!

Guess who's back?  Guess who's 6 years old?  Guess who's parents got divorced?  But guess who's doing awesome w/the whole change and transition and loving life?  JoJo!  That's who!

Jordan had an incredibly eventful year and man is she a trooper.  She continues to amaze me and blow me away w/the way she has adapted to such a huge change in her life.  I am absolutely going to take some of the credit for her happiness and the transition going so well b/c I worked my ASS off making sure she was prepared and knew everything up front and constantly checked in w/her to talk about any concerns/fears she may have had.  And of course in the end two happy homes are way better than one miserable one!!

So, like in the past, I have kept an on going list of things JoJo has said which I find hilarious and entertaining and I am now going to share them w/you.  This list is probably going to be VERY long seeing how it's been FOREVER since my last post....and some of these things happened last year but hopefully you will enjoy them just the same!

Here we go:

"Mom, Jaden got bit by a shark."  "No he didn't JoJo."  "Yes he did Mom."  "Jordan, he's faking it."  "No Mom, he's not faking it b/c Jaden is 6 years old and that means he knows."

One VERY hot summer day, 105 outside, pull up to the house and the leaves on the plants are all drooping:  "Mom!  The leaves on those plants are just like your boobs:  DROOPY!"

"The sun is over Asia and NJ.  That's it Mom, Asia and NJ are the two places where the sun is."

"My poop is on vacation Mom, that's why I'm not pooping so you can stop asking me now."

Jordan still to this day calls oatmeal:  "opameal" and I refuse to correct her b/c it's THAT cute.

Instead of saying 'every other' Jordan still says "either other".

Something happened and she turns to me w/her hands up and says, "It's freaking me out Mom!"

One day we were driving somewhere (one of our many adventures I'm sure) and I had a bag of Skittles w/me.  JoJo did something that warranted a 'driving time out' which basically meant she wasn't getting any Skittles and man did she want those Skittles.  I told her when/if she calmed down I would give her a few Skittles.  Naturally she calmed down w/in 3 seconds but quickly became annoyed when I wouldn't let her hold the bag.  I explained that she was not going to be holding the bag, that I would hand her a few at a time and that I needed her to sit there and think about how her actions & attitude affected others (me).....so my smart ass kid says:  "How about this Mom:  you give me the bag to hold and then I will sit here and think about my actions and attitude.  Is that a good idea Mom?"

She told me one day:  "you need to buy 'teacher' band aids b/c they don't stick like 'mommy' band aids do."

We go thru phases of talking about death and heaven.  This subject is fascinating to her.  So she says, "I want my skin to stay w/me when I go to heaven.  And I don't want to be in the ground.  Who do I send a message to at the cemetery so they will know?"

"There's a seed in my vagina Mom.  Everybody has this seed and it doesn't ever come out.  Sometimes my seed itches."

Instead of saying hearing aid JoJo says "earring aid".

One day JoJo's teacher told me she was extremely mushy and very attached to her that day, was wondering if everything was okay.  So we get in the car and I'm asking JoJo if she's okay, anything she wants to talk about, how come you were so mushy w/your teacher.......and she says:  "Mom, Miss Ruchalski's sweater was so soft and snuggly I just wanted to be wrapped in it all day!"

I pissed Jordan off one day and she turns to me and says, "I'm telling on you!"

"Mom, I'm going to marry a boy so I can have a baby.  If I marry a girl then we won't know who will have the baby."  "You know JoJo if you marry a girl you both can have a baby."  "I know Mom but if I marry a boy he can't have a baby b/c he's not a seahorse and remember we learned that the only boy who can have a baby is a boy seahorse?"

"My body told me it was time to wake up."  (6:30am)  "Great JoJo, but Mommy's body didn't tell her it was time to wake up, you did."

Jordan is also fascinated w/me being adopted and recently asked:  "Mom, what ladies belly were you in and how did Bubby & Pop-Pop find you in there?"

Last year Jordan's Uncle Wally died, which is really what started the interest in the subject of dying.  This conversation I'm about to tell you was not something I thought I'd have w/my then 5 year old:  "Mom, is Uncle Wally in a graveyard?"  "No honey he is not."  "Then where is he?"  And keeping w/the never lying to my child rule:  "Well honey there's this thing called cremation for people who don't want to be buried in the ground.  They put your body in a box and well, they basically burn your body and the box and then they give someone in your family the ashes of the person who was cremated."  She says, "How do you get in the fire?"  "There are people that work there who know what they are doing and they take care of putting the box in the fire."  Then she wanted to know if I wanted to be cremated, "Yes JoJo I do."  And she thinks on this for a little bit and then says, "I'm just not sure what I want to do Mom, I need to think about this, ok?"  A few days later we drive past a cemetery and she says, "Mom, Uncle Wally is not in there do you know why?"  "Why JoJo?"  "Because he got fired Mom."

Driving home one day I'm all chatty w/JoJo and she says, "I want you to stop talking now Mom, I'm really tired."  SERVED by my kid!

I was so thirsty one day so smarty pants says to me "You have to drink water to hydrate Mom."  How does she know this??????

"Jordan, you want to take a bath tonite?"  "I don't know Mom, do YOU want me to take a bath tonite?"

"I'm gonna be on TV Mommy cause I'm gonna be famous!"  "I want to be on TV too JoJo!!"  "Oh you will Mom, b/c you will be in the audience watching me."

"When you're in heaven do they have band aids in case you get a boo-boo?"  "And is the hospital above heaven, like in outer space?"

Jordan has taken on saying 'no worries' if something goes wrong.

One day I said to Jordan how I wished I could spend every minute of every day w/her and my level headed child says, "You have to marry Mima again if you want to spend every second w/me."  Damn she's smart.

Instead of keeping her eyes peeled, she keeps her "eyes pierced".

She calls baptism "bathtism" which is kinda right cause don't they dunk your head w/water?

"Why are there spiders in this world?  I would like for spiders to go away please!"  Apparently JoJo has my fear of spiders.....I tried so hard to not let this happen!

JoJo's friend's parents celebrate Ramadan and JoJo is very curious about this.  "Mom, if Nancy eats the tiniest teensiest little thing will she get in trouble?"  "By who JoJo?  Who will she get in trouble by?"  "By Santa Mom, duh!  Will Santa only give her coal b/c she ate the tiniest little thing?"  Then she says, "Good thing we're not that religion Mom cause that whole fasting thing.......I don't know about that!"

A friend of Jordan's was working her last nerve one day and so we were talking about it afterwards and I said, "He knows how to push your buttons" and she says, "But I don't have any buttons."

We saw a bunch of JoJo's friends from when she went to school at the Y which was a few years ago and she says to me, "Mom, those are my Y friends from way way way way back in the day."

And finally the last thing I have written down to share w/you all is this:  Jordan and I were about to play a board game called Spuzzle.  Right before we were going to play I was holding her and giving her TONS and TONS and TONS of kisses all over her face and she says to me:  "I prefer the kisses over Spuzzle!"  Me too JoJo, me too!!!!

Wow, it feels good to be back in The Land of Jordan!!!

Hope you all enjoyed this long overdue update.......I shall try my best to continue w/the posts.......