THE LAND OF JORDAN

Jo-Jo Tidbits........

2011-07-14T22:33:00.002-04:00

The Land of Jordan has returned! I'm not even sure why it ever took a break, but here we are again....together, enjoying the ride of Jo-Jo and her wonderful views on her little 4 1/2 year old life!

Let's catch up shall we? Jordan is now 4 1/2. She went thru her first year at Apple Montessori and loved it! She's wicked smart and has no problem letting you know that she's right and you're wrong. Just like the other day when she told me that mermaids were real. I of course disagreed and was told in no uncertain terms that "Mom, mermaids ARE real, they just don't live in the ocean where I can stand, they live in the ocean where I can't stand and where you can't see them b/c they are all the way down on the bottom where you can't stand either Mom, so they are real!" Well how can you argue w/that?

She is super funny and cracks me up constantly. I love it when something gets her going to that belly laughing point and when she's done and has regained her composure she says, "Now THAT was hilarious!"

Currently she is attending camp at her school. Camp ROCKS! Every day there is a theme and every day I want to go to camp w/her. Jordan seems to love camp but Mommy is not loving the laundry. I send her to camp in one outfit, they go swimming and at some point after swimming they all get dressed again. But why does my kid get dressed into the 'back-up outfit'? It's the 'back-up outfit', it's not the 'in-case-you-wanted-options-outfit'. It all equals LAUNDRY, and lots of it!

I have given up the getting dressed in the morning battle. I let go of it awhile ago but now I'm letting go of the "those shoes so do NOT match" battle. You want to wear your brown dress up shoes w/blue socks and turquoise shorts w/that green shirt? Go right ahead! In fact, I support you wearing that! You go w/your bad self!!

We ended the winter w/ice skating lessons. Moved right on into soccer and then as if that wasn't enough signed up for gymnastics oh and added a full season of ballet/tap classes. That's all behind us now, camp is the main focus w/a Spanish class on Thursdays thrown in just to ensure exhaustion.

I won't keep you waiting any longer for the tidbits of Jo-Jo. I have had a ton of these stored in my phone for a long time.......hope you enjoy them as much as I have:

- "Mom, that car in front of us is silver and that means it's a girl driving b/c only girls drive silver cars b/c silver is a pretty color."

- "I changed my mind Mom. When I grow up I'm going to be a movie instructor and I'm going to make all the numbers (sequels) for Madagascar, like: Madagascar 40, Madagascar 12, Madagascar 105."

- "How about this Mom? When I get married and I have a baby in my belly and it's going to be a boy...I can name him Max Sanders and I will be a beautiful married girl. How about that Mom?"

- When all that flooding happened around here, Jo-Jo was OBSESSED w/talking about it and needing to know if the people were okay and wanted to know where they would live and on and on. So she says one day: "I got an idea! The flood houses, we can give them some mops and some paper towels to clean up their basements! Is that a good idea?"

- "Mom, when I grow up and I get married and there is a baby in my belly and then the baby come out, can I get one of those 2 (double) baby strollers?" And I say, "Well you would have to have 2 babies to put in that double stroller Jo-Jo" to which she replies, "I know Mom. (w/the 'no-duh' tone) I meant when I have 2 babies coming out of my belly."

- Jordan was PISSED at me for quite awhile b/c I would not take her to Japan to find Ponyo. Ponyo is her most favorite movie, about a fish who turns into a girl. A really great movie but totally animated and totally NOT REAL. Tried explaining the 'not real' thing to her but she just wasn't buying it and was really unhappy w/me for not just picking up and flying us to Japan to find this 'not real' fish/girl. And then the earth quake happened in Japan. So I explained to her that we could not go to Japan for a long time b/c of the earth quake and the destruction and all that. Which lead us to a new obsession of Jo-Jo's.....earth quakes. Ugh! I was explaining the cracks in the earth, in the ground, etc and she says, "I think we need to call Pop-Pop on the phone right now! He will know how the 'Japan people' get out of the holes in the ground that the earth quake made!" For you see, Pop-Pop is our go-to guy! If Jo-Jo ever made it onto 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', Pop-Pop would be her 'PHONE A FRIEND' lifeline!

- A few days after the whole Japan thing Jordan comes screaming into the house: "MOM! MOM! We had an earth quake! There are cracks in our driveway!" Damn, knew I should have had the driveway resealed sooner rather than later!

- "I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. I think in order for me to practice we should cut a hole in the ceiling so I can float up to space." Of course I'm intrigued at this point. "But Jo-Jo, I would miss you if you floated up to space w/out the proper training b/c you could get lost honey." And the little wise woman says: "Don't worry Mom. I won't get lost b/c you have good eyes Mom so you could find me! And Mom? I won't have any time for TV shows b/c I'm gonna be very busy when I'm an astronaut!"

- Before the school year ended 'we' went thru a little period of the super duper, mack daddy, NOT listening phase. A rather non-enjoyable time in our lives. But I always found it so interesting how the instant I would threaten (and I did it often cause it friggin worked) to tell Miss Ruchalski (Jordan's teacher) that she wasn't listening, how Jordan would freak out by the mere thought of her teacher knowing she was not being good and suddenly my kid was doing exactly what I had asked her to do 9,012 times earlier! I found myself considering contacting Madame Tussaudes in NYC (wax museum) to have the wax version of Miss Ruchaslki made up for me b/c I knew that would be enough for my kid to listen!

- Upon finishing reading bedtime books to Jo-Jo one night, I was feeling really sleepy and comfy in her bed so I closed my eyes thinking I would just sleep there for a tiny bit......until I heard that sweet little voice say: "Okay Mom, you can go now." Dismissed by my child!!!

- "Mom? Sometimes when I'm sad and I feel like crying, my body tells me it's happy and wants to laugh and be silly." OMG, really? I mean really? Could this be ANY cuter?

- "That girl, she had a boy voice, but she's really a girl b/c she was wearing a pretty dress w/a bow."

- Discussing the Red Cross blood donation trucks (was one in her school's parking lot one day)....."If you give blood Mommy, will you have any blood left?"

- Sometimes Pop-Pop falls a notch off our 'lifeline' list for answers b/c I'm now being told: "Just Google it Mom."

- "Why did dinosaurs die? Did they fall into a volcano?" (FYI: volcanoes are the new obsession) "Can I go in a volcano? Is it hot?" Jordan is soooooooooo obsessed w/volcanoes! I have no idea why she finds them so interesting but she has latched onto this like you can not imagine. In fact, I ordered her a kid book on volcanoes, which we have read over and over and over again. We have Googled volcanoes, she made our good friends Amy & CA Google it too. She knows what 'dormant' means. She wants to know if there are any volcanoes in NJ. She wants to know why we can't just look inside the volcano. She wants to know if there is fire in all the volcanoes. She wants to know if animals go inside of volcanoes. She wants to know if people go into a volcano, how will they get out? Are there stairs? Or do they use a rope? She wants to know if bugs go into volcanoes. She wants to go to Spain to see a volcano. She could not believe that 'our' Mexico where we stayed was the same Mexico where a volcano 'lived.' She insisted there are 2 Mexicos. When we 'play' together I always have to make sure I'm wearing my 'volcano scientist suit' so I can be safe and the lava can't hurt me. I'm not kidding, this is a major obsession. Volcanoes. Ask me anything about them. Chances are, I've got the answer so if YOU find yourself on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire', I could be on YOUR lifeline!!!

- Listening to Jo-Jo play 'mom & dad' w/her friend Abagail, so hilarious! Jo-Jo decides she's the dad, so she walks in the room and says to Abagail: "Sweetie! I'm home from work. We have to eat dinner now sweetie!" (where did the sweetie come from??) This continued for a long, long time. Each time she said something to Abagail: "Sweetie........." So funny!

- Our friend Amy used to work for the NY Liberty and in the past we'd take Jo-Jo to the games w/us. So a few weeks ago Jo-Jo says, "Mom? Can we go to the NY Liberty soon? Because I think Amy's body is telling her that she wants to work there again. Her whole body is telling her that Mom."

- This one cracked me up: "Mom, when you got married were you a bride?" Now THAT was a good question.

- "When I grow up can I marry you Mommy?" As I melt away from mushy silly cute love!

- "I don't want to be a rock star anymore when I grow up Mom. I want to be a Halloween 'tricker'! That's gonna be my job, a Halloween tricker! Wanna do that w/me Mom? You get to wear a different costume every day and go to people's houses and trick or treat and you get candy! Lots and lots of candy!"

- I said to Jordan the other day: "Jo-Jo, my favorite part of the day is when I pick you up from camp." And she said, "My favorite part of the day is when you play w/me Mommy." And again.......melting away from the ridiculously soft sweet heart my little girl has!

- And of course most of you will remember this little Jo-Jo tidbit from when I posted it on FB, still one of my fav's: "Mom? When Bubby & Pop-Pop adopted you, were in a cage w/lots of other babies and they picked you b/c you were so cute?"............"And Mom? Did you come w/the name 'Stacey' and they didn't have to think real hard to make you a name?"

Consider yourself updated on The Land of Jordan. A place where inquiring minds want to know the answers to hundreds of questions. A place where I find myself knowing the answer to many of these questions and having an 'ah ha' moment b/c I realize I look wicked smart to my kid just like my Mom looked wicked smart to me! A place where silly things happen on a daily basis. A place where we listen to Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night" song and now Jordan always asks: "What's a mini-bar?" A place where some dude on the radio was talking and said, "smoking crack" and I cringed b/c I knew what was coming w/in 10 seconds and sure enough from the back seat I hear, "Smoking crack? He just said smoking crack! Mom, what's smoking crack?" And even thou the smart mom in the front seat had the answer to the 'smoking crack' question.....she lied and went with: "You know how that earth quake happened in Japan? Cracks in the ground? I think smoke was coming out of them, like 'smoking crack'......" And THAT was a good enough answer!!

The Land of Jordan hopes you enjoyed yourself! We will try to get another update out before 2012 comes along!

- The Land of Jordan would like to thank Chris Nuzzo for taking those first 2 amazing pics! You, Chris Nuzzo are a wonderful woman!

- The Land of Jordan would also like to thank Maria Pennetta for getting on my case about slacking on the blog! You too Maria Pennetta are a wonderful woman!

Back From Hiatus.....

2011-02-08T21:36:00.001-05:00

holy crap, it has been forever since i've updated 'the land of jordan'. my bad! but here we are again, feeling witty and ready to share. are you ready to listen?

THERE IS MUCH TO CATCH YOU ALL UP ON....jordan is now 4! can you believe this? i am the mother of a 4 year old!?!? A very funny, clever little 4 year old.

so, rather than ramble on and on and lose your interest I will give you a few 'sound bites' (w/out the sound) from jordan over the past few months. hope you enjoy:

-“MOM! I FIGURED IT OUT! WE CAN TAKE THE HOSE AND PUT THE WATER ALL OVER THE DRIVEWAY, AND THEN SLEEP FOR A REALLY GOOD LONG TIME, AND WHEN WE WAKE UP THERE WILL BE AN ICE RINK AND WE CAN ICE SKATE RIGHT HERE!”

-“GEORGE IS SLEEPING ‘SOFTLY’ MOM.....” (INSTEAD OF SOUNDLY)

-“MOM? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? MIMA IS ALREADY ‘GROWED’ UP, BUT NOT YOU. SO YOU HAVE TO BE SOMETHING WHEN YOU GROW UP, LIKE YOU HAVE TO BE EITHER A DENTIST OR A DOCTOR. OKAY MOM?” SHE WOULD NOT ACCEPT MY “I’M NEVER GROWING UP” ANSWER.

-WHILE PLAYING A MEMORY GAME W/ME AND SHE FOUND THE MATCHING CARD I ASKED HER HOW SHE KNEW THE MATCHING CARD WAS THERE: “I LOOKED INSIDE MY BRAIN AND I FOUND THE MATCHING CARD!”

-AFTER A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP: “I AM UN-TIRED NOW MOM.”

-SHE USES THIS LINE A LOT WHEN WE HAVE DISCUSSIONS: “I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT IN MY BED TODAY MOM, REALLY, I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME I WAS IN MY BED.”

-HER HANDS WERE COLD THE OTHER DAY: “MY HANDS HAVE BRAIN FREEZE!”

-“MOM! WHEN I GET BIG YOU CAN’T CALL ME ‘PEANUT’ OR ‘JO-JO’ ANYMORE B/C I AM GOING TO JUST BE ‘JORDAN’ MOM, AND ISN’T THAT AWESOME?”

-UPON SEEING A FULL MOON: “THE MOON FOUND ALL IT’S PIECES!!!!!”

-OH, I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE, THIS HAPPENED RIGHT AFTER HALLOWEEN. I WAS EXPLAINING TO JORDAN THAT ONE REASON WE PROBABLY DON’T GET A LOT OF TRICK-OR-TREATERS IS B/C WE LIVE ON A DEAD END STREET. THE NEXT DAY SHE WANTS TO DISCUSS IT AGAIN: “MOM, WE DIDN’T GET A LOT OF TRICK-OR-TREATERS B/C WE LIVE IN A DEAD PLACE, RIGHT MOM?”

-WAS USING HER FINGERS TO COUNT SOMETHING ONE DAY AND EXCLAIMED: “I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE FINGERS SO I CAN’T COUNT ANY MORE.”

-HEARD AN ‘ANNIE LENNOX’ SONG ON THE RADIO AWHILE AGO, SHE LIKED IT AND DECIDED SHE’D REFERENCE IT TO ME A FEW DAYS LATER: “CAN YOU PLEASE PLAY THAT ‘ANNIE LETTUCE’ SONG FOR ME?” TOOK ME QUITE SOME TIME TO FIGURE OUT WHAT SHE MEANT, BUT I EVENTUALLY GOT IT!

-ONE NIGHT WE WERE DEVOURING PIZZA AND I MUST HAVE BEEN EATING PRETTY FAST B/C SHE STOPS EATING AND SAYS: “MOM! YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN W/THE PIZZA AND SAVE SOME!”

-“MOM? WHEN I LAUGH REALLY HARD I GET EYE TEARS”

-IF JORDAN WANTS ME TO MAKE UP A STORY RATHER THAN READ HER ONE SHE SAYS, “CAN YOU TELL ME A STORY FROM YOUR MOUTH, NOT FROM A BOOK?”

-“I’M GETTING SO MUCH BIGGER, I’M ALMOST A MOMMY TOO!”

-WE ARE TRYING TO TEACH JORDAN TO ASK, “CAN I BE EXCUSED” WHEN SHE’S DONE EATING. SHE’S DOING PRETTY GOOD W/THE WHOLE THING, ONLY IT COMES OUT: “CAN I BE CONFUSED?”

-WHAT I’M ABOUT TO WRITE ISN’T SOMETHING THAT JORDAN SAID, IT’S SOMETHING THAT JORDAN DID. I SHOULD LET YOU ALL KNOW (MOST OF YOU ALREADY KNOW THIS) THAT I DO NOT COOK, DON’T WANT TO, DON’T CARE TO, NO INTEREST, ZERO, NADA! LITERALLY THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS TOAST, TEA AND WARM SHIT UP. JORDAN ON THE OTHER HAND IS CONSTANTLY ‘COOKING’ W/MIMA WHICH IS SUPER GREAT AND REALLY CUTE. AND OF COURSE MIMA IS CONSTANTLY COOKING. SO, MIMA WAS AWAY ON BUSINESS AND JORDAN DECIDES SHE WANTS SCRAMBLED EGGS FOR BREAKFAST. I OF COURSE ATTEMPT TO SWAY HER TOWARDS WAFFLES (FROZEN OF COURSE) WHICH DOES NOT WORK. THE KID WANTS SCRAMBLED EGGS AND THAT’S THAT! I’M A TINY BIT PANICKED B/C YES, AS SAD AS IT IS TO ADMIT, I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS. SO AGAIN I TRY AND PERSUADE MY CHILD TO THE FROZEN BREAKFAST OPTIONS AND AGAIN SHE INSISTS ON SCRAMBLED EGGS. AND HERE’S WHERE MOMMY GETS HER HONEST ON: “JO-JO, I KNOW YOU’RE GONNA FIND THIS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT MOMMY DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS......” I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING HER TO MELT DOWN DEMANDING THE DAMN EGGS. INSTEAD THIS IS WHAT I GOT: “THAT’S OKAY MOM B/C I KNOW HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS AND I WILL TEACH YOU! YOU HAVE TO GET THE EGGS & BUTTER MOM. BUT I GET TO CRACK THE EGGS OKAY?” AND WOULDN’T YOU FRIGGIN KNOW IT? MY KID TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE SCRAMBLED EGGS! SHE SAT ON THE COUNTER AND WALKED ME THRU THE WHOLE THING. AND THEN, OH THIS WAS THE BEST PART......WHEN THE EGGS WERE ALL SCRAMBLED AND ON HER PLATE SHE SAYS TO ME: “GOOD JOB MOMMY, I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU!” SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FYI: WE HAVE HAD SCRAMBLED EGGS ABOUT 9,014 TIMES SINCE MY DAUGHTER’S IN-SERVICE! I CAN’T STOP MAKING THEM!!!

Seems like a good note to end on. hope you're all enjoying your winter filled w/snow & ice, school closings, school delayed openings, high heating bills, endless sick germs & maybe a few hot chocolates thrown in there just to make you smile.

Jo-Jo Goes to Big Girl School!!

2010-09-30T13:04:00.000-04:00

The Land of Jordan has entered a new land, a new territory, a new beginning.......BIG GIRL SCHOOL!

Jordan is now a full time student at Apple Montessori. And each time we see an apple or talk about apples she says, "just like my big girl school."

This is week 3 of the new school and so far she seems to be doing quite well. It was a rough go for the first 2 weeks, mostly for Mommy who seems to be suffering from separation anxiety, but we are making some progress b/c now when the school says to me, "Umm, Jordan's Mommy? You need to leave now b/c you are not a student here" I find myself listening and leaving. (kidding, I'm now the: kiss my kid goodbye, tell her I love her, watch her go into her classroom and I walk out of the buidling, sneak around back, hide in the bushes and observe to make sure Jo-Jo is okay)....(kidding again).

It seems that Jordan has taken on a new hobby in her life: torture Mommy emotionally and keep her up all night w/worry. Case and point: When I pick Jordan up from school she is RAVENOUS! It's as if she hasn't eaten a thing all day and for those of you who know Jo-Jo, she is never actually ravenous. So I ask Jordan if she is aware of the 'snack' (crackers) area in her classroom, to which she says no, and then I ask her if she eats any snacks or is given any snacks by the teachers b/een lunch and when I pick her up, and she says no. So I spend an entire afternoon and evening worried out of my mind that my child is spending hours w/out something to eat. I don't sleep that night and I can't wait to get to school to ask her teacher about this and to find out why my child is not aware of the 'snack' area. So I start to explain to the teacher how maybe Jordan needs to be shown the 'snack' area b/c she is so hungry when I pick her up. And this is exactly what the teacher said to me AFTER she stopped laughing: "I have never in my entire life seen any other child eat as many crackers as your child does. So yes, she is very aware of the snack area." Mommy has been played. SUCKER!

Another torture Mommy situation was when I asked her what she talks about @ lunch w/her new friends and Jordan proceeds to go into this long explanation of how they are not allowed to talk during lunch b/c those are the rules. WHAT? And once again I spent an entire afternoon & evening worried, concerned and lost another night's sleep anticipating my talk w/Jordan's teacher. Get to school, start to explain the story and after Jordan's teacher is done giggling she says, "The kids can absolutely talk. We try to keep their conversations at a calm level during lunch so they actually eat their lunches but when it's time for their dessert they can be as silly and wound up as they'd like." Mommy has been played yet again. SUKCER!

Jordan has had some concerns and requests about her new big girl school. She is somewhat aware of the much longer days that she is spending there and has said to me, "Mom, school is too many hours, I think you should tell my teacher it should only be 5 weeks." (5 weeks seems to be Jordan's new 'time') She has also said to me, "Mom, can you ask my teacher if she can cancel school for tomorrow b/c I just don't want to go outside." (Jordan is having a little issue w/the first of two outside play ground times. She claims there are too many kids out there, but when I asked her teacher about this I was told Jordan runs around like crazy outside and seems to be having a blast.......Mommy being played again?) Jordan wanted to know why her new big girl school is called Apple Montessori and not Banana Montessori......? Good friggin question right?

There are 3 teachers in Jordan's classroom. The 'main' teacher, the one she is VERY attached to, her name is Miss Ruchalski but if you ask Jo-Jo her teacher's name you will hear: "Miss MAHchalski". The other 2 are teachers aides. One is a tall 'older' woman w/super gray hair, her name is Mrs. Evans. The other one is a young woman who is Miss Sheppard and next to Mrs. Evans appears to be quite shorter. Jordan is having a hard time remembering their names so she refers to them as, "The one w/the white hair who is really tall" and "the short little one".

We are finally learning some of the kids names in Jo-Jo's class. She seems to be very found of the younger kids in her class, there are 3 younger ones and Miss Ruchalkski tells me that Jordan likes to take care of them. There is one boy in her class who is the same age as Jordan and his name is Elijah. Elijah is a very cute kid who happens to have long hair. So when I talk to Jordan about Elijah I of course refer to Elijah as, "You know who I'm taking about, that boy Elijah? The one w/the long hair?" and Jordan IMMEDIATELY stops me and says, "Mom. Elijah is a GIRL. She is not a boy, she is a GIRL. Stop saying she is a boy b/c she is not a boy, she is a GIRL b/c when she laughs she has a really pretty GIRL face. Next time you come to my class you have to see her laugh, okay Mom?" OMG - Elijah is NOT a girl, Elijah is a boy but Jordan will not listen to reason and insists Elijah is a girl. So now we refer to Elijah as 'the girl who has the pretty face when she laughs."

Enough about school.....let's talk about how I think Jordan is so super funny and silly and how I had no clue she was going to start talking like me!

The other day we were trying to get ready to leave the house and I was in super hyper get-out-of-the-house mode. Jordan says, "Mom. Here's the deal: first I will brush my teeth and then I will brush my hair. Ok? That's the deal Mom." (love that!)

Mima wanted me to do something, totally forget what it was, and Jordan turns around and says, "Mima. That is not Mommy's thing so stop asking her to do that." (love that too!)

Jordan missed her 2nd ballet/tap class b/c we were away in Maine so I was explaining to her how we are going to take a make-up class b/c we missed our regular class. And this is what I hear from the back seat of the car....."YIPEE!!!! Oh Mommy! I get to put on make up at my make-up class???? Oh yay Mommy!" (so funny!)

Sometimes it takes Jo-Jo a little while to finish telling me a story and sometimes I interrupt her attempting to help her along w/her story. This never fully works the way I intend it to b/c it always ends with: "Mommy! You messed up my talking! And I wasn't done w/my words!"

One day we were hanging w/Chase & his brother Myles (who is 1). Myles spit up so Jordan comes running to me to let me know that "something came out of Myles's mouth" so I say, "Oh, did Myles spit up Jo-Jo?" and she says, "No Mom. Myles just spit down" b/c it was on the floor and floors are not up........clever right?

Jordan hasn't quite grasped the concept of not interrupting when I'm talking. So I continuously attempt to explain to her the "excuse me Mom" thing but it never really gets into her brain b/c by the time I'm doing the explanation of this she is so upset w/me and says, "You are not listening to my words Mom. Listen to my words." (oh boy)

Her new favorite thing (which I now realize I say all the time) is the "or what?" Like the other day we were slow in getting her out of the car and she says, "Are we getting out of the car or what?" (trouble for sure)

There seems to be a large interest in Heaven and how to get there. Jordan is convinced you have to take an airplane to get to Heaven. And she wanted to know if the people in Heaven were eating Chinese food at the same time that we were eating Chinese food.

She wanted to know if Aunt Christy and Uncle Jeff were going to have honey on their honeymoon. And is the moon sticky if there is honey on the honeymoon?

We had a few weeks of reading "The Giving Tree" over and over again. Everyone know about this book? Tree gives this boy everything to make the boy happy: apples to sell to make money, branches to build a house, etc. So, the dry cleaner we used went out of business and Jordan wanted to know why. I explained how they were not making any money and they needed to close their store b/c of that. So Jordan says: "Mom!!!! I've got a great idea! Next time we see the dry cleaning people we can tell them to climb a tree, get all the apples and sell them and then they can make money and open the store up! Is that a good idea Mom?????" (best idea ever Jo-Jo!)

Jordan wants in on the Volkswagon game. The one everyone in country plays, you know, when you say: "RED ONE" if you see a red VW.......so we now play this game in the car but she seems to think every single car we pass is a VW: "Black one!' "Green one!" "White one!" "Mom, is that a VW?" "Blue one!" (trying to teach her the 'punch buggy' VW game, not going over so big)

This morning when Jordan woke up she had a little scratchy 'morning voice' so she says to me, "Mom, I think I'm getting a new mouth b/c my voice is a little different so that means I'm getting a new mouth." (okey dokey)

And for now, that is all I have from The Land of Jordan. More to come for sure as Jo-Jo gets even more settled into her new school!

The Land of No Naps

2010-07-16T21:53:00.001-04:00

I realize it has been a really, really long time since I've had you all over to The Land of Jordan, forgive me, we've been quite busy.

So many things to fill you all in on. Let's start w/the most recent shall we?

Jo-Jo had her first visit to the dentist. Not just your normal every day dentist. Nope. At this particular office it seems if you work there it is a requirement that you be 'on' laughing gas. Honestly the folks there could not have been nicer/sweeter/more giving/more caring. Not only did they ask me 9 times if I wanted something to drink, they even offered to let me have the remote for the TV in the waiting room so I could watch something I was interested in. They have this cool separate play/waiting room for the kids filled w/all kinds of toys, video games, climbing things. When they took us back to the actual 'room' for Jordan's cleaning I was handed 2 free movie tickets: "because you waited longer than 5 minutes for us to call you back here and we do not like to keep our patients waiting longer than 5 minutes." WHAT? Where am I? And can I have some of that laughing gas too? Next they hand me a 'party bag', you know the kind, the ones you get at kids birthday parties......and this was filled w/numerous stickers for Jordan, a tooth brush for Jordan, my movie tix, oh and the very cool new mini-messenger bag I got for being a new patient AND a Dunkin Donuts gift card for $15!!!!!!!! But wait, it gets even better.........b/c my friend Lucy referred me (I put her name down on all that silly paperwork), she (Lucy) got a brand spankin new 10MP DIGITAL CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, come on, for real?

So anyway, back to why this trip to the dentist is so important. On this trip Jordan was told by Mr. Dentist that she has to give up her paci b/c it's affecting her bite. At this point I feel the walls beginning to close in on me slowly. Is this guy for real? Does he not understand the value of the paci? The naps? The naps @ the town pool b/c of the paci? The naps on the beach b/c of the paci? You can have your free movie tix, just don't make me take away the paci!

Now we're in the car on the way home from the dentist and my child who I was convinced had not been paying any attention to my conversation w/Mr. Dentist says to me, "Mom, why did that man say I bite the paci b/c I don't Mom, I only just suck on it." I begin to explain how it's not about her biting the paci but how the paci is affecting her bite which leads us into stories of when Mommy was little and used to suck her thumb which leads to how I had braces and then I realized I was just getting way too ahead of myself and somehow was able to divert her attention to something else.

Anyway, I'm all over the place w/this story. So basically we have the conversation w/Jordan about how it's time to give her paci's away b/c there is a baby out there who totally needs a paci or two. We decide last Sunday was going to be "P-day".........so Mommy and Jordan head to the balloon store b/c we are going to buy two balloons (2 pacis to give away) and do just what her buddy Jake did: send the pacis off into the sky and let the paci fairy (lame, I know) take them to a baby who needs them. As we arrive home and Mima sees the two Princess & the Frog balloons I have purchased she lets out a major laugh and proceeds to tell me I bought the wrong kind of balloons and I "should have bought the OTHER kind." What other kind? I'm thinking she's just being very bossy about the whole balloon thing and the two balloons are gonna be fine. We help Jo-Jo tie the pacis to the balloons, we then tie the two balloons together so they can go up at the same time and go to the same place. Jordan decides she wants to send them off from the driveway. So we do this whole ceremonious thing and Mima let's the balloons go......and the 3 of us watch as the two balloons come immediately crashing down onto the driveway, pacis first, b/c apparently I bought the wrong kind of balloons!!! Who the frig knew? So, we remove one paci and it's quickly placed into my pocket w/out Jordan seeing this, and then we decide to try once more w/just the one paci attached. And this time it works! And it's going, it's up, it's headed right to the sky.................that is until it got tangled in our incredibly LARGE trees on the side of our house!!! OMG, what the &*%@?????? So now we have to delve even further into the 'little white lie bank' and tell Jordan how it's all good, no worries b/c that paci fairy is going to come and untangle the balloons when we are not looking and deliver those pacis (one still in my pocket which eventually made it to the garbage) to a baby who needs them.

Turns out the paci fairy comes to our house in the form of our nephew Andrew who will be here tomorrow carrying a BB gun b/c those 2 balloons & paci are STILL hanging in that tree. Luckily Jordan has not spotted them.

So last Sunday we said goodbye to our pacis............but I must not have read the small fine print in the paci contract b/c I was COMPLETELY unaware that when the paci is gone, so are the naps. UGH! It has been 6 days of no napping and tonight it all caught up to Jo-Jo. She was sound asleep by 6:30pm!!!!

Here are a few funny things Jordan has said to me over the past few weeks:

- "Mom, when I get older can I wear 'eye tacts' (contacts) just like Mima?"

- Listening to the radio w/Jordan in the car, I say to her: "Jordan this band is called Green Day" and she says to me: "but Mom, I don't like Green Day, I only like Greenberrys." (a coffee/tea place here in Wayne)

- Upon hearing me become frustrated w/something Jordan always says: "What Mom? Don't worry Mom. It will be okay Mom."

- Jordan knows about my unbelievable fear of spiders so if we are reading one of her books and there's a picture of a spider she says: "You can touch it Mom b/c it's only a pretend spider so go ahead and touch it Mom." And she won't let me turn the page until I have touched the pretend spider.

- "Mom? Why don't you wear dresses?" "I just don't like them Jo-Jo, but I love them on you." "I know Mom, but WHY don't you like them? And why don't you like 'clicky shoes' (dress up shoes) either Mom?"

- "Mom, you like a lot of boy things."

- While at a NY Liberty game Jordan is fascinated by the announcers voice and says, "Where is the narrator man?"

- Jordan and I got into an argument about that silly young singer dude named Justin Bieber......while listening to 'him' on the radio Jordan proceeds to tell me it's a girl singing. So I tell her it's not a girl it's a boy. We begin to go back and forth about this and I realize two things: 1: this is silly to be arguing w/a 3 year old b/c I'm clearly not going to win and 2: he does sound kinda girly.

- Ever since I stopped breast feeding Jordan she has had constipation issues. Long story short, a few months ago we had a situation which required us using a suppository on poor little Jo-Jo. So she says to us, "Can we give the 'appositories' away to another kid who needs them b/c I just don't like the 'appositories'.

- "It's your turn Mom to tell me a story about when you were little b/c I just told you a story about when I was little." So I proceed to tell her a random story about when I was little and when she has had enough she says, "Okay Mom, that's good. Now it's my turn again."

- We had been discussing kittens and the possibility of one day getting one, but not until Nina (the 15 year old cat we have) dies. So I explain to Jordan how we have to wait until Nina dies and goes to heaven, then we can get a kitten. The very next morning Jordan wakes up and says, "Did Nina die yet? Can we get a kitten?"

- And continuing w/the kitten theme...we went to a farmers market a few weeks ago on a Saturday. Someone there was doing kitten/cat adoptions so we went over to watch these 2 adorable kittens get adopted. They were placed in this cardboard carrying box and off they went w/their new owners. So of course Jordan wants to discuss the kitten thing for the rest of the day and wants to know what 'adopted' means. I explain it all to her and then realize, duh, I'm adopted, I can TOTALLY explain this even further, even better! So I proceed to tell Jordan about how when I was a baby I was adopted by Bubby & Pop-Pop. Jordan stops. She's processing the whole thing. And then she says, "But Mom, when you were a baby and you were adopted, did Bubby put you in a cardboard box too?" And that literally made me laugh out loud! What an awesome thing to say!!!!

- And continuing even further w/the kitten theme.....the very next day after that farmers market we went to a strawberry festival out in Chester. Had a great time, ate good, picked great strawberries, was having the best time when all of sudden we noticed they were giving away, for free, kittens. Now I know you guys don't live w/us so you have no clue if Nina has died or not.......well I'm here to tell you Nina is fully alive and healthy. Deal was no kitten until Nina wasn't around. And then Mima comes over holding this teeny, tiny, little soft, fuzzy kitten who had what we thought was a cleft palate, she's showing the kitten to Jordan who is just over the moon in love and is screaming "I GOT A KITTEN" as I'm standing behind her shaking my head NO and mouthing to Mima that we are in NO WAY getting a kitten today......... and the girl on the farm comes over and says, "Nobody will take this kitten b/c of her cleft palate, she's the unwanted kitten." I immediately take the kitten from Mima and exclaim loudly and proudly: "We are taking this kitten! You can not leave a kitten behind! The unwanted ones are the best ones!" And we now have Nina and the kitten w/not a cleft palate but a cleft lip who we allowed Jordan to name...........and she named her "George." (thought George was a boy at first, but we love the name so much we didn't want to change it when we found out George is a girl)

I believe, for now, that is all from The Land of Jordan.

I shall attempt to be like my friend Gina and update you all much more often but now that naps have disappeared...........who has time?

The Mind of a 3 Year Old

2010-04-12T20:44:00.008-04:00

I realize it's been a long time since my last Land of Jordan post but really who has time to post a blog when your 3 year old talks 24/7?

Jordan's vocabulary is expanding and exploding! I also now know what I sound like b/c so many of these new words in her vocabulary are words I apparently overuse!!

For example: "actually" is now used many times throughout the day. "Actually Mom, that not a Scarlet Macaw, that a pigeon." "Actually Mom, I don't need to go w/you to the store, I going to stay here and play." "Actually Mom, I not yet a big girl so I don't have to poop on the potty, only pee."

Then there was this one: "Mom!! A bug just FREAKED me out!"

Or this one: "That so totally awesome Mom!"

And I like how she flips the rules around and uses them on me. How many times a day do I repeat: "say thank you", "say please", "good manners Jo-Jo"....? The other day Jordan handed me something and I said, "thank you" not expecting any kind of response from her but sure enough she had something to add: "good manners Mommy!" How friggin funny is that?

I am constantly saying, "You can play for a little bit and then we have to......." so the other day Jordan goes into her playroom, turns around and says, "Mom? Can I play for a BIG bit?"

We are heading to NC soon, staying at Bubby & Pop-Pop's. So Jordan says, "Mom? I want to sleep there a lot of nights, not a little nights, but a lot of nights."

We've noticed lately that we have a very bossy little girl on our hands. When playing w/her she tells you exactly where you need to be, what you need to do & how you need to do it and don't even think about adding your little spin to it b/c I'm telling you, she is bossy! In fact I say it to her often, "You are bossy Jo-Jo!" So one day she was being incredibly bossy and I said to her, "Jordan, you are very demanding." She stops what she's doing, looks right at me and says, "No I not Mommy, I bossy!!" How do you keep a straight face w/that?

Jordan and I were heading to meet up w/her friends and their families one day. I was telling her who was going to be there. When I said the name Jack, she asked who he was so I explained that Jack is Drew's (her buddy) older brother. She's quiet for a minute and says, "Who's my brother?" so I explain how she doesn't have one. She's quiet for a few more minutes and then says, "Can we go and buy a brother?"

For some reason Jordan and her friends seem to be crazed about playing "Mommy & Daddy". This happens more often than not. One day Jordan and I are in the car heading who knows where and she says, "You the Mommy & I the Daddy". So I go along w/it and I ask her what we should do next as Mommy & Daddy and she says, "You make dinner and I sit." Where the heck did that come from????? She lives w/2 mommies and the one mommy she is w/majority of the time does NOT cook and also never sits still........how did she get that scenario in her head????

We spend a great deal of time dancing in our kitchen to some seriously cool hip hop tunes. Currently on the top of Jo-Jo's playlist is "Imma Be" by The Black Eyed Peas....so she comes up to me the other day and says, "Let's rock it out Mom!" I swear, I love when stuff like that comes out of her!!! So funny!

Jordan is now anti-plastic utensils. "No Mom, I want the GLASS spoon." Glass? She thinks our silverware is glass!

Can't be sure how or when she discovered antennas, but she seems to have a bit of an obsession w/antennas on cars and is so concerned that our car does not have an antenna that she can see.

When she's playing dress-up and holds a wand, don't think about calling it a wand b/c clearly it's not a wand. Nope, it's a "magic spelling"!!

If you hand her a food item which has a bite taken out of it she will demand, "I want a REAL one", which means she wants a new one that does not have any bites or pieces missing.

There was an addition to Jordan's class, her name is Rebecca. Rebecca came to Jordan's class late in the 'semester' and she happened to arrive while Jordan's buddy Luke (also in the class) was away on vacation in Florida. Luke arrives home, everyone goes to school. So I ask Jordan later that day, "How's the new girl Rebecca? Are you being nice to her? Are you asking her to play w/you?" and Jordan responds, "Mom, she gonna go home now cause Luke is back." HA! She thought Rebecca was the replacement kid while Luke was away!!! Holy mind of a 3 year old!!!!!

We are now into rhyming.....so as a family we are required to come up w/good rhymes, like: "Look at that cat, he's wearing a hat" and then as a family we all cheer and give a loud yell of "thumbs up, thumbs up, good one, good one!" Most of Jordan's rhyming is questionable, but every once in awhile she gets it right and she gets the family cheer of "thumbs up!" Then it's Mima's turn.......is it b/c she grew up in a house where English and Spanish were so mixed together ALL words are questionable? Well Mima's rhymes are not quite rhymes....she starts off strong: "Look at that cat............. he's driving a truck"........WHAT??? Mima's rhymes are met w/a loud "thumbs down, thumbs down" and Jordan's face is all scrunched up as if there's a terrible stink in the room while she's doing "thumbs down, thumbs down!"

Speaking of stink.....oh my God, if there is even the slightest yucky smell in the air, Jordan is so freaked out! "What's that yucky smell?" as she's holding her nose and nearly having a melt down! And look out if you take her into a public bathroom (yes, she is now peeing in public bathrooms) and someone has stunk up the place......Jordan will VERY LOUDLY point out the obvious not only to me but to everyone else in the bathroom, "What's that yucky smell? Mommy, it too yucky, it too yucky! Mommy! No Mommy, it too yucky!!!" And I can forget about getting her to pee b/c she's bolting for the door to escape the 'it too yucky' smell!!!

Oh, and God forbid she spills something on her shirt or pants! There is no turning back from a spill! Even if it's the tiniest littlest drop of water, "I WET, I WET, I WET!!!"

But she has no problem shoving her finger way up her nose to dig out the boogy that's taken up residence in a nostril. Most times I don't even realize she's doing this b/c we're in the car, then from the back seat I get the: "Here Mom" and lame stupid Mommy just sticks her hand back w/out looking, assuming she's going to be handed an unidentifiable-been sittin in her car seat for 9 weeks-snack that never made it into Jo-Jo's mouth. Not so lucky.....my hand makes contact w/the boogy which used to reside in my daughter's nostril! Not just any boogy......the slimiest, grossest, drippiest, blech-yuck-barf-green boogy! And THIS doesn't freak her out?

That folks is all I've got right now from The Land of Jordan. Spring has arrived which means we are back to every night is bath night due to large amounts of sun tan lotion being applied to little people's bodies! Enjoy the weather!!!

New Olympic Event: Training for the Potty!!!!

2010-02-18T20:01:00.002-05:00

For those of us who live in The Land of Jordan (me, Christina & Jo-Jo), potty training has not been top priority for us. In fact I've been known to say that Jordan can stay in diapers until she's 7 years old b/c I despise public restrooms and the thought of having my child's tush anywhere near those toilets wigs me out beyond words.

Many of you are aware that Jordan really has had zero interest in doing the whole peeing on the potty thing, unless of course she's at school. At school she's all about making a good impression on her teachers by dropping her pants/diaper and attempting to 'go' on the potty. At home it's a whole different story. At home she tells us, "But I don't want to sit on the potty at home, I only sit on the potty at school."

And then The Land of Jordan flew to Mexico for a vacation. And on that vacation something amazing happened: Jordan ONLY wanted to pee on the potty! HUH???? Yep, we felt the same way! She was quite clear how she would not be peeing in her diapers any longer and that she needed to pee on the potty "just like Addy" (her little buddy) and how she had to go back to school b/c she had to tell Gail (her teacher) that she's peeing on the potty. This conversation happened 5-6 times per day. Of course after each successful potty pee we did a crazy, silly, YIPEE-YOU-DID-THE-PEE dance. And Mommy could be found muttering on about how she was so happy J0-Jo decided to have this break-thru pee experience in Mexico b/c she was sure she had not packed enough diapers!

And then The Land of Jordan flew back to NJ. Where automatic flushing toilets exist. Where said toilets decide to airplane-vacuum-suck anything in the stall at random times which nearly included sucking my child's tush off. After peeling a 1/2 naked still had not peed Jo-Jo from my arms b/c she was so freaked out by the random flushing toilet she informs me: "Mommy, I only want to pee on the potty at school and in Mexico."

Somehow we manage to overcome our "only at school and in Mexico" demand and we now have Jordan peeing on the potty full time at home, and at school. (oh yeah, and in Mexico too)

And then I take her to FAO Schwarz today w/her buddy Chase. What could possibly ruin an amazing day in one of the largest toy stores in the world???? The pee break.

The pee break nearly sent me over the edge into an institution. Sympathetic grins and smiles from various women in the bathroom while the pee break took place did not make me feel any better.

Here's how it all played out: Took Jordan into the public bathroom, she's already freaked out b/c she thinks it's one of those automatic possessed flushing toilets. Luckily this time it is not an automatic one. So I have to show her how Mommy is not afraid and how Mommy can pee and it's all good. (let go of the visual please)......Now it's Jo-Jo's turn. Pants down, pull-up down, 14 of those stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers in place, Jordan safely planted on stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers, and no pee along w/meltdown #1 happens. Off comes Jordan along w/9 of the stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers. The other 5 fell into the toilet! Reasoning thru meltdown #1 not going over so well. Attempt #2: back on the toilet except now Jordan has decided that if stays stiff and not bendable then she won't have to take this pee break. Now it's Mommy's turn for a bit of a meltdown. More reasoning and another plant the child to pee attempt. No luck again. No more reasoning, now it's just plain pissed off Mommy insisting she pee. (in case you've lost count or track.....Jordan is winning) I even tried to hold her up thinking she could pee like that, and at the same time thinking about how if she actually did pee like that she would surely pee directly onto me! Trying now to calm down. No more pissed off Mommy, now it's semi-defeated Mommy begging Jordan to pee.

OH MY GOD, losing my mind!!!!! So, the pull up comes up, I tell her to pee in that, she does and that's that. HA! You think that's that. Oh but wait, there's so much more. Since we are now wearing pull-ups we have to remove our pants to replace the pull-up, not like diapers where you could leave the pants on and replace the diaper w/a new one while the child is still standing. So, off come the boots (which are a pain in the ass to begin with), off comes the old pull-up, on goes the one and only back-up pull-up in Mommy's bag. And in the process I am quite sure Mommy was not being super soft and delicate while putting the new pull-up on b/c SHE RIPPED THE FRIGGIN PULL-UP APART and now it's unwearable. I say again: OH MY GOD, losing my mind!!!

Now Jordan is crying b/c the pull-up is 'broken', I'm having a rambling conversation w/her about peeing and how there's nothing to be afraid of, her boots are off, her pants are off, 2 pull-ups are on the floor, numerous stupid useless wax papery toilet seat covers are on the floor, I'm sweating, women outside our stall are giggling.....I'm beginning to think peeing only in Mexico and only in school is not such a bad idea.

Luckily I still had diapers in my bag.

So if over the next few years you're wondering why you haven't seen Jordan (or her Mommy & Mima for that matter)......we have moved to Mexico until Jordan turns 7 and is no longer afraid of public possessed toilets.

And that is all from The Land of Jordan!

Life According To A 3 Year Old......

2010-02-01T21:32:00.003-05:00

The Land of Jordan celebrated turning 3 recently! In fact, we are still celebrating. For all of you out there who share a December birthday.....holy month of presents! And look out if you come from a family who shares Hannukah & Xmas! Present overload!!!! And as if that's not enough, Jordan can't seem to wrap her head around why folks have taken down their Xmas lights when there's still snow on the ground: "but Mom, it's still Xmas cause that's why there's snow on the ground"....

We had our first (and hopefully last) visit to the ER in the month of December. To make a long story somewhat short, Jordan had a high fever and Mommy freaked cause Jordan was shaking uncontrollably and Mima was 2 hours away, so a 911 call took place and many uniformed individuals showed up at our house. We were driven to the hospital in an ambulance and the uniformed guy riding in the back w/us told the driver there was no need for the sirens/lights...that is until I insisted there was a major need for sirens/lights cause how often do I get to ride in an ambulance and blow past traffic? I mean come on, really? Give up a chance for sirens/lights? So we got the full on ambulance experience! (had Jordan not been lying on top of me during the ride I might have asked if I could drive the ambulance!!)

I am beginning to realize that Jordan is paying close attention to what is being said even when I think she's not paying attention. Case and point: Jo-Jo and I went to order Chinese food. We always share sweet & sour chicken together. I take one of those menus w/9,012 different Chinese items to choose from, grab a golf pencil being held in place by a plastic container filled w/rice, circle my sweet & sour chicken and we patiently wait for our food. Woman calls out my order when it's ready, "SWEET & SOUR PORK!" I go up to the counter (Jordan is off to the side playing w/something) and I explain quietly there's no way I ordered pork, I don't even really like pork. And then she shows me my menu where I circled sweet & sour pork.........UGH! So rather than wait for the correct food item to be prepared I decide I can pull this one off on Jordan. I pay for my pork (yuck) and we leave. As we're heading for the car little miss big ears says, "Mom, is that pork?" And in my head I'm going, "Are you kidding me? She heard all that? What the heck?" So I tell her it's chicken and it's gonna be so good when we get home. Well little miss big ears proceeds to GRILL ME the ENTIRE way home about what's in the bag!! "Mom, is it really chicken? I don't like pork. Is it pork? Did that lady say pork? Mom, is it really chicken? What's that smell Mom? It smells different." Now I'm freaking out internally cause she's just about past the hunger feed time window and I'm reaching my hunger feed time window and if this pork can't pass as chicken I'm screwed! So we get home, I talk up the 'chicken' and how it's gonna be so good and so much fun eating it together (mind you it smells TOTALLY different than when we get the chicken) and I plate the whole thing w/rice and she skeptically takes a fork full....sweat is dripping down my face......my mind is racing as to what the heck I'm gonna make for her if this doesn't go over well.....and then she says, "Yummy Mommy!! This is the best chicken I ever ate!!!" SCORE!!!!!!!!

Took Jordan (and her 2 cousins) ice skating a few weeks ago. I was so excited to do this w/her!! What a lame brain idea that was. Sounds great in theory...that is if you're child actually doesn't mind wearing 17 layers of clothing and being placed in a shoe w/a razor blade on the bottom. But I managed to get her out on the ice and of course she loved that part of it b/c what could be so bad about being held up by your arms by your Mom while she pushes you around and you're just hanging out as if you're in a parade and everyone is there to watch you? Twice around and I honestly thought I would never stand up straight again, my back was killing me!!!! Of course twice around was enough for Jo-Jo who then wanted off the ice immediately and out of the razor blade shoes only to venture out in search of "schnacks"....(snacks). The folks who built the ice rink: brilliant, gifted people. Why you ask? Because who else thinks to put an arcade/ski ball/air hockey room in an ice rink facility? Genius! So after paying nearly $60 to get us all in, spending MAYBE 30 minutes on the ice, paying another $25 for lunch.....I then find myself buying friggin tokens for the kids to play ski ball! Jordan will not be ice skating any time in the near future!

A few funny moments in The Land of Jordan:

- We had the baby sitter here Saturday for Jo-Jo b/c we were going out. Jordan asked, "Where are you going Mommy?" so I told her we're going to cousin Nancy's house and Jordan then asked, "Are you going to have a play date there?"

- Had the TV on the other day, women's basketball game was on, Jordan and I are working on a puzzle and a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial comes on which IMMEDIATELY catches Jordan's attention. The commercial ends w/a picture of a Reece's PB cup and Jordan says, "WOW WOW WOW WOW Mommy, that looks totally yummy!"

- Jordan informed me the other day that when she gets bigger and goes to the bigger kids school that I can go there too b/c I'll be bigger too, but, there won't be any treadmills there. (basically this means Jordan thinks all stay-at-home moms spend all their time on treadmills while the kids are in school)

- We seem to have a bit of curiousness about Heaven. It first started w/me talking about my cat Marco who died way before Jordan was born. She likes to hear all about Marco and wants to know "why Marco died out". And now we're discussing Heaven b/c my Dad died. So Jordan says, "Mom, Poppi and Marco are in the clouds?" and I tell her they are up there in the clouds in Heaven and she says, "Are they on an airplane?"

A few Mommy observations:

- You know you're spending too much time at one particular place when you're child yells out from the back seat of the car: "There's Target!"

- You know you're so super screwed when the usual bribe of "there will be no Olivia (her favorite show) if you don't....." is met w/your 3 year old not being phased in the least by the bribe! This has happened at least 4 times so far and each time I'm stumped, freaked, clueless and dumbfounded! She outsmarted me! She doesn't care if she misses Olivia!

- You know your child has a future w/the transportation authority when you are asked every single day in the car, "How you get down there Mommy?" and Mommy goes into the "you have to take the exit ramp" discussion.

- You know you're a total geek and total Mom when you realize you're rockin out in the car w/your child to Beyonce's "All The Single Ladies" performed by Alvin & The Chipmunks!

That would be all for now from The Land of Jordan. Stay tuned for Jordan's next update when she returns from her trip to Mexico! (Jordan decided she did not have to clear it w/her 2 mommies before inviting her teacher Linda to Mexico w/us. Oh and that same teacher got an invite via Jo-Jo to come over and play Disney Bingo at our house!)

Stay warm....stay safe!

Santa Is Still Scary When You Are 3.

2009-12-03T20:31:00.005-05:00

I know the Santa picture looks as if Jordan is enjoying herself but trust me, that smile happened once during a long meltdown period and there is a story behind that.........but first let me say hello and welcome back to The Land of Jordan! Today Jordan turned 3!!! Incredibly hard for me to wrap my head around 3 years zipping by. I love how folks would say to you before you gave birth, "Don't you worry, you won't remember much of the actual birth as time goes on..." Did these people become addicted to crack and that's why they don't remember? Because I remember every single detail of every single second before, during and after Jordan was born. Hence living by the "ONE AND DONE" motto!

But this isn't about me is it? It's about Jordan and the amazing 3 year old she has become.

It's about how Jordan answers "sure" when asked a yes or no question.

Or it's about how Jordan answers "sure not" when asked a yes or no question. "Sure not." How funny is that?

It's about how we try to crack each other up and how one day I must have really cracked her up because after she was done laughing she said, "good one Mom!" Now THAT was funny!

It's about "Mom, when I get older" and then she goes on and on about how she's going to draw a bigger picture b/c when you are older you can do that.

It's about "Mom, when YOU get older" and then she goes on and on about how I can go to her school and be in her classroom when I get older.

It's all about the fear she and all her little friends have of: 'THE MAN'....... "The man said you're not allowed to take the clothes off the mannequins!!" Or "The man said you have to stay in your seats!" Or "The man said the mall is closing even though it's only 11am and sunny outside.......the man said!" The ultimate power this 'MAN' has........

Oh and it's also about her, "I just have an idea" moments! Those are hilarious! "I just have an idea Mom. You hide right here. And I go and count. And I find you and you don't say BOO cause I just have an idea I will get scared."

It's also about when I ask her to read a book to me! One time she started 'reading' a book to me and she got to what I imagine was 'the good part' and instead of just telling me what happens next she says, "Mom...wait for it......wait for it......." and then proceeds to tell me! Now THAT was super funny!!!

It's also about how she is expanding her vocabulary to include words I overuse. When asked how her ice cream is she replies, "Totally yummy Mom."

Those are just a few of the awesome (another word I overuse often) things Jordan is doing lately. But let's move on, let's get to the Santa story. Why must there be a story w/Santa? Why can't it just be we had a picture taken w/Santa and all is good? Nope, no such luck.

Yes, I will readily admit I bribed my child to get her picture taken w/Santa. Listen, I knew way ahead of time that the big dude in the red suit was going to be just as scary this year as he was last year. So what's a Jewish mother to do? Bribe! Clearly guilting her into it was not going to work.

Here I am thinking I am so going to win this one! I am way smarter than a 3 year old. There is no way she's going to give me a hard time about this Santa guy. Afterall, we spent nearly 45 minutes beforehand talking about it. The deal was this: she could pick out candy from the candy kiosk and eat some before the Santa picture. And right after the Santa picture she could continue her candy eating b/c she will have done such a great job w/the Santa picture.

So, here we go: candy has been purchased. Jelly beans happened to be the candy of choice. Jelly beans were being consumed as we waited in the Santa picture taking line, all the while still going over and over our 'plan' of attack: go up, don't sit on his lap cause you don't want to, stand next to him, offer him a jelly bean, smile for the picture, and off we go for more cavity eating crap! All good. I am feeling confident, even if the 3 kids who were in front of us screamed their heads off as they were handed to the big dude in the red suit, I was still holding onto our 'plan'!

And we are up! Jelly beans for Santa are in the palm of my hand. Jordan turns the corner and sees Santa. THE CHILD LOSSES HER MIND!!!!!!!!! She crawled up my body and is now screaming crying in my arms, jelly beans are melting in my hand, I'm holding her jacket/the bag of jelly beans/and holding Jordan and now I'm sweating as if I just came out of a sauna! So I plead, I beg, I attempt to place her on Santa's bench, I attempt to place her standing next to Santa. It's as if Jordan dipped her hands in Super Glue and can not remove herself from my body. So now I sit next to Santa w/Jordan clinging to me and not facing the camera. Somehow I am able to distract Jordan w/the melting jelly beans in the palm of my hand that we have for Santa. As I'm distracting her I'm placing her on his lap and backing away from them, all the while I am screaming at the picture taking dude to just snap and don't stop snapping no matter what! And I'm still backing up and Jordan is flipping out crying and Mommy is still backing away.........and here's 'the good part' of the story.....but as Jordan likes to say: "wait for it, wait for it.........."

Mommy backed up into the lighting equipment! Mommy tripped. Mommy dumped jelly beans. Mommy caught lighting equipment as it was nearly crashing down. And what did Jordan do? LAUGHED AND SMILED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the camera dude who was so rudely instructed by me to keep snapping and don't stop actually caught the one moment where Jordan smiled!

Note to self: next year forget the candy, just wipe out the Santa set up!

Hope you all had an amazing Thanksgiving and hope you all have a fantastic rest of the holiday season!!!

The Land of Men?????

2009-10-20T13:08:00.003-04:00

We here who live in The Land of Jordan would like to send out a quick update to all of you. The Land of Jordan has shifted a bit. The child who lives w/two mommies & spends majority of her time surrounded by a posse of lesbian women, well this child is now experiencing her first real 'MAN CRUSH'........OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

Enter "Mr. Tim", Jo-Jo's gymnastics teacher. Mr. Tim seems to rock Jordan's world! Mr. Tim is quite aware of the 'man power' he has over our little Jo-Jo. Mr. Tim speaks, she listens. Mr. Tim moves to another area of the room, she follows. Mr. Tim gives a command and the child who is famous for pretending she never hears MY commands suddenly grows gigantic listening ears which only allow Mr. Tim's voice to penetrate thru them, and the command is followed.

It's the oddest thing to sit back and watch your nearly 3 year old child be crushed out on someone. Jordan gets these big loving eyes when she's around him. She smiles uncontrollably. She is constantly making sure he's watching her and she totally wants his approval for her attempts at the forward roll!

Granted Mr. Tim is quite cute but he's no Penelope Cruz!

.....It appears, for now, our daughter is taking the 'straight' road. I think I'm okay w/it. I'm going to seek out a support group for lesbian moms w/straight kids so when the time comes for Jordan to confide in us that she is in fact straight.......we will know the right things to say to her. (kidding)

Do you think it's more intimidating for a teenage boy to come to the home of the girl he's interested in where a mom and dad reside or 2 moms and a posse answer the door? I think I'm onto something here....I feel a reality show in the making happening right now in my head! Stay tuned!!!!

On a completely different note: Jordan would like to know why there is a bug on her cousin's belly and why the bug is making her cousin feel sick. (Christianna has a 'stomach bug' today and is home sick). Try explaining that one to a nearly 3 year old!

That's all from the Land of Jordan for now.......

A Day In The Life of Jo-Jo

2009-09-30T20:20:00.004-04:00

Anybody up for a little trip? Let's climb aboard and visit The Land of Jordan. This journey will give you complete access to the daily conversations I have w/Jordan. Shall we begin? A play-by-play of our day?

Mornings:

- 1st question upon waking: "Where Chase?" "Chasey sleeping too?" And no matter what my answer might be to these questions she always follows it up w/the ever-so-annoying "Why?"

- 2nd question: "You want to play w/me Mommy?" I mean that's just a silly question seeing how I'm always looking for someone to play w/me!!! What a perfect pair we make! I'm currently teaching Jordan how to return my ping pong serve!!!

- 3rd question: "Where we going?" Which I guess is to be expected seeing how I never ever stay home and we are always out and about doing something someplace somewhere.

Next we move onto discussing the animals of the world:

- 4th question: "Mommy, did you see that 'chipmonkey'?

- new observation: "Mommy, look at the 'chipmonkey', he left 'foot-A-prints'! It's as if I'm having a conversation w/a tiny Italian woman, "foot-A-prints".....very funny!!!

Now we enter the silly phase of the day:

- while staring at a picture of Hannah Montana, Jordan sneezes and says, "Mommy! I bless you'd on Hannah 'Nantana'...!"

- "I OKAY MOMMY" comes from a room nowhere near where I am in the house after a tremendous 'THUD' was heard.

- upon discovering something new: "What that all about Mommy?"

- after attempting to lasso Nina the cat w/the hula hoop: "Nina not very nice."

- realizing I have said something Jordan totally does not understand: "What you say Mommy?" which is the new version of "WHY" cause now I find myself explaining what I originally said in a totally different way only to be followed up w/the: "What you say now Mommy?"........

The car continues to be a fun and interesting place:

- we are constantly playing "I SPY" together, however Jordan's version of this is: "I spy MY little eye......"and then she chooses something so silly cute for me to find in the world. And God forbid I go out of turn...."No Mommy, it's my turn now."

- demanding to have and hold the navigation system b/c, well, she said to me: "I have to check my e-mail Mommy" and once she was finished checking her 'e-mail' she handed it back to me and insisted I check my e-mail too.

Nosey body:

- "Who that?" after I get off the phone.

New favorite food:

- coffee ice cream seems to be the new favorite ice cream flavor! And look out if she eats too much too fast........."Ouch Mommy.....'BURN FREEZE'........." (for brain freeze in case you didn't speak Jo-Jo)

- "I want that" as she's scoffing down my caesar salad.

Becoming incredibly aware of her sense of smell:

- "What that stinky smell?" when she passes gas!! How does she think we feel???

Those are just a few of the funny and interesting things we hear on a daily basis. The conversations are endless. From the minute she wakes up until she is passing out in her crib at night, Jordan talks non-stop!!! She even continues talking once we put her down for the night and sometimes those are the funniest things to hear thru the monitor.

One particular night we had gone to dinner w/Chase and the two of them wound up fighting about something. They are both so stubborn. She antagonized him and he pushed her. Long story short: she cried and he was told to apologize to her. Of course they were best buds w/in 3 seconds after the fight. But that night when she went to bed I heard her over the monitor: "Chase, it's not nice to hit. We don't hit Chase. Say you're sorry." and then she'd pretend to be Chase and I'd hear, "SORRY" in this silly voice. And she had this same conversation for nearly 30 minutes, "Chase, it's not nice to hit. We don't hit Chase. Say you're sorry."......"SORRY".......

Hope you enjoyed your journey today.

The Land of Jordan would like to thank everyone who donated and helped me reach my fund raising goal for The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. The 39.2 mile walk is in 10 days.......I hope to make each of you super proud of me. But mostly I hope to be a part of stopping this horrific disease.

Until next time..............enjoy the change of season!!!

"Why Mommy?"

2009-08-16T21:40:00.003-04:00

Welcome back to The Land of Jordan. Currently we are going by a whole new name: The Land of 'Why Mommy'?

Everything discussed in this land is immediately followed up w/one question: "Why Mommy?" And if we are really in a hurry we just get the "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"

It's so interesting to hear yourself answering the 'why' questions. Of course you know as you're nearing the end of your discussions w/your child you will be met w/the 'why' question so you attempt to prepare a 'why' answer even before you have finished the discussion. "Why Mommy?" And Mommy goes into some really rational detailed explanation as to why we call them seagulls and not eagles. "Why Mommy?" So Mommy tries a different angle explaining in more simple terms why there is not a baby in Chase's belly. "Why Mommy?" And Mommy feels her patience slipping away as she's attempting to quickly explain why we don't eat pine cones. "Why Mommy?" Now Mommy has been pushed over the 'why' cliff and realizes there is no rational, simple answer to any or all of these questions, nor will the 'why' questions ever go away until you freak out on your child and you hear yourself screaming EXACTLY what your parents screamed at you: "BECAUSE I SAID SO!" For some odd, strange, yet to be explained reason, the 'because I said so' answer seems to halt the 'why' questions. And all is good in the world until the next discussion starts which usually happens 30 seconds after your freak out moment.

Here's a list of a few things happening in Jordan's life:

- Jordan had camp for the first time this summer. Camp is really pre-school in a bathing suit.

- We have managed to get rid of the car paci! We accompanied Jo-Jo to the garbage can as she was encouraged to toss the ripped paci out.

- If you see a child hugging a tree in a neighborhood near you it's probably Jordan. Yep, she's a tree hugger. She can not pass up a tree w/out wrapping her body around it. What is that all about?

- If you happen to be at the Montville Park and smell something not so great, no worries. It's Jordan's diaper full of poop! This child poops every single time we go to that park. For real, not kidding, every single time we are there she poops. It's the 'Poop Park'. And I'm convinced the ice cream man waits for Jordan to poop, watches me take her to the back of our car, remove her shorts, begin the process of de-pooping and only then does he turns on that ice cream music which must be laced w/acid or some mind tripping drug b/c every kid is now losing their mind (including mine who has yet to get a new diaper on and is trying to get out of the car w/out clothes on) as he's pulling up to the curb.

- Have you ever noticed what happens to a group of 2 year olds when one of the moms opens a snack for their child? They become seagulls! It's as if they have supersonic listening skills and they hear the 'rip' of a Cheese-It bag from miles away and they all come running and start circling the mom who opened the snack. Of course it's even funnier when you give one kid a bag of snacks and all the other kids are circling the kid w/the snacks. The snack kid can't hand the snacks out fast enough to the 'seagulls' and by the time the snack kid does get to hand the snacks out the 'seagulls' are ready for more which means the snack kid never actually gets to eat any of the snacks b/c the snack kid is too busy being polite knowing that if the snack kid is not polite and does not share, the bag will be immediately ripped from the snack kid's hands by some polite policing mom!

- I had my first dance lesson from Jordan. We were rockin out in the kitchen just being silly and dancing to some booty shaking song when Jordan turns to me and says, "No Mommy. You got to put your knees together like this." So I put my knees together and ask, "Like this Jo-Jo?" And she says, "Yeah Mommy, now shake your booty" as she's doing her best booty shakin move so I join in and give it my best booty shakin move and I hear, "Oh good job Mommy!!!"

- Malu and I witnessed Jordan & Chase french kissing a few weeks ago. Needless to say we were a bit speechless and freaked out. Of course in a perfect world our reaction would have been a calm, "Okay you two, we don't do that, please stop" or something along those lines. But in our world, the reality world, our reaction was total silence at first and then, "OH MY GOD!" "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?" "STOP DOING THAT!!!!!" And you know what happened next right? "Why Mommy?"

- Jordan told me and Mima the other day, "The moon has 2 mommies." How cute is that?

- Jordan is convinced she has a little sister. Her name is Nina. So now our cat has become the little sister.

- We were driving somewhere a few days ago and Jordan asked me if she could have something to which I replied no (for whatever reason) so she started to ask Mima the same question and I said, "Jo-Jo I already told you can't have that" and then Jordan said to me, "I talking to Mima Mommy......." which really meant, "Don't care what you said Mommy b/c I have a work around plan for this."

- Finally had Jo-Jo officially weighed at the pediatrician's office. Our little girl is 22.8 pounds. Lauren, the mom of Jo-Jo's friend likes to describe Jordan as "air" or "like you're lifting a piece of popcorn" which I think is super funny and quite true.

- "I do myself" seems to be heard quite a bit in our house. I'm hoping tomorrow night when it's bath time Jordan gives me the "I do myself" line.

- Mommy jumped out of a plane a few weeks ago (sky diving w/Goobie & Jenn) and Jordan can't seem to figure out why I would jump out of a small plane and not a big plane...? This is one of the 'why' conversations we have nearly everyday. She also wants to know, "Mommy? You got a boo-boo when you jump out of plane?" and doesn't seem satisfied that I did not get a boo-boo from the jump. "Why Mommy? Why did you not get boo-boo?" I think she wants me to have a boo-boo.......

Wrapping it up from The Land of Jordan. Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Liberty and the Pursuit of Refreshments

2009-06-07T20:42:00.005-04:00

Today 'The Land of Jordan' went to Madison Square Garden for The NY Liberty's opening day game. Jordan has been to 3 other NY Liberty games but of course those happened in past seasons and she was obviously much younger and we'd have to leave by halftime if not sooner. Now that Jordan is somewhat 'older' she can grasp a few things we throw at her, like: "We're going to Amy's (it's Amy's b/c our friend Amy works for the Liberty therefore in my mind and I guess Jordan's too she has acquired an entire WNBA team) Liberty basketball game today" which is followed by her usual round of questions: "Jakey Bilotti go too? And Chasey too?" So after explaining that yes Jakey will be there, but Chasey won't be there, we are cleared to head into NY.

Of course once you exit the Lincoln Tunnel the world becomes a different place. There are people everywhere, walking, running, biking, driving, honking ("Mommy, why beeping?" "Because that person is driving like they're still in NJ honey and this is NY."). It's funny watching and hearing what your child observes, that is until your child observes the man on the corner selling pretzels and your child starts flipping out in the car demanding a pretzel and your child won't/can't listen to reason b/c the pretzel man is right there on the corner practically dangling the pretzel in front of your child as you are stopped at a traffic light and can't move! Wait until she discovers the guy who sells roasted nuts!

Into The Garden we go. Jordan is pretty excited. She enjoys the escalator ride up. She enjoys seeing all the people. She claps when we get to our seats and she seems very in awe of the entire arena. Jordan's man Jake arrives and suddenly the world is such a better place for the two of them. They were VERY cute sitting next to each other watching what was happening on the court. And they seemed to be very into eating their Madison Square Garden pizza until.........nope, not the pretzel guy...........this time it's the man carrying the never ending supply of Liberty Dr. Seuss looking hats w/bags of cotton candy attached to them on this really long white pole that you can see coming from any part of the HUGE arena. As if that's not enough to get a kids attention, now, instead of walking up and down the aisles screaming, "COTTON CANDY HERE", they must have had a meeting on how to entice more kids and are now walking up and down the aisles screaming, "CANDY HERE, CANDY HERE!!!!!" Are you kidding? I mean come on! What kid is not going to want to attack that guy? And what kid is not going to bug the heck out of their parents for that CANDY? Sure enough Jake and Jordan stopped eating lunch and started flipping out for that CANDY.

We (the parents) stood strong for a good amount of time but at some point you lose your mind and start throwing ridiculous, just as bad diversions at the kids: "Who wants ice cream?" So back to the concession stand, again. Two small cups which contained very large amounts of dripping ice cream covered in sprinkles which for some reason wound up sitting on my lap and both kids (one on each side of me) begin scooping/shoveling said ice cream. Not a good situation.

And here comes that annoying hat/cotton candy dude again, "CANDY HERE, CANDY HERE!!!!" Suddenly the ice cream isn't all that.

Next on the list: popcorn. Yes, yes I know. Choking hazard. Yeah, well so is that really long white pole the cotton candy guy is holding which I wanted to shove down his throat to make him stop yelling about CANDY!

So yes, popcorn came next. And that held a level of happiness for quite some time.

At this point we are nearing the end of the 3rd quarter which I think is awesome b/c like I said, last year we never made it past halftime.

Just as the kids are beginning to melt the camera dude shows up! So I lift Jordan up above me and tell her to watch the big TV (the jumbo-tron or whatever that huge thing is called) and I start wiggling her and getting her to dance. She's glued to the big TV and suddenly she sees herself up there and she gets this HUGE smile on her face and I can hear all these people around me start cracking up b/c seriously, could she be any cuter? And Jake was up on the TV too. Soooooo cute. And when it's all said and done Jordan turns around to me and says, "More Mommy, more!!!" As if I control who & what goes up on the TV at The Garden.

So we leave our first Liberty game of the season and head back to Jersey. Our car ride home was filled w/Jordan's endless (not kidding) babbling about "Amy's LibERY" (not LiberTy, LibERY) "Mommy, you climb up steps, and you see Amy's LibERY?" "And Mommy, I climb up steps by myself and I see Amy's LibERY too?" "Ohhhh look!!!! It's Amy's LibERY!!!!" (a painting on the side of a building) "Ohhhh look!!!! It's more Amy's LibERY!!!!!" (a truck which had the Statue of Liberty on it) "Mommy I want more Amy's LibERY!!!!" How cool is that? My child likes women's basketball!!! Either that or she just likes all the crap we fed her tonight and just assumes she'll get that each time we go to see "Amy's LibERY".

And onto other non-basketball things.

Here are a few things we've been experiencing in The Land of Jordan:

- Jordan wakes up one morning, first thing she says to me is: "Mommy, Jakey has a peanut" which of course was really: "Mommy, Jakey has a penis". Interesting first conversation to start our day off.

- Teachers at Jordan's school have been telling me how the boys love Jordan. And how she will wind up w/a different boy each class just sitting and talking until the one day the teachers had to intervene when Jordan and I believe it was Justin were pulling their shirts up showing each other...............belly buttons...........?

- "Who that boy?" "Who that girl?" If we see someone we don't know.

- "My Mommy" as she's hugging my leg making it known to all that I am in fact her mommy and don't think you're getting a piece of me.

- We have moved away from the fake smile when she knows I'm annoyed or stressed out at her. Now we go with: "Mommy, you happy?" which of course is an awesome thing for a kid to say when you're about to lose it b/c it never fails to make me smile and in fact make me happy.

- We are still convinced that every single airplane in the sky has Bubby & Pop-Pop on it.

- Sadly Jordan has given up her obsession w/the show WORD WORLD. I feel a void in my life and continue to DVR the show b/c I'm in complete denial. I love that show. We are now intrigued/fascinated/obsessed with: GO DIEGO GO.

- I might have ruined my child by insisting we spend as little time as possible at home just b/c I can't sit still. Jordan tells me at least 4 times a day as we're driving towards home, "No home Mommy, no home!!!"

That's all from The Land of Jordan, for now!!! Hope everyone is starting off their summer in a good way.

The Land of Bossy

2009-05-05T19:40:00.004-04:00

Christina once gave me a book titled "How to Outwit Squirrels" which I read from cover to cover b/c I was determined to stop the squirrels from getting into our bird feeders. In the end, I was the one who was outwitted and the squirrels won. I find myself once again being outwitted but this time it's by Jordan and I can't for the life of me find the "How to Outwit Your Two Year Old" book!!!

Jordan seems to have graduated with honors from the 'Torture Your Mother' school. My Mom told me Jordan is a little mini version of me which was not so great to hear b/c I put my parents thru hell!

This sweet little quiet child has turned into a demanding bossy impatient loud mouth!! And she knows when she has pushed my buttons and when I'm at the point of losing my mind. How does she know this you ask? This daughter of mine will give you the most FAKE smile she can muster up right at the moment you are about to flip your lid and it's hilarious! I try very, very hard not to laugh but there are times when it just catches me off guard and I bust out laughing b/c she has totally played me and I am totally defeated and SHE IS TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just this week she has decided to add a fake hug into the mix along w/the fake smile. Where does she come up w/this stuff?

And b/c of this new area of the 2's that we are currently visiting I have been forced to take on a few part time jobs. For example:

- SHORT ORDER COOK: "I want 'sumpin' else" when the meal option is just not that appealing any longer.

- JULIE, CRUISE SHIP DIRECTOR: "Where we going" is the question each and every morning, which basically means "How are you going to entertain me today?"

- ADMIN. ASSISTANT: "I want to call Bubby & Pop-Pop. Mommy, you call Bubby?"

- DJ: "I no like this song Mommy. I want new song."

- WENCH: "Mommy you follow me!"

- EVENT PLANNER: "Mommy we have tea party now?"

Jordan's new thing is "I help you Mommy." No matter what it is I am doing I get the "I help you Mommy." So this week have had help making the coffee(I think we put 1/2 the bag into one pot), sweeping the floors(of course the wet Cheerios got mushed into the floors as the sweeping was happening), loading the laundry into the machines(I had to convince Jordan that Nina the cat was really not interested in going into the washer machine), dragging the garbage cans back down the driveway after garbage day but this was quickly followed up with: "Too heavy Mommy. That too heavy. You do." Funny thing is, when I let Jordan know it's time to put her toys away she decides helping just isn't all that interesting. So she is selectively helping me. Once again, played by the two year old!

Onto other things...........................

I took Jordan to her first ever movie!!!!!! We went to go see Disney's "EARTH" and what a cool time we had. Of course her boyfriend Chase was there too. It was like Jordan and Chase were on their first date but their mommies were there w/them. I'm not sure what was more exciting to them: the movie or the bag of popcorn they devoured. But what was really funny was this: I sit Jordan in her own seat and b/c she weighs next to nothing the seat just snapped back up so all you could see was her head and her feet b/c she was sandwiched in that seat!!! I had to sit w/my hand on her chair for the entire time we were there.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there! Hope you enjoy your day.

Conversations (and tantrums) With Jordan

2009-04-08T20:01:00.003-04:00

Hello from The Land of Jordan! A land where one single child can test and break your sanity before you even have a chance to realize you're losing your mind. That same single child can then reel you back in w/her kisses and hugs and make you second guess your sanity break.

Jordan has become quite the vocal entertainer lately. I spend much of my day having conversations w/Jordan which I just realized today are pretty much conversations of me repeating CORRECTLY what she was trying to say.

For example, Jordan's new thing is to run into the room shouting, "HERE MY AM!!!" Which really means, "here I am".

And then we have the new fascination w/airplanes. It took 30 flights but she's finally interested in the whole airplane/airport experience. Every single day she says to me, "Mommy, airport day?" Which is always followed up with: "I ON PLANE MORROW!!" Meaning, "I'm going on a plane tomorrow". Once she realizes we are not going on a plane and we are certainly not going anywhere near the airport she decides: "BUBBY POP-POP PLANE MORROW!!" I love how Bubby AND Pop-Pop are not two separate people but just one person: Bubby Pop-Pop.

We also have another new topic we seem to discuss on a daily basis: "I ON CATION WITH JAKEY?" This is always posed as a question. So I have to tell Jordan that yes, she will go on vacation w/Jakey again but just not today. And this leads us into the pool discussion. She then wants to know: "I POOL DAY?" To which I seem to always be letting my child down by replying: "No honey, today is not a pool day b/c we seem to be living in Alaska now and the weather is just never warm enough for a pool day, can I interest you in some ice fishing?"

I like how my two year old tries to use some type of psychology on me when she doesn't want to do something, like, go to school: "NO SCHOOL DAY MOMMY" as if I just might buy into that and say, "Oh okay, you're right Jordan, there's no school today."

Oh and we also have the "NO HOME" and 2 seconds later the "YES HOME" tantrum on most days. This usually happens when she's wicked tired and just can't get it together. And this is the one 'conversation' that puts me over the edge. She'll say, "no home" so I follow it up with, "okay no home" and then she'll flip out and scream, "YES HOME" so I'll try and calm her and I say, "okay yes home" and then she loses her mind screaming, "NOOOOOO HOOOOME" and now I'm losing my mind and the two of us look like idiots b/c she's screaming and I'm attempting to tell her that she's confusing the &*@% out of me. UGH! This scene always ends w/me tossing my child (kidding) into the car seat and instantly stopping the meltdown by sticking the paci into her mouth. And suddenly the world is silent and I'm left sweating.

When Jordan notices something new she now says, "HEY WHAT THAT?" She seemed to be interested in the cell phone towers for about a week, "hey what that" and then we moved onto people in wheelchairs "hey what that" and this week our interests are ambulances or police cars or anything w/lights and sirens "hey what that?".

Jordan doesn't like you to do things that someone else has been doing for her. Like each night Mima reads this one specific book to Jordan before bed. If Mima is out of town on business and I pick that book up to read it to Jordan she tells me: "NO MIMA DO THAT" which basically means: do not even think about reading that book to me you stupid woman, that is Mima's job dumb ass! The other day I said something to her and she promptly turned around and said, "NO AMY DO THAT" which meant I was not allowed to say this specific thing b/c Amy is the one who has always said this therefore nobody else is allowed to say it.

We are no longer listening to the "NAH NAH NAH" (Pink's 'SO WHAT') song in the car, thank God. But we are now obsessed with this Sesame Street CD. I have noticed lately when I go to the post office or the dry cleaners I find myself singing, "Oh these are the people in your neighborhood.....the people that you meet each day" which meant it was time for a change. So now Jordan and I are taking turns w/our music. We get in the car and she asks, "Jordan's song?" so I play a song off the CD and once that ends she asks, "Mommy's song?" so I flip to the radio and we listen to one song on the radio and once that song ends she asks, "Jordan's song?" and we're back to the CD. I feel like a deejay driving a wagon.

For quite awhile, anytime we walked into a supermarket (be it Whole Foods or one of those 'other' places) Jordan would say, "MIMA'S WORK" which is very cute b/c she was putting it together. But that has since changed. Now I hear "MIMA'S WORK" every day as we drive past the BMW dealer b/c Mima has been having some tire issues and we seem to be either dropping Mima off there or picking Mima up there a lot. So Mima now works for BMW and is currently offering some really good lease options for those of you who might be interested.

The Land of Jordan wishes everyone a Happy Passover and a Happy Easter.

Posse Dominican Republic Trip 2/2009

2009-03-07T08:57:00.002-05:00

A Few Random Things.......

2009-03-03T12:08:00.007-05:00

It's been quite awhile since my last Land Of Jordan update which isn't such a bad thing b/c now I have lots to catch you all up on.

Where to start? Let's see:

- Jordan (and The Posse) just returned from their Dominican Republic trip. Jordan has now been on 28 planes. You would think after 28 flights this child would understand that you must wait for the plane to be in the air AND for the captain to give the okay for us to pull out the DVD player. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I have come to realize that Jordan now associates flying w/getting to watch endless amounts of videos and she doesn't seem to care that the captain has not given the 'it is now okay to use portable electronic devices' speech. I think for Jordan's next flight I'm going to ask if she can ride up front w/the pilots. Let them deal w/it.

- Jordan started pre-school, or what I like to refer to as: pre, pre, pre-school b/c I mean come on, she's 2. Can we really say this is school? What I can say is this: it is 2 hours twice a week that I leave my daughter w/someone else and this amazing feeling of pre, pre, pre-child comes over me b/c I am what I like to refer to as: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! Let's take today for instance. I dropped Jordan off, well, she was actually pulled off my body b/c she was crying and clinging and not wanting to be left there b/c she told me: "no school day mommy". (I was told she stopped crying after 3 minutes and did great for the rest of the class) Let's get back to me shall we? So I decide to spend my 2 hours running a few errands. I'm driving in the car w/the radio CRANKED and I'm singing at the top of my lungs and drumming the heck out of the steering wheel when I realize how much of a dork I am b/c this is all happening in a wagon!!!! UGH! There were a few times I found myself glancing in the rearview mirror at the empty car seat and having a slight moment of panic wondering why Jordan was not in it!

- Speaking of listening to the radio in the car: Jordan has now decided that the ONLY song we can EVER listen to in the car is a song by PINK called "SO WHAT". It's a pretty cool song....that is until you've listened to it over and over and over and over again. She calls it the "Nah Nah Nah song mommy" and God forbid I let another track from the CD play......."NO MOMMY - NAH NAH NAH SONG MOMMY!!!!!!!!" Kinda funny and strange at the same time to hear our 2 year old singing, "So, so what? I am a rock star. I've got my rock moves, and I don't need you tonight. And you're a tool so, so what?" Jordan saying "you're a tool" is so funny b/c it makes me wonder, is she thinking this person is a hammer? Or a screw driver? Maybe a wrench?

- Oh, I have to go back to the school thing for a minute. So at the school they do not allow the moms to hang out in the hallways by the classrooms b/c they don't want the kids to see us. Of course I totally get that knowing how if Jordan saw me out there she'd start crying again and demand they let her out of the room. Today, a few us moms are hanging out in the 'cafe' doing what moms do best: talk. All of a sudden one of the moms lets out a gasp! So I turn around and another mom turns around to see what's up and as we are looking thru the floor to ceiling glass window we see OUR kids walking in the hallway w/their teachers. And this is where it gets so super funny: within a split second, the other mom and I literally JUMP out of our chairs and DIVE behind not only the table but behind one of the other moms sitting there!!!!! And here were are on the floor of this 'cafe', crouched down, pretending that if we don't look up maybe, just maybe we could pass ourselves off as either chairs or tables or just random pieces of furniture.....?!!!! Oh and the mom that we are hiding behind? She's still in her chair but has taken the entire top 1/2 of her body and positioned it UNDER the table!!!!!! Seriously, the more I think about the reaction we had the more I laugh at this. We never spoke about an action plan if the kids came walking by, we just acted and acted exactly the same!!

- Christina and I continue to be amazed at how Jordan can flip her "paci" (pacifier) in her mouth w/out using her hands. (no paci comments please, she will eventually be weened off this thing. If you feel it necessary to make a paci comment we will come back at you w/what my Aunt Evie and my mom like to say: "you've never seen anyone walk down the aisle w/a pacifier in their mouth have you?") Anyway, I like to put it in her mouth upside down just to watch her spin it in her mouth until it's in the correct position. Of course both Christina and I have tried to do this and have failed miserably. I feel that by failing the paci spin move we are ruining our lesbian reputation!!! And speaking of the paci, I am blown away by how that little thing can stop meltdowns in a matter of seconds. Jordan can be screaming, crying, having a total fit about something - but the second that paci enters her mouth the world stands still! She just stops. Instantly. Lately, as I watch and listen to Christina rant on about something, I find myself wondering if I take that little paci and just plop it in her mouth will she just stop? Instantly? Oh man, I could be onto something here.

That's your Land Of Jordan update for now. More to come soon!!!

Two's And The Terrible

2009-01-29T11:00:00.005-05:00

I finally figured out why everyone calls it "the terrible two's"! I know you think it's b/c your child has hit the age where they can make choices and decisions and somewhat verbalize what they are feeling or thinking, good or bad. You could not be more WRONG! It has absolutely NOTHING to do w/that. The 'terrible two's' are about two specific things: SPLIT PERSONALITIES! As in TWO very different personalities. And that's what makes it so terrible.

In this corner, weighing in at 20.44 pounds, we have: Jo-Jo. The fun loving, easy going, sweet talking little girl.

And in this corner we have, also weighing in at 20.44 pounds: No-Jo. The not so fun loving, not so easy going, not such a sweet talker little girl.

Jo-Jo is known for her hugs and giggles and kisses.

No-Jo is famous for her body slamming to the ground, legs kicking, screaming cries of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jo-Jo likes to sit down w/us at dinner and eat what we are eating.

No-Jo enjoys spitting out what we have served for dinner.

Jo-Jo likes to brush her teeth.

No-Jo finds brushing her teeth a waste of time and would much rather brush Nina's (our cat) teeth.

These are just a few of the differences we experience while spending time w/these two personalities. Thank God they don't call it "The Threatening Three's" b/c I don't think we have any room for another personality!

Onto other things: Jordan started school this week!!!! This basically means she goes to class 2 days a week for 2 hours without her Mommy. Of course Jordan was great for her first day (a shortened session, 45 minutes to break them in) and Mommy (that would be me) also did great. I had expected to cry but did not cry and I have to say I felt total disappointment in NOT crying. I was all worked up knowing I was going to be sobbing in the hallway but the sobs never came. Could it be b/c the teachers pushed the parents out of the room so quickly that I didn't even have time to register what was happening? Could it be b/c I peaked thru the little skinny window in the door and witnessed Jordan being totally cool playing inside the room? Or was it that I could not wait to get to the cafeteria and actually be able to sit and eat something from start to finish?

And for Jordan's 2nd day of school (today) she decided to wake up w/a nasty cough and runny nose which means we are now 1-1 when it comes to school. Looks like she's taking after me so far in the school department!

Speaking of the whole school thing - the amount of paperwork you are required to fill out is craziness. So many questions, all of which I did my very best to be super honest about:

1 - IS YOUR CHILD POTTY TRAINED - are you kidding? of course she's not potty trained. who has time for that? feel free to take this job off my hands and potty train her for me, much appreciated!

2 - DOES YOUR CHILD LISTEN TO COMMANDS WELL - ummm, she's 2, what do you think?

3 - DOES YOUR CHILD SHARE - sure she does, if there are no other kids around.

4 - WHAT DO YOU HOPE YOUR CHILD LEARNS FROM THIS CLASS - how to fold laundry, clean up toys, make the bed, set up the DVR, oh and to tell N0-Jo she is not welcome here anymore!

It's funny how you find yourself trying to teach your child so many things every single day. Like colors or letters or shapes. Only thing is, I think Jordan is testing me. For real! I'll have a red crayon in my hand and ask, "Jordan what color is this crayon?" and she'll answer, "blue" and I'll say, "Not blue, it's red" and her response is what makes me think she's testing me: "right, red!"

Or I will ask her "what's Mommy's name?" and she'll answer, "mommy" so I say, "yes, but it's also Stacey" and she says, "right, Stacey!" Sometimes I feel psyched as if I just got the question right!

Jordan no longer finds the word 'no' all that appealing. She seems rather attatched to "nope" these days. "Want some fruit?" "Nope." "Want to take a nap?" "Nope." It used to be when she would answer 'no' I would follow it up w/a: "no thank you" in an effort to train her into good manners but I'm finding it hard to follow up the 'nope' w/a: "nope thank you", just doesn't seem to flow as well.

That's all from THE LAND OF JORDAN for now.

"Where Moon Go Mommy?"

2009-01-13T19:36:00.005-05:00

Jo-Jo seems to have entered into the I-will-ask-you-the-same-3-questions-over-and-over-all-day-every-single-day phase of her life. The first question: "Where moon go Mommy?" is asked of us whether it's dark outside or light outside. If it's light outside she's given the response of: "Jo-Jo, the moon is sleeping b/c the sun is out now, it's light outside." To which she then gives her much shorter version of our answer: "Moon night-night." If it's dark outside when she poses the moon question to us we either run outside to see if we can find the moon or we run from window to window in our house searching for the moon. 9 times out of 10 we have no idea where the friggin moon is and that brings us back to: "Where moon go Mommy?"

The next question is: "Where animals go Mommy?" This question arose b/c we started feeding the squirrels and birds every day. Of course the friggin squirrels and birds eat so damn fast and then disappear leaving Jo-Jo to wonder outloud: "Where animals go Mommy?" So, if it's morning I use: "The animals are still sleeping" line. If it's mid-morning I use: "The animals are resting b/c they are full" line. If it's the afternoon I use: "The animals are napping" line. If it's dark outside I go with: "The animals are all back in their houses sleeping" line. These usually work for all of 3 seconds and just as I turn my back on Jordan thinking she's good w/my answer I'm hit with: "Where animals go Mommy?"

The 3rd question started right after the holidays when people started taking down their outside decorations. Our neighbor Vinny up the block had one of those blow up polar bears on his lawn for like a month. And every night we'd drive by it and Jordan would get all excited and say, "Polar bear Mommy!!" and we'd wave to the polar bear. Then one night the polar bear wasn't there. You know that Law & Order music/sound, the "duh-duh" sound? Well I swear that happend in my car. I was all kinds of tense, just waiting for it to sink in for J0-Jo and then I get the, "Where polar bear go Mommy?" So I told Jordan the polar bear is in Vinny's garage until next year and now every single day when I'm asked 4,012 times: "Where polar bear go Mommy" I throw it back to Jordan with: "Who's garage is the polar bear in?" And she says, "Vinny's garage" with a very cute smile.

Today Jordan woke up and the very first thing she said when I walked into her room was, "Where animals go Mommy?" My God! Are they like little robots? Turn them back on in the morning and they start off right where they left off?

We spend major amounts of time on these 3 questions. I am asked all 3 of these questions at least 100 times while driving. Thank God for buses and trucks and flags and signs b/c they create a diversion every once in awhile.

Jordan has been spending a lot of time drawing/coloring/painting at the very cool art table she got from 'her man' Jake (and Jake's mommy Gina). I felt compelled to supply her w/every art pencil/crayon/marker/paint out there. No surprise that I'd purchase the washable markers. So the other day Jordan wanted to use her markers. Mima was sitting on the couch working on her laptop (translation: lost in space) and I was busy doing either laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. So I say to Mima, "Can you please watch Jordan w/those markers? Don't let her write on anything but the paper, okay?" 10 minutes later I'm walking back into the room where they both are, wondering why it's so quiet in there. I see Mima sitting in the exact same position I left her in. And then I see Jordan. Jordan who has decided to save the planet and not use the paper given to her for drawing purposes. And why should she when she is totally enjoying the feeling of coloring BOTH sides of BOTH hands with each and every marker?!!!!!!!!!!! Her hands looked like a confetti explosion. And what is Mima's excuse for not stopping the confetti explosion? "What? You said the markers are washable?" Um, yeah, if you get like a little bit on your hands. NOT WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE JORDAN'S SKIN! I have to ask: are there still people out there wondering if I'm ever going to have another child? I mean really! Come on.

Jordan and I went to the mall the other day. While I was waiting to return something Jo-Jo decided she wanted no part of being in the stroller. So I took her out to let her wander around me. Now I know there a bunch of you out there who have the kids who take off and run, never looking back. That has never been Jordan. She usually wanders a tiny bit away from me, always keeping eye contact and then immediately comes back. Someone must have told Jordan how exciting it is to just run and run and not look back b/c that is exactly what she decided to do. Of course I'm totally blown away by this as I'm sprinting thru the store chasing my child down. At some point this chase becomes incredibly funny to Jordan who now thinks giggling will turn this into a fun sport w/Mommy. That is until Mommy tackles her child. Jordan proceeded to have a MEGA meltdown. Keep in mind this is all new for both of us. So I'm standing there taking in all this crying, screaming, fit throwing, body strewn across the floor scene. Not really knowing what to do I look up at all the people in the store who naturally are looking at me and I yell VERY loudly, "WHO'S KID IS THIS? DOES THIS KID BELONG TO ANYBODY HERE?" Of course I thought it was funny. The people in the store were so confused and so freaked b/c they were sure the kid was mine!!!!

Once I gather up Jordan in my arms and bring her back to the register I sit her down on the counter and begin to have one of those very serious Mommy talks w/her. You know how it goes: You get that very serious look in your eyes. Your voice is low and steady. You are filled w/concern yet determined to get the message across. And then you realize you're talking to a 2 year old who is now mesmerized by the electronic signature pen used when you swipe your credit card.

That's all for now from THE LAND OF JORDAN. Hope everyone is enjoying the start of 2009.

Question: Where moon go?

The Fascination Of Poop

2008-12-22T20:11:00.004-05:00

Why do kids find poop to be so interesting? Is it b/c they witness their parents scrunching up their noses while changing a poopy diaper? Does that make them interested? Or is it b/c on occasion we parents have been known to let out a rather loud, "WOAH, OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!" which could peak the interest of a child?

Can't quite be sure what the reason is but Jordan is not only living in The Land of Jordan, she also resides in the Poop is Fascinating World. Each time our child poops and we change the poopy diaper Jordan says, "See poop, see poop!" And of course we (or at least I do this) show her the poop in her diaper. Sometimes she continues the poop conversation and says, "big poop Mommy" to which I reply, "yes honey, that is a big poop, good job!" And why is it I reward my child w/poopy praise? I don't praise her each time she pees. Yet I find myself telling her how proud I am that she pooped and we high five each other. What is that all about? Nobody high fives me when I poop.

And that brings me to the next poopy paragraph. Jordan's interest in poop doesn't stop w/just her poop. Nope, she's now showing intense interest in MY poop! Now, for those of you who know me, really know me, you know that I have what we like to refer to as 'bashful bowels' which basically means: I can't and won't poop in front of anyone, if anyone is remotely close to the bathroom I can't and won't poop and I won't poop in public places. Yes, yes, yes, I know I have issues but this isn't about me.

Of course having a child really changes things in your life, or at least in my life. Pooping is one of those changes. I have no issues pooping in front of Jordan. And she has no issues following me into the bathroom to watch me poop. Now this is where it gets bit weird........she now wants to see MY poop. "See poop Mommy!" And there we are, having a moment, looking at my poop!! Nobody high fives me during this moment, it's a bit of a let down.

I have shared way too much during this blog...........onto other things!

Counting. How is it that children know when a parent turns to them and says, "I'm going to count to three" that if that parent actually gets to the number three they are in big trouble? I mean seriously, how do they know this? I've not seen it written in any of the books or stories I read to Jordan. I haven't heard any of the other kids telling each other, "Oh man, my mom got to the number three the other night and it was not pretty, you better not let your mom get to the number three." Yet somehow they just know. And did we think we'd be using this tactic on our child at the age of 2? Well we are. It's mostly used around the diaper change/pajama time. Jordan loves to tell us "no diaper" when we say it's time for a diaper change and she takes off running in another direction thinking that we'll never catch her. Same thing when it's time for pajamas. Then Mima starts counting, "One"......."Two"......."Three" and Jordan comes running into her arms to avoid whatever consequences 'three' might hold.

Snow. Again, for those of you who really know me you know that snow is one of my most favorite things in the world! I love snow, wish for snow and if I wore pajamas to bed I'd wear them inside out just like every kid on the planet which pretty much guarantees snow! So we finally got snow this year! And a good amount of it. I could not wait to get Jordan out there in it. I was under the impression that if I loved snow then Jordan would love snow too. Isn't that how this parent thing works? Our first time out was at night. She stood perfectly still, not sure what to make of the white fluffy stuff falling from the sky. We lasted 10 minutes out there. The next time was during the day and there was a lot of snow on the ground. I was convinced this was the day she would discover how amazing snow is. We lasted 10 minutes. She was not overly happy about not being able to move her arms (b/c she was all bundled up) and not very happy about not being able to grasp anything b/c she can't get her tiny little thumb into the thumb section of the mittens so she can't grasp anything. And when she fell she could not get up. The third time was late afternoon, nearly dark out. I took her sledding w/her cousins Andrew & Christianna. I was sure this would seal the deal! We lasted 20 minutes. We went down the hill 3 times and after the third time she told me "no more". I was so bummed but of course could not give up. So I start throwing questions at her: "are you hungry?", she answered no. "Do you want to go home?", she answered no. "Do you want to go sledding again?", she answered no. So like any mature parent I told Jordan, "I don't think you know what you mean" and I put the two of us back on the sled and down the hill we went!!!

The Land of Jordan has turned into The Land of Presents! The month of December is present month in our house: birthday, Chanukah and Christmas.

Speaking of Chanukah, we lit the candles last night for the first night of Chanukah and Jordan immediately blew them out! So we light them again and this time I am pulling the Menorah away from Jordan who is insisting on blowing the candles out b/c isn't that we do w/candles? For the last 3 weeks, each time we've lit a candle it's been to sing happy birthday and have her blow the candle out so she's looking at us like, "Hello? What's w/you people? Candles, make a wish, blow them out, get a gift!" And here I am trying to explain to a 2 year old the difference b/een Chanukah candles and birthday candles.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

"Jo-Jo" Turns Two!!!!!!!

2008-12-12T10:18:00.007-05:00

For those of you not in the know, 'Jo-Jo' is the name Jordan goes by these days. It's not ever Jordan's turn, it's always "Jo-Jo's turn." It's not ever Jordan's house, it's always "Jo-Jo's house." It's not ever Jordan's car, it's always "Jo-Jo's car." In fact it's all Jo-Jo's now that I think about it. Christina and I own nothing and have nothing according to Jo-Jo b/c it's all hers!

Jo-Jo is officially a 2 year old!!!! So far (and I'm sure I'm going to regret putting this in writting) the two's are not so terrible. Of course we've only been in the two's for a very short amount of time...........and I can hear everyone right now saying, "ohhhh, just you wait.....it's coming!" But so far we are doing okay here in yet another unfamiliar stage of Jo-Jo's life.

The area we do seem to be having major issues in would be the pediatrician visits. For some reason Jordan is absolutely terrified of her pediatrician right now. She seems somewhat okay w/the nurses but man, once her doctor walks into the room Jordan starts climbing up my body, crying, saying "no" over and over again, and refusing to make eye contact in hopes that this little trick will make the doctor walk out of the room b/c if eye contact is not made then there's no way the doctor sees Jordan right? So mommy comes up w/a plan! I had to take Jordan to the doctor this past week (she has a nasty cold) and this time I brought w/us, as a surprise to Jordan, her pretend doctor's kit!! As we were waiting for the doctor to come into the room I pulled out the kit and Jordan seemed totally psyched about it. We talked about how we're going to look in the doctor's ears and the doctor's eyes and we're going to listen to the doctor's chest and take the doctor's temperature too! We seemed to be doing great at this point. That is until time starts slipping by and we're stuck in the room waiting, and waiting and waiting for the doctor to come in. I've always had issues w/the waiting for anything in life and now that Jordan is w/me I have even bigger issues w/the waiting b/c I don't think people in the world who do not have children understand YOU CAN NOT KEEP US LOCKED IN A SMALL ROOM FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME!!!! Things are bound to happen.

What things? Well, let's just say those cute little labels on the cotton ball jar that say 'PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH, FOR STAFF ONLY'......yeah, I just turned the jar around a bit so I didn't actually see the label anymore and Jordan and I had a cotton ball throwing contest. And the jar filled w/those tongue depressers? Turned that jar around too! It's sort of like Jordan's eye contact theory: if you don't see it then it's not there, right? We used the tongue depressers to play baseball w/the cotton balls.

And suddenly the door to our very tiny room opens, in walks the pediatrician who is greeted by me wearing the pretend stethoscope, the pretend blood pressure cuff, the pretend band aid, the pretend thermometer hanging out of my mouth, cotton balls in my ears, cotton balls on my head, tongue depressers attached to my fingers w/some rubber bands I managed to find in the drawers............and then Jordan climbing up my body, crying, saying "no" over and over again and refusing to make eye contact!

We are now entering the 3 word sentence phase!!! It's so cool and really fun to hear Jordan put together sentences that actually make sense! The other night we had, "Where moon go?" when the moon could not be located from any window in our house. One of my favorites is, "Mommy sit here." That one is very cute, boarding on bossy. Then we have the sentences that get a bit mixed up. Lately Jordan has decided that brushing her teeth is just not a priority so she tells us, "Teeth brush no!" thinking that's going to get her out of it.

We are still into pointing out each and every school bus we see while we're in the car, but now we are actually waving and saying, "HI BUS" to each one and then, "BYE BUS" when it passes us. This is also applied to each and every truck we see while in the car, "HI TRUCK" and then it passes us, "BYE TRUCK". We now look beyond the road and have discovered the: "SIGNS!!!" Which is quickly followed up with, "MORE SIGNS!!!" Can't leave out "FLAGS!!!" also followed up with, "MORE FLAGS!!!" Have you ever noticed that car dealerships have the ultimate biggest flags? Why is that?

I've mentioned in the past how Jordan is very affectionate and that has not changed a bit, if anything she's even more affectionate these days. Her new thing is wanting to hold my hand which is awesome, but, she is not asking to hold my hand while we are walking or sitting or playing. Nope, it's while I'm driving! "HAND, HOLD, MOMMY!" So instead of saying, "Jordan mommy is driving right now and I can't hold your hand b/c well you see I'm in the front seat and you're in the back seat", I don't say anything at all. Instead I lean my entire body over towards the center console, reach my arm back in the most uncomfortable position imaginable, allow her to grab hold of my hand and we continue driving in this position until one of two things happens: 1 - my arm losses all blood circulation and falls off........or 2 - I am pulled over by the police b/c it appears as if no one is driving my car b/c I'm so sprawled over the center console.

I realize now why people decorate the outside of their houses for the holidays and it has nothing to do w/religion! It's to make car rides at night way more fun for 2 year olds! Jordan loves, loves, loves the holiday lights on all the homes. The more we see the more she wants! Sometimes I feel as if I'm on a reality show being timed to see if I can find the next house that has holiday lights up. "More lights, more lights, more lights" is what we hear if we are passing houses which are not lit up. Your child somehow takes over your car and you find yourself zooming thru neighborhoods searching for lit up houses and under your breath cursing out the folks who own the houses w/no lights!

And speaking of holidays - hope everyone out there has a great one!

That's all from THE LAND OF JORDAN............

Let There Be No Doubt......Jordan is a JEW!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-21T16:20:00.003-05:00

Today I decided to take Jordan to see Santa and to have her picture taken w/the jolly dude in the red suit. Well that didn't quite go the way I had it planned out in my head. Jordan took one look at this red suited, big bellied, white bearded guy and she FREAKED OUT! She was terrified! She was clinging to my body so tightly, arms wrapped completely around my neck, legs would have been completely wrapped around my body had it not been for those pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream I've been consuming..........

So I revert to what every mother on the planet does in a desperate time of need: bribery! "Jordan, he's a nice man and he's the guy who brings you presents!" "Jordan, he has a present for you but you have to sit on his lap." Meanwhile in her mind she's like, "Duh, I'm not falling for this b/c my mommies are the ones who bring me presents and all I have to do is go to the store w/them and not sit on some strangers lap!"

I have scratch marks on both sides of my neck from attempting to pull her off me so I can place her onto Santa's lap. The instant contact was made on the lap of the dude in the red suit, Jordan reached a whole new level of freak out so I immediately put a stop to the every-kid-gets-one-every-year Santa picture. And all was good in the world once we were far enough away from the dude in the red suit.

Ahhhh Chanukah, calm, candles, latkas, 8 nights of presents, no need for dead trees in the living room, no scary red suited men.

Jordan is beginning to recognize certain places or areas when we are in the car now. Like when we're heading towards or near our dry cleaners she starts spewing from the backseat: "APPAPOP, APPAPOP" which sounds like 'apple pop' but really means 'LOLLIPOP' b/c the wonderful folks at our dry cleaners give Jordan a lollipop each every time we go there. So I find myself avoiding the "APPAPOP" roads on the days we do not have to pick anything up at the dry cleaners. She also recognizes the Y where we take our Parent/Toddler class which I've been calling 'school', so when we pull into the parking lot she starts saying "FAN" which really means 'Fran' who is Jordan's teacher.

Hanging out w/mostly heterosexual moms and their kids has had some affect on Jordan. I wasn't aware that she was being affected by this until the two of us were shopping in Bed Bath & Beyond and Jordan started yelling at the top of her lungs, "DADDY, DADDY, DADDY, DADDY"..........now that made for an interesting moment.

Jordan is madly in love w/our cat Nina. Nina, not so much w/Jordan. I bought 'snacks' for Nina and put them in 'the snack' cabinet which is full of Jordan's snacks and Jordan can go in there at any time and pull out what she wants. These days it seems she is only interested in Nina's snacks, not to eat, but to insist that we feed these snacks to Nina a minimum of 7 times a day. Jordan, using her 2 word sentences will come up to me w/the Nina snacks in her hand and say, "NINA EAT" so we go upstairs to where Nina is sleeping (and pretty much living during Jordan's awake hours) and we feed her a few snacks. I'm thinking this might work out for Jordan, Nina will most likely start associating good snacks w/Jordan and then start to love Jordan.......that is until Nina came downstairs after a full day of "NINA EAT" and Nina proceeded to puke at my feet.

Speaking of 2 word sentences..........they are awesome and they are amazing! Most of Jordan's 2 word sentences start w/"MOMMY" but I am soooooooo good w/that! In fact I'm in love w/it! "MOMMY COME." "MOMMY MORE." "MOMMY TENT." (meaning come and play in the tent w/me)

That's it from the Land Of Jordan for now, hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!

Daylight Savings = Insanity!

2008-11-03T09:36:00.003-05:00

I'm sure majority of you out there are enjoying the extra hour of sleep due to daylight savings. That's just great, swell, lovely, wonderful (dripping w/sarcasm) and really frustrating to those of us living in the Brooks/Minardi household. I am hereby demanding to speak to whomever is in charge of this daylight savings thing. I would like to do away w/it. We have gained NOTHING in this savings, NOTHING! If anything we have LOST an hour of sleep. LOST! Who looses an hours sleep when you turn the clocks back? Jordan. That's who. She is so thrown off by this and now we are so thrown off by this. What's going to happen when Spring comes and we have to turn the clocks ahead an hour? Oh good God, we're doomed. That's it, I'm revolting. I refuse to turn my clocks in any direction, we are staying on the old time - who's with me?

We made it thru our 2nd Jordan Halloween w/only a slight sugar buzz. Jordan was invited to a funky cool Halloween party where cupcakes and cookies covered in orange icing were readily available to the kids and they quickly figured out that each of them could reach up and grab whatever they wanted from the table of orange icing. No words were spoken. They all just somehow knew the table of orange icing was there in the other room waiting to be taken over by 25 little arms reaching up and randomly pulling down some sugar filled treat. Every single child at the party had orange icing mushed across their face, in their noses, hair, fingernails and yes of course all over their costumes. And this was all BEFORE we went out to trick-or-treat.

Trick-or-treating was pretty fun this year. Fun to watch your child be pushed up to some strangers door, forced to knock or ring the bell, forced to stand there waiting for the unknown to happen, promises of candy delivered by the stranger behind the door.......only thing is nobody was home at that house. Hmmmm, okay. Due-over! Anyway, totally cool to see Jordan up on someone's porch giving her candy. Jordan was mesmerized by the whole process and couldn't quite understand that after you got the candy you said thank you and walked away. She just stood at each person's door and didn't move. Very cute. After about 5 doors of receiving candy she told me she was "all done" so we packed up and went home. And that's actually where I think she had the best time b/c when our doorbell would ring she would go running to the door all kinds of excited and was so happy to be giving out candy to all these people dressed up in silly costumes. She enjoyed this so much that she nearly gave away our entire candy bowl to the first 2 kids who came to our door!

Speaking of "all done"..........Jordan and her cousin Max had a fun filled trip to Build-A-Bear a few weeks ago. They each chose to stuff a dog instead of a bear. By the time Max was done his dog was decked out in a Batman outfit. By the time Jordan was done (more like by the time I was done) her dog was decked out in a WNBA outfit! What? Jordan actually chose this outfit

after I pulled it down from the shelf, showed it to her, hid all the other outfits in the store and told her this was the coolest outfit I'd ever seen and didn't she think it would look amazing on her dog? So we go to the finishing area where you create your birth certificate for their newly stuffed/built dogs and you get to give them a name. Max's dog was given the obvious name: Batdog. Jordan's turn. So mommy says, "Jordan, what would you like to name your dog?" To which Jordan replies, "All done." And that's the name I put on her dog's birth certificate.

A few little awesome tidbits about Jordan: she can count to 10, she can pick out the letters P, O & N from the alphabet, she is putting 2 & 3 words together to form her sentences, she's bossy (and getting bossier), she is 23 months old today which means we are exactly ONE MONTH from her 2nd birthday, she likes pumpkin pie (discovered this last night), she imitates nearly everything I do or say.

That's all for now from The Land of Jordan..........

Approaching The "Two"

2008-10-28T20:16:00.004-04:00

The Land of Jordan is quickly approaching the 2 year mark. I don't know about anyone else but I'm completely blown away by this. Wasn't it just last week I was breast feeding? Wasn't it just last week Jordan was up every hour of every day having her mommies walking the planet in a zombie state of mind? Wasn't it just last week we went from a couple to a party of 3? Wasn't it just last week I was NOT driving a mom car?

I'm attempting to teach Jordan the answer to this question: "How old are you going to be?" For the most part she is seriously getting it down! Majority of the time she answers, "twooooo" (this particular number seems to be sung more than any of the other numbers, two is now twoooooooo) But I decided to change up the question on her today, mix it up a bit. I asked her, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be.........?" expecting her to say "twooooo" instead I was met w/what could only be the most obvious answer: "CAKE!" Because you see, the word BIRTHDAY equals CAKE and shame on me for not realizing this sooner. So, "Jordan, on your birthday you're going to be............'CAKE'"!!!! Makes perfect sense right?

The other day I witnessed Jordan taking inventory of her face in the mirror. She sat in front of the mirror (not knowing I was watching) and proceeded to go over every part of her face, saying it all out loud and pointing to what she was saying, "Eye, eye brow, eye lash, nose (which was followed by a tiny "beep"), mouth, teeth, cheek, ear, hair, chin, neck and we ended w/a major lick of the tongue across the mirror.

When it comes to sharing Jordan is pretty good about it. She's very generous and giving...until we enter The Little Gym. For some reason my daughter is under the impression that the balance beam and all the other very large pieces of equipment belong to her. I can't be sure when this started or why this is happening but it's really not my favorite thing. If she is on the balance beam and some other little kid comes over to use it they are met w/a very whinny "nooooooooooooooooo" followed by the body of my daughter thrown onto the floor assuming the pout stance, which I have to say she's mastered. And mommy has mastered the 'okay you go and have your little fit' move by turning and walking away. And then we enter our stand off/stare down phase. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a Western movie......walking the 10 paces, quickly turning around to see who shoots first.

Jordan is beginning to really, really talk a lot. Tons of words, words put together w/other words and lots of pretend play. I have eaten so much pretend soup I think I actually feel full. "Mommy, soup" followed by the spoon Jordan is holding shoved into my mouth so that she is sure I have tasted the soup. And we do this at least 74 more times until I'm pretty convinced we're nearing the end of the soup.

I am madly, deeply in love w/hearing Jordan say, "MOMMY" and I know one day soon I'm going to be writing about how I wish she'd give it a rest but for now I can not get enough of it. I love it so much that I find myself asking her, "Who am I?" just to hear her say, "MOMMY". It's the best sound in the whole entire world.

Halloween is upon us. Jordan is a flower this year. I am so interested to see how & when the connection is made for Jordan: ring the door bell, say "trick or treat", hold out your bag and GET CANDY!!!!!!!!! The connection probably won't happen until next year, but this year will be very fun I'm sure. I know after the first house we go to she is not going to be interested in going to any other houses b/c she'll be so satisfied w/whatever is in her little Halloween bag. But not mommy! Mommy wants to get the most/best candy EVER! My intensions are very clear: use the cuteness of my kid to maximize the amount of candy we get.

Seeking The Thrill............

2008-10-15T21:23:00.004-04:00

The Land of Jordan is changing. Things that used to be are no longer. Take the swings at the park for example. Last week Jordan decided she no longer wanted me to put her in the 'baby' swing seat. She wanted to be on the big kids swings like the big kids. So onto the big kid swing I placed her and proceeded to spew out orders of, "DO NOT LET GO" and "DON'T LEAN BACK TOO FAR" followed again with "DO NOT LET GO" for fear my daughter after the first push was going to topple backwards off the big kid swing into that cavernous hole of dirt beneath the swing.

The first push was successful. She loved it and wanted more. I on the other hand wanted her back in the safety of the 'baby' swing seat where I could push her as high and as fast as the swing would allow knowing all the while she was protected by that bucket of a seat. So, I gave her more. I pushed her over and over again on the big kid swing but not too high and not too fast b/c each time an airplane flew overhead she would remove a hand from the rusty swing chain and point up to the sky yelling, "AIRPLANE" as I'm yelling, "DO NOT LET GO!!!!"

Well the same thing happened today at the park. No interest in the 'baby' swings but major interest in the big kid swings! So onto the swing she goes and I now take my pushing position behind the swing where as with the 'baby' swing I was always pushing from the front and entertaining her at the same time w/some silly face or some silly dance or pretending that she kicked me and I'd fall onto the ground which always brought major laughter from her little body!

Jordan managed to hold on the entire time she was swinging and she seemed very happy. But when she was done I asked her to watch Mommy swing and I proceeded to swing w/a purpose and get some serious air! She loved it, but, wanted to be a part of it. So I pop Jordan onto my lap and we start swinging. But we're not just sissy swinging, we are swinging super high and super fast and I'm yelling, "weeeeeeeee" and this beautiful child on my lap is giggling so hard she can't catch her breath. And now I'm giggling b/c she's giggling and she's giggling b/c I'm giggling and at some point I realize she's slipping down my legs and I'm only holding onto her by her shorts. So we stop. And we start over and do the whole thing again. Giggles and all. And when we're finished some random kid comes up to me and asks me if I can do that w/him!!!

Speaking of "weeeeeee", Jordan's car seat has been relocated to the middle seat. I felt like she'd be more entertained if she could actually see what's coming or going in the world while we're driving. She seems very happy there or at least very interested in pointing out to me every truck, bus, car, tree, house and light she sees. But the best is when I'm driving and I don't think she's paying attention and the rode will have some sort of dip in it, like a stomach drop dip and we'll go over this dip and from the back seat I'll hear, "weeeeeeee" followed by, "more, more" as if I can control where the dips in the rode might be.

I think Jordan likes that stomach drop thrill.

Instead of a yard sale I think I might have an overstock food sale for anyone who might be interested. Time and time again I have made the same ridiculous mistake when it comes to purchasing snacks/food for Jordan. Jordan, like most kids, is a fan of whatever any other kid has. For example, if her buddy Jake is eating a cereal bar then Jordan MUST have one too. So I figure she's loving cereal bars now and I better rush out to the store and buy not just one box, but at least two boxes of cereal bars b/c I'm all about having a back up of stock! And the next day when full of enthusiasm I offer her a cereal bar she turns it down as if it's the most disgusting thing on the planet. At our Parent/Toddler class they gave out Fruit Loops for a snack one day and Jordan loved them, even asked for more of them. So, where did we go right from class? Yep, to the store to purchase a box of Fruit Loops. But this wasn't just any box of Fruit Loops, this was the mack-daddy COSTCO size box of Fruit Loops. And once again Mommy looks like an idiot when offering her child this snack that was so loved the day before and now is frowned upon.

We are entering a new phase.......the acknowledgment of the poopy phase. Yes, yes, I know this means potty training is right around the corner but I don't think anyone understands how much I love diapers and how I am not against changing a diaper or how I'm not against Jordan being in diapers and then there's the whole I-have-no-interest-in-potty-training thing. I'm serious, I am just not interested and I can't seem to get interested either. So yes, Jordan is now telling me when she has pooped. Well, it's a bit confusing but sometimes she's right on the money w/it. Sometimes she poops and then comes up to us and tells us, "POOP" and she's right. Other times if someone says the word 'diaper' she hears this and says, "POOP". And there have been times when she's farted and says, "POOP". Oh and lets not forget each and every time I change her diaper she says, "POOP" whether poop is actually there or not. I'm beginning to think poop is her favorite word. And when I say "POOP" to her she scrunches up her face and makes these pushing sounds, it's very funny!

I just don't feel like taking her clothes off to have her sit on that stupid little potty thing for like a nano-second and not pee or poop only to have to put her clothes back on again. She does come into the bathroom w/us when we have to pee and she sits on her potty (fully clothed) while we are peeing and she even takes toilet paper and wipes herself. Granted she's wiping either her jeans or her shorts but she's wiping! And then she throws the toilet paper in the toilet and she flushes so these are all good signs right? I agree. So I'm thinking w/a little more visual silent training she'll just start doing it all on her own and I'll be free and clear of the whole potty training thing. She'll be able to pull her own pants off, remove her diaper, take a seat and have it all just happen!! I mean the world is all about natural this and natural that, natural births, the kid will start walking when they're ready, the kid will start talking when they're ready, and isn't the kid will start using the toilet when they're ready in that mix too??

That's all from The Land of Jordan for now..............

Another New Discovery.....

2008-10-02T09:11:00.003-04:00

Hello from The Land Of Jordan again. A land full of discoveries waiting to be uncovered.

This week we have discovered the world of tattoos! Yes, that's right, I did say tattoos. Real ones too.

Jordan has shown a very intense interest in the tattoo I have on my ankle. Yesterday morning we spent a great deal of time tracing it w/our fingers and saying over and over again, "TATTOO" only to my ears it sounded like "AT TOO", not to be confused w/what is said after you sneeze, "AH CHOO".

Silly Mommy thinks we are only fascinated w/saying the name over and over again, "AT TOO, AT TOO, AT TOO" until I walk back into the bathroom and find Jordan on the floor drawing on HER ankle w/Mima's lipstick. And that's when Mommy uses the heard-a-gazillion-times-a-day phrase: "UH-OH"!!!!

Speaking of hearing something over and over again - we must hear the word "no" at least 9,000 times in the course of one day. "No" is the answer to any and all questions. "Jordan, would you like a snack?" "No." "Jordan, do you want to go the park?" "No." Mima asked Jordan this question the other day: "Jordan, did you poop yesterday?" "No" was Jordan's reply when in fact she had pooped. And then Mima asked her, "Jordan, are you going to poop today?" "No" was the answer again and then 3 minutes later we had a poopy diaper!

My Mom says we are the generation who ask our children too many questions instead of her generation where they just told the children what was going to happen. I feel like I'm some where in between generations b/c I first ask Jordan a question which is always answered w/the ever popular "No" and then I wind up telling Jordan what is going to happen whether she likes it or not. So I fall into the ASK THEN TELL category.

We've been dealing w/Jordan having a cold for nearly 2 weeks now. This particular cold has manifested itself inside Jordan's nose leaving her unable to breathe thru her nose and walking around sounding a bit like a mini-Darth Vader. She's starting to put a few words together to form sentences so if "Luke, I am your father" comes out of her mouth I won't be overly surprised!

I tried something on Jordan I've never used before: the nose suction thingy. I figured it had to be helpful to suck out all those sloshy boogies right? So I tackle the first nostril and I'm successful except Jordan is completely wide eyed and freaked out by what I had I just done to her. Tackling the second nostril is not so easy. Jordan is flipping out, fighting me every step of the way. I finally get her pinned down, hands are secured and I'm heading in w/the nose suction thingy. I'm in position and as I squeeze the nose suction thingy to get it ready for suctioning I wind up squeezing it too hard and a major glob of pre-suctioned boogies comes flying out from the nose suction thingy and lands smack in the middle of Jordan's hair. Lovely. At this point I figure why suction when boogies are in her hair, what's the difference if boogies are on her face too?

Today we had our Parent/Toddler class at the Y. This is a fantastic class which Jordan seems to love. Someone made the wise decision to bring in the sand box table for the kids to play with indoors. Initially I thought this was a great decision b/c the kids just stand at the table and run their fingers/hands thru the sand or take some shovels/spoons/cups and fill it up w/sand. It's not like they're sitting in the sand or rolling in it b/c it's a table not an actual box. Jordan had a blast at this table. In fact I think she had too much of a good time at this table b/c when I got her home and took her diaper off.................OH MY GOD................HOW DID ALL THIS SAND GET IN HER DIAPER? Was I not watching her the whole time? Did she take a cup full of sand, lift her shirt, pull out her pants, pull out her diaper and dump the sand down there? Did she conspire w/another kid there to have them put the sand in her diaper? OH MY GOD, we might as well have been at the beach. Sand up her butt, sand in her "Veh Jay Jay", sand all over my floor, SAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And that's all for this week's LAND OF JORDAN update.

North Carolina For Some Cousin Lovin'

2008-09-21T19:34:00.007-04:00

As our plane landed in NJ from NC this past Friday I realized Jordan was on her 26th flight. She has more mileage on her than a used car! Of course to me each flight, whether it's the 9th flight or the 26th flight brings on the same level of panic and panic packing that comes along when you're traveling w/a child.

My diaper bag, when flying, is like a larger swollen retaining water version of itself b/c I have it stuffed w/so many snacks, books, toys, the DVD player, too many DVDs, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, drinks and of course a back-up pacifier! All for that just-in-case-we-are-stuck-in-the-airport situation.

Who needs airline food? I can provide each passenger w/Graduates dried fruit snacks, cookies, gold fish, pretzels, string cheese, fruit, fruit roll-ups, Cheerios, milk and water. It's the same amount of stuff whether we're flying an hour to NC or 3-4 hours to some island.

Don't worry about your hands getting dirty. I have enough wipes in my swollen bag to wipe down the outside of the plane if need be.

No pillows to be had on the plane? No worries, just prop a few of my 17 unused diapers together and you have yourself a pillow!

I can have story time on the plane for those passengers who wish to attend.

I can show many different movies depending on the mood of the passengers: I find Winnie The Pooh to be calming and sweet. Blues Clues if you're looking for a mystery movie. And Word World if you're interested in comedy.

And no matter how many times we fly and how much stuff I bring Jordan usually only requires either a DVD and some gold fish or she just falls asleep on one of us and I'm left wondering who is going to eat all the snacks I've brought.

Onto our trip: we spent a week in NC w/Bubby, Pop-Pop, Aunt Christy & Max. It was the best week! Jordan and Max can not get enough of each other and spend a good part of the day hugging one another. Jordan thinks Max is the funniest guy on the planet and I found out that Max thinks the word 'penis' is the funniest thing he's ever heard in his entire life! I can out of the blue look at him and say "Hey Max.......penis" and he literally falls to the ground in a fit of laughter. I was going to try a few other body parts to see if I'd get the same reaction but I knew that would get me 'the look' from my sister which is the exact 'look' my mom used to give me when I was in trouble so I opted to stick w/'penis'.

While we were in NC Jordan decided she was missing too much Max time by napping so on Thursday she decided to nap for 20 minutes and then stay up until 8pm. I was on alert all day waiting for the tired meltdown which never came. She could not have been happier or funnier than that day.

Jordan has said her first sentence!! It's the only one but I love it. She says, "I DID IT" when she opens something or lifts something heavy or unsticks something. It is so super cool to hear her put those three words together.

She now sits down w/her books and pretends to read. I watch her pointing to the letters and saying them out loud. Of course every letter is either 'A' or 'E' but it's a start.

I am constantly quizzing her on the names of everyone in our lives. The computer has a continuos slideshow of family/friends pictures. She stumped me on a name the other day until I realized she was saying her own name which to her sounds like 'Jordan' but when she's saying it, it comes out as 'Jo-Jo'!! How friggin cute is that?

'Jo-Jo' locked Mima out of the house the other day! It was really funny. Somehow overnight Jordan is now able to reach the door knobs but she can't turn them to open the door. However, she can turn the lock inside the door knob on the door leading out to the garage which is what happened the other day. Mima went out to get something from her car, Jordan went over to the door and locked it and then came back to play w/me and a few minutes later we hear this angry banging at the door. When I open the door to let Mima in she is totally accusing me of locking her out on purpose and how "it's really not that funny" as I'm cracking up trying to explain that it wasn't me who did it. And that's when I realized I am so screwed in my life from here on out b/c even before Jordan entered our world I was always in trouble for one thing or another when it came to Mima. Now, I'm totally fried, cooked, toast. Because from here on out anything Jordan does to Mima I'm the one who's going to take the fall. Maybe we really should get a dog so I can just sleep in the dog house b/c that's where I seem to be 90% of the time!!

A Birthday Party Thank You To Jake!

2008-09-13T22:28:00.004-04:00

Jordan would like to take this opportunity to thank Jake for hosting one amazing birthday party! She would also like to thank Jake's mommy for convincing Toys-R-Us to house their overstocked toys in her living room, her dining room, her kitchen, her deck, her hallway, her garage and her backyard. And we can't forget to thank Jake's mommy for supplying the coolest, most fun, most tiring blow up obstacle course out there! This provided hours upon hours of endless giggles, laughs and 'rug' burns on each person who experienced the obstacle course!!! Jakes' Mommy swears she's not going to host another at home b.day party next year and she's probably right b/c I doubt they'll bring the water park she's going to rent out to her backyard so it looks like we'll be moving the party elsewhere!

Happy 3rd birthday Jake! Jordan loves you like crazy!

Discovering The Boogy

2008-09-12T10:06:00.009-04:00

We have a new discovery in THE LAND OF JORDAN...the inside of our nose. I don't know if there was a kid meeting to discuss this discovery or if a kid memo was distributed w/out my knowledge explaining the benefits of nose picking but somehow Jordan has now zoned in on the inside of her nose via her finger! Lovely.

My discovery of her discovery happened while we were driving. I looked back to find a very content child w/her finger up her nose and this look on her face that said, "Why didn't I figure this out sooner? This is wonderful!"

So of course I try telling her not to put her finger up her nose, followed by silly reasons why her finger should not be up her nose, followed by starting the discussion all over again b/c her finger is back up her nose.

And it gets better, oh yes, it gets better. I look back again and now Jordan is examining w/such intense interest a boogy on her finger. Oh God, you know what comes next right? All while I'm driving.....!

So I am once again telling Jordan to stop picking her nose and to give the boogy to me (is there an actual real term for 'boogy'?) and as I look back again I see her finger heading towards her mouth.......................and that's when I let out this absolute panicked "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" out of my mouth as if time had slowed to a serious crawl and everything was happening in slow motion. Of course I was too late. The boogy found residence in my child's mouth.

Glad I could share the boogy saga w/each of you!

Jordan's First Posted Blog 9/10/08

2008-09-10T19:53:00.004-04:00

The first of many, I'm sure, blog updates for each of you pertaining to THE LAND OF JORDAN.

Please forgive the non-funny first post, I'm just getting familiar w/this whole blog thing and trying to make THE LAND OF JORDAN a sweet looking page.

So, here it goes:

Today was spent at Turtleback Zoo w/two of Jordan's little buddies: Chase & Kylie. The 3 of them had more fun eating each other's snacks then looking at the animals.

Jordan's new thing is saying, "ME" when she really means to say, "YOU"! We will toss a ball back and forth to each other, first Jordan then me then Jordan again and she knows the next toss is to me and she says, "ME" all the while meaning, "YOU". I'm not sure how to correct this one, I'm just going to let time take care of it.

Jordan is now 21 months and I swear super gifted! Although I'm quite sure all first time moms believe their child is super gifted, I mean really, what the heck do we have to compare it to? So to me, Jordan is super gifted!

She learns a new word just about each day and likes to use them over and over again. Of course the favorites are always: "UH-OH", "UP", "OUCH", "KISS", "EAT", "WAH-WAH" (for water), "CAT" followed by "MEOW", "DOG" followed by "ARF ARF", "MILK", "POOH" (for Winnie The Pooh), "TIGGY" (for Tigger), and my personal favorite: "SCHMUTZ" (pertaining to any and all things found on the floor).

We are working out Jordan's fall schedule and I have to say, she is one incredibly busy child: Little Gym on Mondays, art class on Tuesdays, playgroup on Wednesdays, Parent/Toddler class on Thursdays and either a music class or soccer on Fridays! And she's not even 2!